Skid Marks

Well, we are off to a new year and while so far I have been spank free, the year has not gotten off to a good start.  While of course the starting of a new year is an artificial milestone in that one day is the same as the next, we often times give it a lot of significance and use it as an excuse to restart our lives in many ways.  It is quite the sight to see how much busier the health clubs and gyms are in January and knowing that come February half of those people will stop coming and life will return to normal.  I have the same feeling myself.  In some ways, January feels different with  respect to how my wife has been spanking me.  In someways it feels like the spankings are over and the slate has been wiped clean, but at the same time, she has been treating me differently.  Things don't feel quite the same.

I have already written about the nasty virus I got right at the start of the year and how my wife used that as an excuse to take my temperature rectally.  That was not the first time she had taken my temperature rectally.  In fact, the first time she took it rectally I was suffering from a severe stomach virus and was throwing up violently.  When she came to take my temperature rectally I felt a warmth and respect for her because here I was in real bad physical shape.  I was this gross pile of humanity and yet my wife was there by my side to take care of me, comfort me and even willing to take my temperature in a manner than exposed her to a sweaty, smelly part of my body.  When she did it then I felt a strong affection, and while not quite an erotic experience for me, I did enjoy her taking my temperature that way at that time.

Part of my feelings at the time was because while I know I certainly would have been there to support her, comfort her, clean up any puke that may have missed the bowl, bring her water, cool towels or anything I could have done to make her miserable illness more bearable, the thought of using a rectal thermometer to insure her temperature was not reaching dangerous levels and then being willing to insert a Ibuprofen suppository when it got too high would have never occurred to me and would have repulsed me if I did.  I know, bad husband, but excrement does not excite me.  Would I have done it if she asked me to?  Yes, for better or worse in sickness or in health, I get that, but I would not have thought to do it on my own.

I know many of my readers saw this incident as anal play or a continuing domination of my bottom by my wife.  A violation of my backside if you will.  At the time, I did not see it that way.  It was medically necessary and I loved and respected my wife for her willingness to do it.

So fast forward to my last illness.  What was different?  Well, for starters, I did not consider what she did as medically necessary.  Oh sure she came up with this ridiculous excuse about the oral thermometer not working for me, but it works for her?  How convenient.  So I have to have my temperature taken in my bottom while she gets to take hers in her mouth.   So did I test the thermometer like I said I would in my last post?  Well, yes and sure enough it seems to get an accurate reading in warm water.  I took the liberty of swirling some 100 degree water around my mouth and then taking my temperature with the oral thermometer and I did get 100 or so degrees.  I don't know how she did it, but somehow I remain convinced that my wife tricked me into taking my temperature rectally that day.

This changed the way I felt about the whole thing.  When I was throwing up it felt reassuring to have my wife take care of med.  Now, I tend to side with the those who felt this was just another way my wife was exerting control over me.  It is clear now that that was her intention all along.  The first temperature she took was when I was more likely to be receptive to it.  Now, she has insisted that is the only way I should take my temperature.  Well, now I feel violated.   Clearly she has added one more thing to the list of things she subjects me to to make me feel weak and vulnerable to her.

If I had any doubts that she was looking for an excuse to make me feel weak and exposed to her, after I got better I suggested that we purchase one of those ear thermometers if the oral did not work on me.  She said she would 'consider' it, but since the rectal worked she saw no reason to spend $30 on a thermometer with questionable accuracy.   I thought to myself, 'come on?  Questionable accuracy?'  Who cares if it is 101.3 or 101.7?  We are not looking for absolute precision here, we just need to know if a fever is normal, low, medium or high.  So I said, OK, well then perhaps next time we can just take it under my arm.  You can use the same thermometer for that.  She was a little more open to that idea, but still, the underlying intention was clear.  I am sure there would be a reason why the underarm temperature was not acceptable.  Hell, if someone were to give us a hospital grade ear thermometer I am sure she would find a reason why that was not acceptable (for me of course, everything is acceptable for her).  So in spite of the fact that we live in a time when there are dozens of ways to take someones temperature, apparently the the only way that works for me is the one that requires me to have my pants pulled down and my bottom penetrated.

Now if it was just the temperature taking incident, I would have been suspicious enough, but then there was another incident.  I was just finishing up a shower when my wife can into the bathroom.  Well, no big deal, we are married after all.  Again, normally no issue with her seeing me in the nude.  As I stood there drying off she bent down and picked up the pair of briefs that I had discarded on the floor.  Now, I am pretty good about picking up my clothes.  I usually take my underpants off in the bathroom and will pick them up and place them in the hamper when I am done showering, so that is not where this is going.

I thought nothing of it figuring she was just being helpful.  After all, she knows I always pick them up after I shower so I would not have expected her to yell at me for that.  She starts speaking in a gentle tone,

"Honey, I hate to embarrass you with this, but I have been meaning to ask you about something."

I look at her puzzled.  What does she want to talk about that could not wait until I was dressed?

She holds up my underpants and shows me the stain in them.  I don't want to get too gross, but I think you know what I am talking about.  I thought to myself 'skid marks?'   Not to be too cavalier about it, but I think to myself, So what?  Nobody's perfect.  I am sure there are marks on her panties.  Besides, I thought that was exactly the reason she insisted I wear briefs.  She had claimed that they were more hygienic in that they contained these kinds of mishaps better than boxers and were easily bleached.  I wasn't sure what her concern was.

I looked at her confused and all I could say was "What?"

"Well, I don't want to embarrass you, but these are the brand new ones I got for Christmas.  I mean I understand that sometimes things happen, but for you it looks like you never wipe properly and I am not so sure you even wash back there properly."

I was hurt.  I was so tempted to go to the hamper and start pulling out all her panties.   I mean I help with the laundry and no offense ladies, but lets face it, you are always leaking and oozing something from your three holes that it is impossible for your panties not to get stained.  That is the reason we wear underpants is it not?  To deal with the faults of the human body and keep our clothes clean.   I was about to start to argue with her but she beat me to the punch.

"I know this embarrasses you but I don't think you are washing properly."  She picks up a washcloth rinses it under some water from the sink, wrings it out and hands it to me.  "Here, wipe your bottom with this for me."

I stared at her in disbelief.  What was this all about.  But I figured it was best just to get it over with so I ran the warm cloth through my butt cheek and much to my disgust and surprise it came out streaked with brown.  I must admit I myself was a bit appalled.  I never would have thought my bottom could have still been soiled like that after I just got out of the shower.

She spoke again, "Not only did I notice your underpants, but I have seen stains like that on the towel.  You must dry your bottom with it when you come out of the shower."

I was so mortified for being called out on this lapse in my hygiene.  I truly did not realize it.  I did not know what to say.  Now if this was simply a wife discussing an honest, even if a difficult, topic with her husband, that would have been the end of it.  I would have accepted her criticism for what it was, the pointing out of something I needed to be made aware of so that I could fix it, but it did not end there.

She told me to get back into the shower, which I did.  She rinsed out the washcloth under the shower head, soaped up the washcloth then ordered me to turn around.

I realized she intended to wash me herself and felt a little bit embarrassed about it so I said, "I can do this myself."

She snapped back firmly, "obviously you can't do this yourself that is why I we had to have this discussion, now turn around."

All of a sudden I became very self conscious of the fact that I was naked in the shower, my wife fully clothed and I was being ordered to turn around so she could wash my bottom.  I felt so ridiculous.  So humiliated.    I squeaked back, "I can do it.  I just did not realize it before.  Now that you brought it to me attention I will be more careful."

"Turn around!", she replied very firmly.  She was not yelling, but she said it forcefully enough that I immediately turned around in fear.  It was that same forcefulness I have seen in her when she is ordering me to drop my pants or bend over for a spanking.

I felt her spread my cheeks wide and felt the soapy washcloth work its way deep between my cheeks.  She scrubbed it well from the base of my spine all the way to my scrotum.  I felt so helpless and ashamed that my wife had to wash out my bottom like I was a baby or an invalid.   She stopped with the washcloth then pushed and pulled me into position under the shower to make sure I was well rinsed off.  She parted my cheeks to help get the water to reach all the spot it needed to reach.  After a few minutes she shut the water off and told me I could dry up and get dressed.

She left the bathroom and I humbly dried off and got dressed.  I came out of the bathroom to find her sitting on the bed.  She looked at me and simply said, "For the next few days, I will be supervising your shower to make sure you are washing yourself properly.  I am sorry I have to do this, but it is clear you either never learned to properly keep yourself clean or you learned, but then failed to keep up with it.  Either way, I want your hygiene to improve, so I will be washing you myself for the next day or two.  After that I will be supervising you to make sure you are doing it properly.  After that, I will perform spot inspections to make sure you have not lapsed.  I hope we can develop better habits in you."

I just did not know how to feel about this.  Once again she found what appeared to be a perfectly legitimate reason to expose my bottom to her.  I mean we have been married for several years and all of a sudden she decides that I have not been practicing good hygiene?  So even if it was true and she finally had enough of it, why not just tell me the difficult truth and ask me to be more aware of my poor habits and work to improve them.

She then stood up again and went to dresser and picked up a box I did not notice before.  It was a box of wet wipes.  She then said, "Keep these in the bathroom.  After you have wiped yourself use one of these to make sure you are really clean down there."

My heart began beating faster as I had assumed she intended to also supervise my wiping but she continued, "I really don't want to have to wipe your bottom for you so I am going to trust you to do this yourself.  I will be keeping an eye on your underpants in the laundry to see if the problem continues."

Well, at least she has her limits.  But here we are again.  Another excuse to keep my bottom exposed.  And while it is a minor thing, now she has made me self conscious that she will be inspecting my underpants.  So I am in constant awareness of my backside and her control of it.  This is what many of my readers had warned me about.

So far, everything has been gentle and on the pretense of taking care of me.  There has been an excuse as to why she has to do what she is doing.  My heart pounds as I think of some of the warnings that I had received in my comments.  I am not sure where this is going but for now I will wait and see.

Emotionally I have been feeling very strange.  In the past, the spankings were few and far between with a normal life in between.  Oh sure there have times when I was spanked within days of each other or had to stay in the guest room for a day or two, but even that was short lived.  Now here it has been over a month and my pants have been coming day every day or two, my temperature was taken rectally for a few days and now my wife is washing my butt like I was a 2 year old.   The attention my backside has been getting from her has been nearly constant and constant enough that it has been preoccupying my thoughts. I am living in a constant state of awareness of my backside and on edge waiting for the next reason my wife will use to bare my bottom.  All this without a single spanking in over 8 weeks.

In my comments someone asked if my wife and I have been having sex.  The answer has been no and not entirely by her decision.  Since all this has been happening I have found it difficult to get aroused around my wife.  I have been   experiencing these feelings of inadequacy and inferiority that have not left me "in the mood."  After one session of bare bottom time I went to the bathroom and was actually embarrassed by my own pathetic penis all shriveled up from the shame of being constantly exposed to my wife.  I know this turns on a lot of my readers, but I always enjoyed a feeling of equality in love making with my wife.  Now forget about love making, I don't feel a sense of equality with my wife in anything anymore.  The whole time she has been baring my bottom, taking my temperature, etc., I have not seen her undressed or even in her underwear at all.  

Yes so far 2015 has been off to a very emotionally draining start.   I know there is a lot of speculation from my readers as to where this is heading, but for now.  I think I am just going to wait and see and hope this ends soon and things get back to "normal" even if that means the occasional spanking.

Roll Over

Well, I guess with all the running around, late nights and other activities that go with the holidays I ended up coming down with a rather nasty virus.  I woke up on the Friday after New Years with a sore throat, aches, chills and that nasty can't stay awake felling.  After a while I went back up to bed.  Later my wife came in with a pitcher of water and told me it was important for me to drink a lot to stay hydrated.  She felt my head and told me I felt really hot and she was going to take my temperature.  She then went into the bathroom where we keep the thermometers.

To my surprise she came back with the rectal thermometer and a jar of Vaseline instead of the oral thermometer.  Now if you recall from earlier posts, there was a time awhile back when I had a stomach virus and was throwing up and she took my temperature rectally.  I actually found that time to be a good feeling, but given how our December went, I was very protective of my bottom and did not enjoy the constant attention my backside was getting from her and was in no mood to have my temperature taken that way so I spoke up.

"Honey, I don't need my temperature taken that way.  I am not throwing up.  Go back and get the oral thermometer."

She simply dismissed my request and said, "I think it would be better if I take it this way."  She then pulled back the sheets and blankets and asked me to "roll over onto your stomach."

Again, I was in no mood and replied, "You are not going to take my temperature that way.  I will go get the oral thermometer." and started to get out of bed.

She gently guided me back down onto the bed and softly began, "look honey, its no big deal and I will be gentle but I really think it would be better if I take your temperature this way, so roll over and relax."

Now I was starting to get a little annoyed.  Here I was sick as a dog and she just can't let it go and wants another excuse to pull my pants down and dominate my bottom.  I stared at the thermometer and the jar of Vaseline on the end table  with a strange tingling from the thought that she wanted to violate me with it.  I was not having it.

I sat up in bed and looked her straight in the eye and as assertive as I could I said, "Look I am not a little boy.  I am not having my temperature taken that way.  I am sick and in no mood for your games.  If you don't want to get me the oral thermometer than just leave me alone and let me sleep."   I started to cough from the speech I had just given.

My wife placed her hand on my forehead and then on my back and declared, "You are really warm.  I really want to take your temperature and I am sorry you feel the way you do about the rectal thermometer, but honey, for some reason, you never seem to get an accurate reading from the oral one."

I looked at her confused and asked "What do you mean by that?"

"Well, I couldn't help but notice that every-time you take your temperature orally it come sup around 97 degrees.  That can't be right."

"Well, you know normal doesn't have to be exactly 98.6 you know,"

"Yes, I know that, but the day you had the stomach virus.  You felt really warm to me and when you took your temperature it was 97.5.  An hour later when you were throwing up and let me take it rectally it was almost 102."

"So what?" I said, "it probably was just higher then.  Besides, you took my temperature orally after I stopped throwing up and said it was 100."

She looked down slightly and replied, "Actually it was only 98.  I just said it was 100 because you still felt warm to me.  I suspected if I took it rectally again it would have been 100,  I just didn't want to subject you to another rectal temperature.  I figured you were getting better and that was all that mattered."

To tell you the truth, I did not believe her.  "You are such a liar.", I accused her.

She looked at me with concern and said, "Look, you are clearly running a fever.  If I take your temperature orally and it come up less than 99 will you let me take it rectally?"

I looked back at her and feeling the way I felt, she was right.  There was no way I was not running a fever.  I had not yet drank any of the water she brought up so as I swirled warm saliva around my mouth I figured she had a deal.  She went and got the oral thermometer and I heard her washing it and then she came and as she placed it in my mouth she warned me to make sure it was under my tongue and that I kept my mouth closed if we were to get an accurate reading.  Now I did my best to keep it under my tongue but I was having trouble breathing through my nose with the congestion and I was coughing a bit, but still, I did not see any reason why we would not get an accurate reading.  After about 30 seconds, the thermometer beeped, she took it out and immediately showed it to me.  It was reading 98.3.

I stared at it in disbelief.  There is no way that the thermometer can be off that much just because of me.  Perhaps the thermometer was broken.  It could not be my mouth that did not work.

She replied, "I take my temperature with this all the time.  When I have a fever I get a reading and my normal seems to be closer to 98,6.  Your normal is 97 and when I see 98 or 99 for you your actual temperature is probably much higher."

I still sat there shocked in disbelief.  "I don't care," I pouted, "I don't want my temperature taken that way.  This must be some trick of your because you just want to pull my pants down and stick that thing in me."

I mean think about it.  This had to be a scheme on her part.  What would be the odds of having a wife who just finished a month of using every excuse to bare her husband's bottom all of a sudden have a husband who has a freaky mouth that oral thermometers don't work on?  It was clearly a trick on her part.  I figured she probably brought the water up figuring I would drink it before she took my temperature and not realize I did so that my temperature would be low.  But I did not drink the water.  Perhaps my temperature really wasn't that high.  I mean if she took it rectally and got 100 she would be like, 'see I told you', but rectal runs about a degree higher anyway.

She replied, "Look, I am worried.  You look pretty sick.  It is dangerous for adults to let their fevers get too high.  I just don't think I get an accurate reading from the oral thermometer.  You told me if we got a reading of less than 99 you would let me take it rectally.  I know you are embarrassed from all the bare bottom warnings you got last month and associate this with punishment but come on.  Given all the times I pulled your pants down, what is the big deal with this?"

She was clearly playing a psychological game with me and she was wining.  My eyes started to water up and I felt a tear slip down my cheek.  "I don't want to be treated like a little boy anymore." I practically cried.  I was angry with myself.  I was being assertive and standing my ground but she once again broke me and had me begging her to leave my bottom alone, only this time it was from the thermometer and not the hairbrush or belt.  "Please honey, I don't want my temperature taken that way,"

She just looked at me and said, "We had a deal.  If the oral reported 99 or less you were going to let me take it rectally.  If the rectal come back less than 100 I promise never to take your rectal temperature again."

I replied back, "Well rectal usually runs about a degree higher."

"Yes," she replied, "we got 98.3 orally.  So if we get over 100 rectally that is more than a degree and a half higher.  I am not trying to embarrass you.  I just think there is an issue with you and oral temperatures that's all."

I still did not believe her but I suppose I did make this deal with her.  God help her if I find out she has a trick thermometer or something.  I reluctantly roll over onto my stomach and without any further discussion she pulls my sweatpants and underpants down to my knees.  I watch as she turns the thermometer on dips it into the Vaseline and then gently spreads my cheeks.  I feel a slight chill as the cold air hits my backside and flinch as I feel the slippery tip of the thermometer touch my butt hole.  I take a deep breath as she gently inserts the thermometer.  I can't believe she manipulated me into this.  I hated her for this.

I laid there sulking, her hand resting on my backside gently holding the thermometer.  After a few seconds the thermometer beeps and she immediately pulls it out and shows it to me before she even looks at it herself.   I stare in horror at the greasy probe slightly brown tinged and think about where it had just come from as I feel the slight slipperiness between my cheeks confirming the recent violation of my bottom by the thermometer.  As if that was not horrible enough, there on the display was a whopping 101.2 temperature being displayed.  I could not believe it.  There had to be something wrong with that oral thermometer.  There had to be.

"Well?", she asked seeing the look of surprise on my face.

"It's 101.2." I  reply softly.

My wife looks at it herself then takes a tissue to wipe off the grease.  "I am so sorry honey," she starts in a soft and consoling voice. "I don't know why but I get the impression oral thermometers just don't get accurate temperatures on you."

"Well, that thermometer must be defective.  You tricked me to get my pants down again."

"Honey, after last month, do you think I need to trick you to get your pants down?  If I wanted your pants down I would simply pull them down.   Look, when you are feeling better you can experiment with this thermometer.  You can run some hot tap water and compare reading between this thermometer and the kitchen thermometer.  In fact I already did this when I was wondering why your oral reading was way off.   I can buy another thermometer, but I just think there is an issue with you and oral temperatures."

Now the whole time she was lecturing I was still laying there with my pants and underpants around my knees.  I felt so stupid. I should have pulled them up the second the thermometer came out but I laid there waiting for permission to get dressed and it was not quick in coming.

I know strange things can happen but come on, she spends the month of December pulling my pants down at the drop of a hat with the promise that it was to decrease the amount of spankings I get in 2015 and here we are, not even 2 days into the new year and she found a non-spanking excuse to get my pants down and shove a thermometer up my bottom.  Oh don't worry I will be checking that thermometer out when I get better.  There is no way my mouth is defective.

Anyway, after a while she tells me she is going to get some Advil to help lower my temperature.  When she leaves I take the opportunity to finally pull my pants up.  She comes in gives me the medicine, kisses me on the head, tells me to drink plenty of liquids and get some rest.   After a while I finally close my eyes and get some sleep.

The whole time I was sick she took my temperature both orally and rectally and recorded the results.  Every time, the oral reading was way off.  The oral never got above 99 and never got below 97 no matter what my rectal temperature was, which was as high as 101.8 at one point and as low as 98.1 when I was eventually over this completely.  I have yet to test the oral thermometer on a glass of water of know temperature but there is no way that thermometer is not broken.  I am sure my wife knew that and planned this whole thing out as an excuse to keep my pants at my knees as much as possible.

Now that I am back to normal, I am sure she will soon come up with another reason to bare my bottom.  Only time will tell, but now I am on edge wondering when and where that will be.

One Good Comment Deserves a Post

In my last post I received a rather interesting comment from a "Rob" who asked some very poignant questions.

I repeat his comment here;

Honestly the bigger part of me wonders if this blog is the work of a fantasist for a few reasons, but taking it at face value i think it presents a moral dilemma and thought experiment in any case, so I'll indulge it for a moment.

I don't understand people's comments saying the discipline is 'working'. If it's working, why are you whining about it online (and why hasn't she caught you blogging, yet)? Hand on heart, do you see benefits from it or not? Is it achieving the ends she claims to have in mind, or not? If not, why is she so myopic as to not see that? Do you doubt the purity of her motive? If it is working (making you behave better), what, really, lies at the root of your complaint? Because it goes against societal norms? Because the punishment doesn't fit the crime? Because being an adult places you above the indignity of certain punishments? Because you believe in an egalitarian relationship?

You seem too well-spoken to be a poor introspector, but you don't seem to be reaching out for help so much as regaling perverts like myself with lurid stories of your wife's latest disciplinary action. If you really want help, then go deeper into what the problem is. Although you're only going to get slanted advice from a slanted audience. For what it's worth, your relationship sounds well-meant but misguided at best (simply by virtue of this blog's existence) and abusive at worst, and that's coming from someone who believes in DD as a viable relationship model.-Rob 

I was about to reply to this comment when I thought that perhaps these complex questions deserved their own post, so here they are for everyone, but I will be speaking to Rob.

You are right to remain skeptical of what you read on the internet as I myself am when I am reading other blogs to see if there is anyone in a similar situation as myself.  Some of the stuff that I read online is so unbelievable but then I look at my own situation and then I begin to wonder.  Sometime truth is stranger than fiction and sometimes I read bonafide news stories that are so bizarre that I no longer know what to believe.

That said, I want to thank you for giving me the benefit of the doubt and responding to me on the assumption that I am on the level and you did ask some difficult questions.

Why am I whining about it?  Well, I never considered what I was doing as whining so not sure how to answer that one.  I knew long before I even started this blog that I had "accepted" my wife's discipline.  Oh sure, I relived some of the struggles I had about divorce, pressing charges, leaving her, resisting.  To be honest now, I had gone through all those emotions before I even started the blog.  I came to the conclusion that I loved my wife and was willing to submit to her even if I did not enjoy it.  But I do not enjoy it.  As I struggled with this I became aware that there are many who do enjoy it.  A part of me was curious as to why they enjoyed it.   Writing this blog and venting my feelings to an interested audience helps me deal with my situation.  If you feel I am "whining" about it that's fine.  I am sure there are things in your life that you "complain" about but really don't feel the need to change or leave, perhaps your job, your relatives, your home owners association.  You are not really looking for things to change, but sometimes you just need to vent to feel better and help you deal with the situation.  For me, I have an issue that I would not feel comfortable venting about in real life.  This blog allows me to vent in a safe environment and your comments reassure me that there is a sympathetic (even if skeptical) ear.

Hand on heart?  Do I see benefits?  Well, I don't know.  Certainly I am more aware of the behaviors that displease her and she does not nitpicking either.  She has always been dominant, but not demanding.  At least not demanding in that she can't be pleased.  Certainly when she lays down the law there is little room for negotiation.   Is my behavior changing?  Yes, it is, but just because the spankings are having a positive effect does not mean I have to like them.

Do I doubt the purity of her motive?  I always doubted her a little.  I read too many blogs online and it is clear that spanking and DD role play have a strong sexual element to it.  It is hard to believe that out of all the methods she could use to modify my behavior she chose spanking.  Yes it gets my attention, yes it gets the desired results but why spanking?  In spite of her denials she must get pleasure out of pulling down my pants and spanking me.  Does she get sexual pleasure from that?  I don't know and i am less sure of that, but I have little doubt that she gets some kind of high out of spanking me.

So what is my real complaint?  What has driven me to this blog and has me describing details of my life to solicit feedback from people who I know are getting their jollies off reading about my situation?

Well, I know there are people who would do anything to have the kind of woman I have.  In reading other blogs there are many men out there who enjoy being treated the way I am being treated, but for me this is all too real.  I do not enjoy this at all.  I accept it for the good of my marriage but I hate it.  Grown men should not be treated this way unless they want to.  So yes, being an adult should place me above the dignity of certain punishments.  Children get spanked.  I was spanked as a child.  It is a demeaning and humiliating punishment, but for me as a child it worked.  I felt embarrassed and ashamed then and had a strong desire to change my behavior to avoid those feelings.  I feel twice as embarrassed and ashamed now so yes it does prompt me to change my behavior, but

Do I want help?  To be honest, I don't know if I want help to change the situation.  It is what it is.  It does help for me to share the stories of what is happening and what has happened with an audience who enjoys hearing the stories.  Why?  I guess I am curious to know why others find this enjoyable.  I don't understand what make a man want to be punished like a child.  What makes a man not want to be a man.  In some ways, I realize the spankings will continue and if I could only understand why some people enjoy being treated this way I try to convince myself that I am not that abnormal.

That said, there was a single event that prompted me to stop and wonder about the true meaning of the situation that I was in and if I was going to truly accept my situation and that was the threat of being spanked in front of Sarah.  I have come to accept that my wife will spank me periodically and I have grown to accept that as a problem of my marriage that needs to be dealt with.  All marriages have problems some big and some small.  Some so big that they can not be overcome and a couple is forced to separate.   With the exception of the spankings, I have no other complaints about our marriage.  It is a great marriage (for me) except for the fact that my wife spanks me.

My wife has often said, that if I did not want to be spanked, I could either change my behavior or leave.  Obviously I have chosen to stay.  Now Sarah (and remember that is not her real name) is different.  I know I have heard from others that I could survive being spanked in front of Sarah.  I am not so sure that is true.  I am not sure I want that to be true.

I never admitted this to the blog because I did not want to be wrong, but anyway here goes.  Here is the big idea for the new year.

Since my wife has said the only way to really avoid an ordered spanking, whether it is in private of in front of Sarah, would be to leave her.  I know that and she knows that.  She has pushed me to the edge many times with very severe, sound and embarrassing spankings all, so far in private.  She has subjected me to other humiliations, especially in the last few weeks, but I have submitted to them all in private.  She threatened to send me to the doctors in briefs.  I know for many of you this is a silly thing and don't understand what my hang up is with briefs.  Well, I have read where men will shave their pubes and go to the doctor wearing woman's panties and I don't understand how you can do that.  Just because you don't understand does not make it a big deal for me.  Briefs embarrass me and I do not want anyone to know I wear them.  My wife knows this.  I think she knows how important this is to me.  I think that is the reason she "forgot" to remind me to wear them and has remained silent on the issue why?  Because she is afraid is she pushed me too far I will leave her.  I realized that while her threat is not an empty threat, it is not like she wants me to leave her.

So the big idea?  My wife is afraid I will leave her.  For this reason, she may push me to the limit.  She may probe and test, but I think she really understands where the line is and will never push me over it for fear of me leaving.  I had a comment that hinted at this.  All these behaviors are tests to find out where that line is.  What can she get away with? (Spanking, corner time, etc.) and what will push me over the edge (public spanking, public display of underwear)

So to all the people who have commented about my last Christmas present, here is my take on it.

I will be spanked in 2015.  Those spankings will not be more frequent or severe but will be similar to the spankings I have received up till now.

She will continue to make me wear briefs,whether for her stated reasons or as a reminder of my "status" in her eyes I do not know.

I will NOT be spanked in front of Sarah because my wife fears that will push me over the edge and she does not want me to leave any more that I want to leave.

I will NOT have to wear briefs to my next physical.  My wife will remain silent on that issue.

I will continue to write about my spankings, past and future not so much because I am looking to really change the situation, but I do want and appreciate the opinion of an audience who has insight into what my wife may be thinking and planning and how to cope with my situation.

Yes, I admit it.  I am clearly in a DD relationship even if it is a little different than many of the others I have read about.  I may not consent to it, asked for it, appreciate it or desire it, but I have come to reluctantly accept it.

That does not mean I won't complain or "whine" about it in 2015.  The venting, complaining and whining about it helps me deal with it and I thank all my readers for their support in 2014 and hope you will continue to support me in 2015.  I will write about any interesting events that happen or share stories from the past if nothing new is happening.  I will do my best to write in a way that helps you with your prurient interests so that you can gleam the facts from the story but also provide you with the entertainment you need.

So that said, lets continue the game.  I made my predictions for 2015.  Anyone care to make predictions of your own?

Merry @#$%&! Christmas

Well, if there was any doubt that my wife was sending a clear message that she planned to continue to humiliate me that doubt ended Christmas morning.  In addition to all the thoughtful gifts we gave each other, I open one package and what did I find in it?  A wooden hairbrush and a package of Hanes white briefs.

I was upset when I opened the package.  I looked at her with a "why?" face.  She did not smile or laugh but simply said, "Well, you can use new underpants and a hairbrush can be used for just brushing hair.  If it gets used for anything else, well that is entirely up to you."

I put the package down, not sure how I felt or was supposed to feel.  The month of December has been very intense and can only hope that with the new year things go back to normal, even if it means the occasional spanking.

Than one more thought came into my head.  When and where did she buy these?  Did she buy them together?  Did she buy them when she was shopping with Sarah?  I wanted to ask to reassure myself she was discrete when she bought them, but another part of me just did not want to know.   All day long I kept thinking back to that "present" wondering what it all meant.  Like I said, it has been a very intense month.  I can only hope it changes soon.


Merry Freaking Christmas.

Bare Bottom Warnings

I know it has been quite a long time since my last post.  First off, I am alive and well.  One comment-er had asked if my silence was because I was spank free or if it was because I was agonizing over a traumatic experience.   Well, the truth is both.  I have not been spanked, but there has been a series of "incidents" that  I have been agonizing over.

If you recall from my past posts I wrote about an incident that happened in "A Shot Across the Bow" where my wife made my strip to my briefs and walk around the house all morning.  Well, apparently she has not forgotten how effective this was so she did it again.  I was preparing to write about that incident when she did it again, and again and again.  In fact she did it several times this month and it has left me scared and confused.  This is a big shift in our relationship and don't know what to make of it.

It started about a month ago shortly after my last post.  We were talking about New Year's resolutions and how most of them fail within the first month.  She then joked, that perhaps she should set a resolution not to spank me in 2015.  Given that we were discussing how most resolutions fail, I took this to mean that I could expect to be spanked in 2015.  She then followed up her thought with the following,

"You know, if I want to keep that resolution in 2015, you need to change your behavior so that I don't have reason to spank you in 2015.  I think for the rest of this year, I am going to set a very low threshold for your punishments, but I don't want to spank you that much.  So instead I will bare your bottom and set you in position so you can think about how close you have come to getting spanked.  We can do this for the rest of the year and come 2015 hopefully you will come to recognize your behavior to the point where you can avoid all spank-able offenses."

I of course did not like the idea at all.  It sounded like I would be having my bottom bared twice a day by her.  Of course, I really did not have the will or assertiveness to resist.  If this was her plan I had no choice but to comply.  And so it came to be.

It was as little as two days latter when I started grumbling over my wife's request to clean out the garage as there were items too close to the cars and she was worried something would get run over or damaged.  It was cold and I had no desire to be out in the garage.  After a quick warning about how my continued attitude could cross the line into a spank-able offense I was order to "bend over the arm of the couch."

I complained that she was being ridiculous, but she just calmly stated I could either take the warning or wait until the situation escalated into a "full fledged spanking."  So I decided to get it over with a lay over the arm of the couch.  She immediately pulled down the sweat pants I was wearing all the way to my ankles then returned to pull my briefs all the way down to my ankles.  She then left the room and I stayed there for over an hour bent over the couch arm not daring to move.  I felt absolutely ridiculous.

Finally she came back in told me to stand up and face her.  I did looking down at my shriveled tiny penis and thinking how stupid I looked.   She did not say anything or do anything.  I think she just wanted to see me looking stupid with my pants and undies at my ankles.  I stayed like that for about 5 minutes before she told me I could pull my pants back up and that was that. Well, I had to go clean the garage out.

A few days later, I complained about taking the garbage out to the curb.  This time, without warning, she pulled my in front of her as she sat down on the couch.  She unbuckled my pants and pulled them down to my ankles, then pulled down my briefs.  She pulled me over her lap and placed her hand on my bottom.  She gently pushed one of her fingers ever so slightly between my butt checks and then sat like that for about a half hour.  I felt violated, even though it was my wife.  The whole time I laid there shivering at the helplessness I felt laying like that across her lap.  She then let me get up, pull my pants up then ordered me to take out the trash.  Of course, I did it immediately this time.

Another day, I was late coming home and when she asked me why I was late, instead of just telling her about the heavy traffic and having to stop and gas up the car I yelled at her.  That one, I felt bad about.  I don't know why I yelled at her.  I was stressed about the traffic but that was not her fault and I should not have yelled at her.  I actually expected a real spanking for that one.  She ordered me up to the guest room and I figured it was going to be the real deal.  I was ordered to strip down to my briefs and I quickly complied, the whole time begging for forgiveness and leniency.   Once down to my undies I was ordered to place myself over three pillows that she stacked in the middle of the bed. So there I was butt high up on the pillows laying down on the bed.  She came up to me and I flinched as I felt her hands on the waistband of my briefs.  She slowly pulled them down and all the way off until I was completely naked over the pillows.  It made me wonder why she didn't just ask me to strip naked.  I guess she enjoys baring my bottom herself.

So I laid there shivering and I heard the belt being retrieved from the closet and I felt my eyes water slightly in anticipation of the belt smacking down on my tender bottom.  I nearly wet the bed when she gently placed the belt across my bottom then walked out of the room.  She left me my like that for an hour before returning, picking up the belt and placing it back in the closet.  She then told me I was free to get up and go downstairs if I wanted to, but that I was not allowed to get dressed.  I asked if I could at least have my briefs and she said, no.  I was to remain naked until the morning.  So deciding I did not want to be down in the living room and kitchen all night naked, I went to the bathroom, took a shower and read in bed until I fell asleep.

Another day, I was driving with my wife and got a little "irate" at another driver.  Well as soon as we got home and took off my jacket she grabbed me, stood me in front of her and began unbuttoning my jeans.  When I protested as to why she was doing this she reminded me of the "road rage" incident.  I complained that me expressing an opinion about my fellow drivers was hardly road rage. Nonetheless, she informed me that I should show more patience and restraint while driving.  So soon my jeans were at my ankles and she started leading my over to a corner of the living room and I hobbled along, pants at my ankles restraining my movement.  I felt so ridiculous.  She pushed me into a corner and as soon as I was in the corner she pulled my briefs all the way down to my ankles and left me there for nearly 2 hours.  She finally called me out of the corner and ordered me over to the couch where she was sitting.  I shuffles over to her, pants and undies still at my ankles and when I got there she gently guided me over her lap.  She placed her hand on my bottom and then spread my cheeks wide.  I shivered as I felt the cool air brush across my exposed bottom hole.  She kept my cheeks spread for a minute or two and I trembled at the exposure.  Eventually she released my cheeks and after a few more minutes of being over her lap she stood me up and told me I could get dressed.

It has been a very confusing month.  So while I have not been spanked, I have been walking around totally on edge never knowing what little slip up can cause my pants and underpants to be pulled down and then be placed in one of several vulnerable positions that she has had me in.  Also, there has been no sex this month at all and while it seems like my wife is baring my bottom and as a consequence, exposing my penis and testicles to her frequently, I have not seen my wife naked or touched her in just about a month.  As a result I am not sure how to think of her anymore.  Oh she is still my wife, but it is clear to me she is denying me access to her body while she is constantly exposing me and humiliating me for the slightest offense.  I almost wish we would go back to the way things were.  Having to deal with the occasional painful and humiliating spanking was bearable when they were few and far between but these frequent "warnings" at the slightest misstep are becoming very stressful.

Now I saved the worst, but not the last incident, as the last one I will discuss.  It was last weekend and Sarah, who I have spoken about often on here, was due to come over to meet my wife and they were planning on going out Christmas shopping.  My wife was asking about some gift ideas for my mother and wanted to know if I wanted her to pick something up for us to give my mother.  Now I don't know why I did what I did.  There has been a lot of stress at work as we try to close out the year, but I know that should have nothing to do with my wife or mother.

Anyway, I actually just replied that "I don't F***ING know what to get my mother!."

As soon as those words left my lips I knew I was wrong and immediately apologized.  My wife replied, "Well, I am glad you realized that there is no call for that kind of response to s simple question.  Especially since I know you have a lot going on and I am trying to help you out by picking something up for us to give your mother."

"I know, I am sorry.  I don't know why I said that."

My wife just shook her head and said, "Well, as you know we are in this strict warning period, so I will not spank you for something you immediately recognize as a mistake, but you know we need to bare that naughty bottom of yours as a warning,

I swallowed hard and began shaking.  I remembered that day that I posted about in 'A Shot Across the Bow' and remembered how freaked out I got standing around in my underpants in the living room thinking she was going to let Sarah see me in my underpants.  Lately, it had been bare bottomed or even completely naked.  I assumed she was going to either make me bend over the couch or stand in the corner with my bare bottom on display until Sarah arrived.  Like the last time I figured she would allow me to run upstairs at the last moment and get dressed.  Instead of pulling my pants down right there in the living-room she ordered me up to the guest room.  I breathed a sigh of relief.

When we got to the guest room it was the same as before.  I was ordered to strip to my underpants and lay over three pillows she stacked in the middle of the bed.  So once again I was butt up over the three pillows.  She then pulled my briefs down, but this time she left them at my ankles.

She then said, "You are to remain like that until I tell you to move.  You are not to turn around or look away from that wall.  If you do, you will be spanked.", she paused for a second and then very sternly asked, "Is that clear?"

I meekly replied yes.  I then heard her walking downstairs.  About an hour later I heard the door bell ring and I heard Sarah come into the house.  About a half hour later after that I heard someone coming up the stairs.  I assumed it to be my wife.  I heard her come into the room but she did not say anything.  I laid there heart pounding in my chest not sure who was behind me.  I felt so helpless and vulnerable.

I quietly asked, "Honey is that you?" but I got no reply.  I was really trembling now.  A horrible thought filled my mind, I thought, Oh my God, its Sarah.  She actually allowed Sarah to come up and see me laid out helpless and exposed like this.  I became aware that the position I was in left my butt cheeks slightly spread and I clenched in reflex at the thought that she was behind me staring at my unprotected bottom.  I also realized that since my undies were at my ankles, not only was she witnessing my bare bottom but the tighty whities clinging helplessly to my ankles.  I know it sounds stupid, but for some reason having them clinging to my ankles like that was worse than if they were taken completely off.

Again I quietly asked, "Honey, is that you?"  Again I received no reply and again I figured that was proof that it was Sarah.  A part of me wanted to turn around and confirm my worst nightmare but I remembered the warning my wife gave me if I was to turn around.  I would be spanked and if I was to be spanked, Sarah would get to see it.  I could not believe my wife would do this to me for such a tiny little slip up, which I immediately apologized for.  As I became overwhelmed with emotion I began to cry.  Soon I was softly sobbing and tears began to stream down my cheeks.

As the tears began to flow freely and I fought to keep my sobs quiet I finally heard a voice behind me, "OK Honey," my wife's voice quietly spoke finally.  I felt a wave of relief spread over my entire body  and I took a deep breath in relief to clear my head and felt the strangest sensation spread out from my bottom hole and shoot out down my legs and across my body.  It was really weird.

She told me her and Sarah were leaving now.  That I was allowed to pull up my underpants and put on a t-shirt, but I was not to put pants back on until she returned.  I was free to move about the house as I desired, but that Sarah would be coming back to the house when they were done.  She turned to leave and I immediately grabbed my underpants and pulled them up and had a t-shirt on before their car had even backed out the driveway.  I quickly went downstairs to get something to eat, but had half an ear on the door and was prepared to run back up the stairs at a moments notice.    I ended up spending most of the day upstairs and when my wife and Sarah finally returned several hours later I was safely upstairs.  My wife came up looked at me in my t-shirt and undies and told me I could get completely dressed and come downstairs if I wanted to.  To tell you the truth.  I did not want to so I just got dressed and stayed upstairs until Sarah left about a half hour later.

There have been 2 other incidents since this one, all similar, but I think by now you get the idea of the hell I have been going through.  Now I will have to see what the new year brings, hopefully it will be a spank free year, but I do not know if these bare bottom warning session will continue or not.  I actually find them worse than the spankings, which hurt more of course, but they were less frequent.  These bare bottom sessions are happening so frequently that they are effecting my thoughts 24 x 7.  This is definitely a significant change in our relationship.  I only hope it end soon.

Wait Till I Get You Home.

Well, like I said in my last post, it has been quiet.  Almost too quiet.  I have received no threats, no warning since my last spanking.  In some ways it makes me nervous.  I almost want to ask her out and out, Am I still subject to being spanked?

In some ways, I feel the same way I did when I was 12.  It had been a long time since I had been spanked at that age and I came to the conclusion that I was "too old" to be spanked.  My mother did not threaten to spank me or warn me that I would get a spanking if I did so and so, but alas, one day when I misbehaved (mouthed off to her actually) I quickly found myself pants and briefs down over my mother's knee being spanked just like I was still a little boy.  It happened without warning and suddenly it was like the spankings never really stopped.  Of course I know now that the spanking at 12 was to be my last (well at least from my mother) but all through my teenage years I still felt that I could still be spanked without warning if my behavior so warranted it.  I have no doubts that my mother would have bared my bottom at 14, 15, 16, 17 or even 18 if I acted immature or childish and "earned" a spanking.  I was spared a spanking at those ages not because I was "too old" but simply because I "got it" and grew out of the childish behaviors that earned me those spankings.

That is exactly how I feel now.  I must be behaving right so I am not getting spanked, but I would be a fool to believe that the spankings have ended for good.  I am sure that if I cross the line again, I will find myself bare bottom over my wife's knee being spanked just as if they never stopped.  In some ways, when I find myself being spanked by my wife, it is as if my spankings from childhood never stopped, just a change in who is doing the spanking.

Now since I have no new stories to share with everyone, I promised to share a incident that happened when we were still relatively newly weds.  The actual spanking itself was not particularly memorable, but what makes this blog worthy is the fact that I was told I was going to be spanked long before I was actually spanked.

We were at her parents house for a 4th of July BBQ (I know its not really a BBQ if we are grilling, but that's what we call it anyway)  There were many members of her family there, brothers, uncles, aunts, cousins, as well as some children of various ages.  So while I knew everyone there, they were still relative strangers to me.  Oh sure I was related by marriage to them all, but they were still strangers to me.   Anyway, it happened so long ago I don't remember the details, but I will make them up to make for a more interesting story, but the basic story is true.

As is typical with a gathering like this, people start talking, relaxing and often begin discussing controversial topics like politics.   At some point, I was discussing some topic with one of my wife's cousins and as the conversation became more "spirited" I began to find I was "accidentally" inserting superfluous adjectives and adverbs that many people would find crude and offensive.  I think you know that kinds of words I am talking about, especially the one that start with F.

I meant no offense by it, but of course I now know my wife's family is very restrained in the use of such words and they consider it a mark of an uneducated person and one who lacks respect for others.  The worst part of it was some of the children had heard me using the words.  The real little ones were not paying attention, but some of the older children knew these words and had suffered punishment as a result of using them.  They were not used to hearing these words coming out of the mouths of adults in their family so I was a source of confusion to them.  Was I part of the family or was I one of those rude and inconsiderate adults they have heard about.

Anyway, apparently my mother in law spoke to my wife and my wife came over to me and asked to "see me for a second."  She then explained how she was embarrassed about my language, that her family did not appreciate the use of that language and how I should be especially ashamed of myself talking that way in front of all the children.  She told me how if the children used that language they would be punished for it ,without stating what exactly that punishment would be.  Well, I admit I was embarrassed and realized I should have shown restraint.  Even though I had already been spanked by her at this point, I was still not clued in on cause and effect.  I don't know what I was thinking, she was right about this of course.  I should respect the rules of her family and be respectful of the example her family wanted to set for their children.  I guess I did not want to admit that I screwed up, so I downplayed what I did and started arguing that it was no big deal, they should lighten up, I am sure the kids have heard worse, etc, etc.

That did it, she looked at me and simply said, "I don't believe this!  Well when we get home I am going to pull your pants and briefs down to bare your bottom take you over my knee and spank your naughty backside with my hairbrush."

I was dumbstruck.  Like I said, this was not my first spanking, but she was so precise in her description of what would happen when we got home that the image of her doing it quickly shot thought my mind.  I played the image out in my mind and knew what would happen when we got home.  She quickly walked back to the rest of the family and I never even got the opportunity to protest without being in ear shot of other family members.

The rest of the evening went on without another incident, but I became very quiet and sullen as the rest of the family enjoyed their evening.  Every time I looked over a saw my wife talking with someone I swore she was apologizing for my behavior and promising that I would be dealt with when we returned home.  I felt a tingling in my bottom every time some one looked at me as if they knew what was going to happen to me.  The children would become quiet when they came near me.  It was as if they knew I was going to be spanked.  It was typical of the way a child behaves around a naughty child for fear that they will somehow absorb the punishment from that child.  I am sure it was simply them being quiet around the man who was using all those bad words.  Nonetheless, it made me feel very uncomfortable and self conscious the rest of the night.

At one point during the day I heard a little girl yelp and looked over and saw a little boy perhaps around 8 or 9 had pulled the hair of one of the little girls.  I saw his mother get up and as she started to walk towards his I could see that look on his face that he knew what he did was wrong.  His mother grabbed his arm and walked him to the edge of the yard away from the other kids.  She stood him in front of her and bent over to speak directly to him.  I watched as he looked down at his feet and clutched his hands to his sides and his mother obviously scolded him for what he did. After a few seconds he nodded in acknowledgement of what was said to him and his mother stood up and walked back to her seat.  He slowly walked back behind her and you could clearly see the look of embarrassment on his face.

As I thought about my own pending spanking I could not help but project myself onto that little boy and how he must have felt.  It was like I was feeling now, but then I think I quickly realized that he was probably not going to be spanked for what he did.  These were different times and children are not spanked as often as they used to be.  Now don't get me wrong, I had no desire to have that boy spanked, but it did send a shiver up my spine as the contrast came to me.  Here was clearly a naughty little boy and his mother spoke with him, pointed out his mistake, he was sorry for it and while he remained a little embarrassed at his slip up and scolding ,that was it,  He was done.  He was not going to have to bare his backside, go over his mother's knee of feel the sting of the hairbrush.  As I tossed this thought through my head I was starting to feel really depressed.  I thought about how I was going to be spanked like a little boy, bare bottom, over my wife's knee when I got home and the thought that I was being treated, like a child, kept rolling around in my head.  I felt like a child, but in a way I wasn't because real children were not even punished like that anymore.  I had to sit there feeling like a little boy knowing I had a bare bottom spanking waiting for me when I got home, while all around me, real little boys were just enjoying the BBQ and playing with each other while there was no threat at all to their bottoms, only mine.  It really bothered me and I felt butterflies turn over in my stomach every time I thought about the pending spanking.

Now of course when I was a child spankings were very frequent punishments for little boys.  I have certainly spent more than my fair share of time over my mother's knees.  I also recalled going to a family picnic.  We had an aunt and her house was about two blocks from a rail road track.  I was about 10 and one of my distant cousins was there, he was about 8.  We were playing in the yard and heard the whistle of the freight train in the distance.  I suggested we go down and watch the train go by.  He hesitated while I ran down to the tracks, but he eventually followed me.  We watched as the train rolled past and when the long train had finally passed we walked back to the house.  On the way back, his mother yelled at him, "You know you are not allowed down by those train tracks", grabbed him by the arm and dragged him back to the house leaving me standing there feeling guilty.

I arrived back at the house and went looking for him and as I walked around inside, I heard him crying from upstairs and heard the slaps of what sounded like a belt.  The slapping stopped and eventually the crying slowed down.  I heard a door open and my aunt say to him, "When you are ready you can pull your pants up and come downstairs"  I panicked and ran out of the house into the yard and tried to pretend that I did not hear what i just heard.  The rest of the night I kept expecting my mother to come get me and punish me for leading my cousin astray or perhaps I would be dealt with when we got home.  Neither one of those happened and to this day I still have guilt over the spanking I caused my cousin to get, but I rationalized it as I was never told to stay away from the tracks.  If he was told not to go down there and he went, that was his fault not mine and he got what he deserved.

Anyway, I had the whole rest of the evening to have all kinds of thought and memories like this flowing through my head all night.  We eventually left and when we got home, I was almost immediately told to wait in the living room while my wife retrieved the hairbrush.  The spanking went like most spankings go, pants down, briefs down, over the knee.  Afterwards I was told to go right to bed, so I went to bed by myself and I was asleep before my wife came to bed.  This was not a particularly long or hard spanking and there was nothing memorable about the spanking itself, but the lead up and dreading about it all night caused all kinds of thoughts, images and feelings to surface and that is what made this spanking note worthy.

All Quiet On The Western Front

Well it has been a few weeks since my "controversial" trip to the doctors where I chose to wear boxers instead of my usual briefs.  It was the clear consensus of people who took the time to comment that I should have "manned up" and wore the briefs and was the implied preference of my wife.  Nonetheless, there has been no inquiry or consequences as a result of my decision and it seems that I have survived this latest battle.

I do realize however, that the war is not over.  Although I have not been spanked since the last spanking I wrote about I do still feel the possibility of me being spanked again is very real and unfortunately inevitable.  I do not know when I will slip up again and I am doing my best not to, but deep down I recognize my human weakness and dread the day when I once again find myself over my wife's knees feeling the sting of her hairbrush which remains her favorite implement.  Oh sure I have felt her hand and certainly the belt , but the vast majority of the spankings I have received have been the hairbrush.

Sarah was over the other day and that visit went without any incident or tension at all.  In some ways it has been very strange.  If I were to look at just these last few weeks I could come to the conclusion that I was never spanked and just led a normal healthy marriage.  The only real reminder I get of my situation comes every morning when I get dresses and put on a clean pair of tighty whities when I come out of the shower.  I briefly (pun intended) look at myself in the mirror and am reminded that I am putting them on solely at my wife's demand and that I do not get a choice in underpants.  Other than that reminder there are no threats, warnings or admonishments to "be good or else" and certainly no spanking to speak of.

In some ways, a part of me wants to think that perhaps my wife has simply given up and decided that for what ever reason, she no longer feels that spanking me is necessary or productive.  I would really like to think that is the case.  Of course the rational part of me recognizes that I have gone longer periods of time without a spanking and there is no reason to believe that the spankings have stopped for good.  I guess I have just been a "good little boy" and not provided a valid reason for my wife to spank me.  Like I said before, she does not look for menial excuses to spank me.  I would not say that I felt I deserved every spanking I got, but at least I see cause and effect.

For those who take an interest in reading about my spankings, I apologize for not having anything new to speak of.  Of course I could always write about a past spanking experience, but compared to the ones I already wrote about I don't have one that stands out or has an interesting twist to it like the ones I already wrote about.  Well, maybe there is one more story I should relate.  I did get spanked once after get together with her family shortly after we were married.  The spanking was done if private when we got home, but she informed me that I would be spanked while we were still there.  That led to some awkward feelings before we left and some strange feeling after I was actually spanked.  Perhaps I will share the details of that story in the next few days unless I have the unfortunate opportunity to write about a new incident.