Wait Till I Get You Home.

Well, like I said in my last post, it has been quiet.  Almost too quiet.  I have received no threats, no warning since my last spanking.  In some ways it makes me nervous.  I almost want to ask her out and out, Am I still subject to being spanked?

In some ways, I feel the same way I did when I was 12.  It had been a long time since I had been spanked at that age and I came to the conclusion that I was "too old" to be spanked.  My mother did not threaten to spank me or warn me that I would get a spanking if I did so and so, but alas, one day when I misbehaved (mouthed off to her actually) I quickly found myself pants and briefs down over my mother's knee being spanked just like I was still a little boy.  It happened without warning and suddenly it was like the spankings never really stopped.  Of course I know now that the spanking at 12 was to be my last (well at least from my mother) but all through my teenage years I still felt that I could still be spanked without warning if my behavior so warranted it.  I have no doubts that my mother would have bared my bottom at 14, 15, 16, 17 or even 18 if I acted immature or childish and "earned" a spanking.  I was spared a spanking at those ages not because I was "too old" but simply because I "got it" and grew out of the childish behaviors that earned me those spankings.

That is exactly how I feel now.  I must be behaving right so I am not getting spanked, but I would be a fool to believe that the spankings have ended for good.  I am sure that if I cross the line again, I will find myself bare bottom over my wife's knee being spanked just as if they never stopped.  In some ways, when I find myself being spanked by my wife, it is as if my spankings from childhood never stopped, just a change in who is doing the spanking.

Now since I have no new stories to share with everyone, I promised to share a incident that happened when we were still relatively newly weds.  The actual spanking itself was not particularly memorable, but what makes this blog worthy is the fact that I was told I was going to be spanked long before I was actually spanked.

We were at her parents house for a 4th of July BBQ (I know its not really a BBQ if we are grilling, but that's what we call it anyway)  There were many members of her family there, brothers, uncles, aunts, cousins, as well as some children of various ages.  So while I knew everyone there, they were still relative strangers to me.  Oh sure I was related by marriage to them all, but they were still strangers to me.   Anyway, it happened so long ago I don't remember the details, but I will make them up to make for a more interesting story, but the basic story is true.

As is typical with a gathering like this, people start talking, relaxing and often begin discussing controversial topics like politics.   At some point, I was discussing some topic with one of my wife's cousins and as the conversation became more "spirited" I began to find I was "accidentally" inserting superfluous adjectives and adverbs that many people would find crude and offensive.  I think you know that kinds of words I am talking about, especially the one that start with F.

I meant no offense by it, but of course I now know my wife's family is very restrained in the use of such words and they consider it a mark of an uneducated person and one who lacks respect for others.  The worst part of it was some of the children had heard me using the words.  The real little ones were not paying attention, but some of the older children knew these words and had suffered punishment as a result of using them.  They were not used to hearing these words coming out of the mouths of adults in their family so I was a source of confusion to them.  Was I part of the family or was I one of those rude and inconsiderate adults they have heard about.

Anyway, apparently my mother in law spoke to my wife and my wife came over to me and asked to "see me for a second."  She then explained how she was embarrassed about my language, that her family did not appreciate the use of that language and how I should be especially ashamed of myself talking that way in front of all the children.  She told me how if the children used that language they would be punished for it ,without stating what exactly that punishment would be.  Well, I admit I was embarrassed and realized I should have shown restraint.  Even though I had already been spanked by her at this point, I was still not clued in on cause and effect.  I don't know what I was thinking, she was right about this of course.  I should respect the rules of her family and be respectful of the example her family wanted to set for their children.  I guess I did not want to admit that I screwed up, so I downplayed what I did and started arguing that it was no big deal, they should lighten up, I am sure the kids have heard worse, etc, etc.

That did it, she looked at me and simply said, "I don't believe this!  Well when we get home I am going to pull your pants and briefs down to bare your bottom take you over my knee and spank your naughty backside with my hairbrush."

I was dumbstruck.  Like I said, this was not my first spanking, but she was so precise in her description of what would happen when we got home that the image of her doing it quickly shot thought my mind.  I played the image out in my mind and knew what would happen when we got home.  She quickly walked back to the rest of the family and I never even got the opportunity to protest without being in ear shot of other family members.

The rest of the evening went on without another incident, but I became very quiet and sullen as the rest of the family enjoyed their evening.  Every time I looked over a saw my wife talking with someone I swore she was apologizing for my behavior and promising that I would be dealt with when we returned home.  I felt a tingling in my bottom every time some one looked at me as if they knew what was going to happen to me.  The children would become quiet when they came near me.  It was as if they knew I was going to be spanked.  It was typical of the way a child behaves around a naughty child for fear that they will somehow absorb the punishment from that child.  I am sure it was simply them being quiet around the man who was using all those bad words.  Nonetheless, it made me feel very uncomfortable and self conscious the rest of the night.

At one point during the day I heard a little girl yelp and looked over and saw a little boy perhaps around 8 or 9 had pulled the hair of one of the little girls.  I saw his mother get up and as she started to walk towards his I could see that look on his face that he knew what he did was wrong.  His mother grabbed his arm and walked him to the edge of the yard away from the other kids.  She stood him in front of her and bent over to speak directly to him.  I watched as he looked down at his feet and clutched his hands to his sides and his mother obviously scolded him for what he did. After a few seconds he nodded in acknowledgement of what was said to him and his mother stood up and walked back to her seat.  He slowly walked back behind her and you could clearly see the look of embarrassment on his face.

As I thought about my own pending spanking I could not help but project myself onto that little boy and how he must have felt.  It was like I was feeling now, but then I think I quickly realized that he was probably not going to be spanked for what he did.  These were different times and children are not spanked as often as they used to be.  Now don't get me wrong, I had no desire to have that boy spanked, but it did send a shiver up my spine as the contrast came to me.  Here was clearly a naughty little boy and his mother spoke with him, pointed out his mistake, he was sorry for it and while he remained a little embarrassed at his slip up and scolding ,that was it,  He was done.  He was not going to have to bare his backside, go over his mother's knee of feel the sting of the hairbrush.  As I tossed this thought through my head I was starting to feel really depressed.  I thought about how I was going to be spanked like a little boy, bare bottom, over my wife's knee when I got home and the thought that I was being treated, like a child, kept rolling around in my head.  I felt like a child, but in a way I wasn't because real children were not even punished like that anymore.  I had to sit there feeling like a little boy knowing I had a bare bottom spanking waiting for me when I got home, while all around me, real little boys were just enjoying the BBQ and playing with each other while there was no threat at all to their bottoms, only mine.  It really bothered me and I felt butterflies turn over in my stomach every time I thought about the pending spanking.

Now of course when I was a child spankings were very frequent punishments for little boys.  I have certainly spent more than my fair share of time over my mother's knees.  I also recalled going to a family picnic.  We had an aunt and her house was about two blocks from a rail road track.  I was about 10 and one of my distant cousins was there, he was about 8.  We were playing in the yard and heard the whistle of the freight train in the distance.  I suggested we go down and watch the train go by.  He hesitated while I ran down to the tracks, but he eventually followed me.  We watched as the train rolled past and when the long train had finally passed we walked back to the house.  On the way back, his mother yelled at him, "You know you are not allowed down by those train tracks", grabbed him by the arm and dragged him back to the house leaving me standing there feeling guilty.

I arrived back at the house and went looking for him and as I walked around inside, I heard him crying from upstairs and heard the slaps of what sounded like a belt.  The slapping stopped and eventually the crying slowed down.  I heard a door open and my aunt say to him, "When you are ready you can pull your pants up and come downstairs"  I panicked and ran out of the house into the yard and tried to pretend that I did not hear what i just heard.  The rest of the night I kept expecting my mother to come get me and punish me for leading my cousin astray or perhaps I would be dealt with when we got home.  Neither one of those happened and to this day I still have guilt over the spanking I caused my cousin to get, but I rationalized it as I was never told to stay away from the tracks.  If he was told not to go down there and he went, that was his fault not mine and he got what he deserved.

Anyway, I had the whole rest of the evening to have all kinds of thought and memories like this flowing through my head all night.  We eventually left and when we got home, I was almost immediately told to wait in the living room while my wife retrieved the hairbrush.  The spanking went like most spankings go, pants down, briefs down, over the knee.  Afterwards I was told to go right to bed, so I went to bed by myself and I was asleep before my wife came to bed.  This was not a particularly long or hard spanking and there was nothing memorable about the spanking itself, but the lead up and dreading about it all night caused all kinds of thoughts, images and feelings to surface and that is what made this spanking note worthy.

All Quiet On The Western Front

Well it has been a few weeks since my "controversial" trip to the doctors where I chose to wear boxers instead of my usual briefs.  It was the clear consensus of people who took the time to comment that I should have "manned up" and wore the briefs and was the implied preference of my wife.  Nonetheless, there has been no inquiry or consequences as a result of my decision and it seems that I have survived this latest battle.

I do realize however, that the war is not over.  Although I have not been spanked since the last spanking I wrote about I do still feel the possibility of me being spanked again is very real and unfortunately inevitable.  I do not know when I will slip up again and I am doing my best not to, but deep down I recognize my human weakness and dread the day when I once again find myself over my wife's knees feeling the sting of her hairbrush which remains her favorite implement.  Oh sure I have felt her hand and certainly the belt , but the vast majority of the spankings I have received have been the hairbrush.

Sarah was over the other day and that visit went without any incident or tension at all.  In some ways it has been very strange.  If I were to look at just these last few weeks I could come to the conclusion that I was never spanked and just led a normal healthy marriage.  The only real reminder I get of my situation comes every morning when I get dresses and put on a clean pair of tighty whities when I come out of the shower.  I briefly (pun intended) look at myself in the mirror and am reminded that I am putting them on solely at my wife's demand and that I do not get a choice in underpants.  Other than that reminder there are no threats, warnings or admonishments to "be good or else" and certainly no spanking to speak of.

In some ways, a part of me wants to think that perhaps my wife has simply given up and decided that for what ever reason, she no longer feels that spanking me is necessary or productive.  I would really like to think that is the case.  Of course the rational part of me recognizes that I have gone longer periods of time without a spanking and there is no reason to believe that the spankings have stopped for good.  I guess I have just been a "good little boy" and not provided a valid reason for my wife to spank me.  Like I said before, she does not look for menial excuses to spank me.  I would not say that I felt I deserved every spanking I got, but at least I see cause and effect.

For those who take an interest in reading about my spankings, I apologize for not having anything new to speak of.  Of course I could always write about a past spanking experience, but compared to the ones I already wrote about I don't have one that stands out or has an interesting twist to it like the ones I already wrote about.  Well, maybe there is one more story I should relate.  I did get spanked once after get together with her family shortly after we were married.  The spanking was done if private when we got home, but she informed me that I would be spanked while we were still there.  That led to some awkward feelings before we left and some strange feeling after I was actually spanked.  Perhaps I will share the details of that story in the next few days unless I have the unfortunate opportunity to write about a new incident.

"Undress to your underpants and put on this gown..."

Well, today was the day of my annual physical.  Of course many of you who were following my blog know that I had every intention of wearing boxers to my physical in spite of the implied implication that since I was spanked I would be required to wear briefs to my physical.

First off, for the record.  If you read my post "Boxes and Boxers" you will note that it was my wife who made the statement that if I was not spanked before my next physical I could wear boxers, but if she did spank me she would make me wear briefs.  Well at no point did I every agree to this.  In fact I even made the comment that if I were to be spank free I could wear boxers without having to hide the fact from her.  That did not happen.

So to those who said I made an agreement and should be a man and keep my word, I must point out that I gave no word.  I simply acknowledged what my wife's plans were but I never accepted the challenge.  To those who simply feel that I must submit to my wife at all costs, I get what you are saying, but like I said before.  I would rather take a private spanking and accept the consequences rather than have to show up at the doctor's wearing those stupid tighty whities.  I know, many of you feel I am making a big deal out of nothing, but I feel the way I feel.  I can't help but feel self conscience in the briefs, but it is an emotional issue and not an intellectual decision.

At no point prior to my appointment did my wife "remind"  me of her threat to force me to wear briefs to my next appointment.  She had left before I left for the morning having remained silent on the issue.  So yes, I wore boxers.  I arrived home before her having left early to make my appointment and by the time she came home I had already changed into briefs.

I don't know why she remained silent on this, perhaps her incentive to correct my behavior failed and she wanted to conveniently forget to avoid the conflict.  Perhaps she legitimately forgot.  Either way I got to wear my boxers to the appointment.

Now, if she were to suddenly remember and ask me what I wore, I think at this point I would admit to wearing the boxers.  I really don't think she would spank me for wearing them, but even if she did, I am still better off being spanked in private rather than wearing the briefs.

For those who were hoping I would finally be forced to wear the briefs to my doctor's appointment, sorry that I don't have a story to share about how embarrassed I was sitting on the crinkly paper in my tighty whities while the nurse remarked that my pulse and blood pressure seemed to be a little high.  

I don't know what is going to happen next, but it looks like I won this round.

Boxer Backlash

First off, I really want to thank everyone for commenting as it helps me think through all this.  My last post seemed to generate a lot of comments on my admission that I plan to wear boxers at my upcoming physical exam.  Since the majority of the comments were the same I thought I would respond to them in general rather than individually.  Sorry for not responding to each one, but I thought this would be more efficient.  Should you wish to further comment, please do and I will respond individually as appropriate.

First off, let me reiterate my side of the story.  While I maintain that I do not consent to or desire being spanked, I can reluctantly acknowledge that I can sometimes be a bit of a jerk and 90% of the time I can understand what behavior led me to being spanked.  Again, understanding is not acceptance in the true sense of the word. but I find submitting to a spanking easier than doing what it would take to stop them once and for all, i.e. leave my wife.

Now, regarding my underwear choice.  First, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but I really don't care what kind of underwear you wear.  I don't care if your wife makes you wear panties, thongs, jockstraps or whatever.  I am sorry if you feel my wife should make me wear panties, get over it.  This is not about you and your fantasies.  This is about me and my wife.

Talking nasty to my wife, failing to meet my commitments, being rude to guests, I get it, it is bad behavior.  My wife chooses to spank me for that kind of behavior and that is just the way it is.  I get that.  My underwear choice?  That is by no stretch of the imagination bad behavior.  That is her imposing an unfair restriction on me that serves no purpose except to make me feel uncomfortable. I know you all feel I am making a big deal out of this and I should just get over it, but a personal preference for one style of underwear over another is not bad behavior.  Now, because she is my wife, I accepted her personal preference and have worn the briefs in deference to her preference, but I don't see any reason whatsoever to have to wear them where others can see them.  If I wear boxers once a year to the doctors, that is not bad behavior and I will not be forced to do something like that.  I have reluctantly accepted the spankings and the briefs so long as they remain a private matter between my wife and I.

I know you are all hoping that my wife finds out and punishes me for it, but I don't see how she will find out.  I am alone in the exam room with the doctor and/or nurse and they are professionals and will not talk about what happens in the exam room without my permission.  It is as simple as that.  So I will be wearing my boxers to the exam and  I know I will get away with it, so that is that.

Now, why should I have to wear briefs just because my wife says so.  She prefers plain white panties and I have never questioned her choice because unlike her, I feel she should be allowed to wear what makes her comfortable.  What if I were to tell her I want her to only wear a purple thong?  Do you think she should wear it just because I told her that is what I want her to wear?  If she chose to wear one to please me that would be her decision, but if she then said she was going to wear plain white panties to the doctor, than that would be the end of the discussion.

I feel the same way about this and I feel very strongly about it.  In fact I feel so strongly about it that I am even willing to risk a private spanking (though I am confident I will go undetected) if it means I get to wear boxers to my physical.  My mind is made up.  As for speculation about having to wear panties or something more embarrassing, I am not going to consider those hypothetical questions.  I have enough trouble just dealing with my briefs.

Anyway, I hope I did not come across as rude, but this is an issue I feel very passionate about.  I just wanted to make my thoughts and position clear.  Thanks.

Yes, I am still here. Yes, I am still spanked

First off.  I wanted to apologize for not writing sooner.   As there were a lot of questions about he relationship between my wife and I, I wrote a hypothetical interview with my wife where I answered certain questions based on the things she has said to me, told me or that I inferred over the years.

Let's just say that while I hope everyone found the post helpful in understanding the dynamics between myself and my wife, I found the post very emotional.  As I read and re-read what I wrote and reflect on the reality that it represents I find myself confused about what it all means.

It is clear that the only way I can end the spankings is to leave my wife.  I want the spankings to end, but I don't want to leave my wife.  In theory, the spankings will end if my behavior improves once and for all, but no matter how hard I try I always seem to screw up.

Yes, I did get spanked since my last post.  It was a quick and brief spanking for yelling at my wife.  I am human I get angry.  I know it was wrong to yell at my wife.  If we were to simply talk through our differences she would listen and respect what I had to say, but the second I started to get nasty and mean with her, my pants came down and well, I guess you know the rest.  I was angry so it took a little while for the tears to flow, but she continued to spank me until I started crying.   I don't think the spankings will every end.

Now, the appointment has been made for my annual physical.  It will take place after work on the 16th of this month.  She never mentioned forcing me to wear briefs, but I have made up my mind that I will be wearing boxers.  I have even planned to sneak a pair in my jacket if necessary and will change into them when I am left alone to undress for my physical.

If my wife is going to continue to spank me and make me wear briefs than the least I can do is hold out as long as possible to keep this all a secret.  While I have been unsuccessful in keeping myself spank free at least for now they remain a private affair.  I still hope that I can keep Sarah from finding out and make sure no matter what I don't give my wife the slightest excuse to spank me in front of Sarah.

Sorry for the quick and simple post, I have been too emotional to write in more detail, but I will try to keep everyone updated.  Also, I replied back to the comments you have been generous enough to make.  Thanks.

He Said, She Said.

First off, I would like to thank everyone who has commented, and I have tried to reply to most of them, with the exception of the last few exchanges where I was not sure I had anything to add to the conversation yet.  As I read all the comments I realized that I may have given the impression that my wife and I never talk.  That is not really true.  Yes, I find some subjects more difficult talking about than others, but over the years of our marriage my wife and I have discussed a lot of things.

A lot of the people who have commented on my blog have speculated about what my wife would have to say about our marriage?  Well unless she has a blog of her own out there, we really can't say with 100% certainty how she would answer some of the questions that I know many of you would like her to answer.

Well, the more I thought about this, the more I realized that after years of hearing her side of the story and hearing her lectures and explanations, I could probably conduct a theoretical interview with her and I bet you her answers would match mine to about 95% accuracy.  Many of the answers below are things she has told me over the years, explanations she has offered and conversations we have had.  I just never had a chance to work everything we have discussed into one of my stories.

So in the interest of offering both sides of the story, I offer you the following theoretical interview.  Note again, that while I am extremely confident these would be her answers, they are really my understanding of how she would answer the questions based on what she has said to me in the past. So while this is not an actual interview, many of the responses here are the actual answers she has given to me in the past to similar questions.

 Also note that since I am answering these questions based on how I think she would answer, I do not agree with all the answers here.

I hope that by doing this exercise I can provide a more complete picture of what is happening in our lives.

Do you love your husband?

Yes of course I do.

Then why do you spank him?

Because sometimes he acts like a jerk.  He hates being spanked, but it helps him to be a better person.

Why spanking?

Because it works.  It invokes the proper feelings both positive and negative.  It triggers emotions from his childhood when he was more receptive to changing his behavior.  It suppresses his macho attitude that leads him to trouble and humbles him to be more receptive to advice.  He regresses a little but that regression gives him the chance to learn again and be less set in his ways.

Where did you get the idea to spank him?

We shared stories from our childhood and how our parents raised us.  I can tell by the way he described his spankings from his mother that they worked for him and made him a better person.  I tried other methods with some success, but this really seems to work.

What gives you the right to spank him?

As his wife, it is my responsibility to make him the best person he can be.  If the spankings help him correct unwanted behavior, it is my duty to spank him.

How about your behavior?  Why can't he spank you?

First of all, I don't need to be spanked and second of all, it would not work on me the way it works on him.

If you "needed to be spanked" do you agree that your husband would have the right to do it?

If I needed to be spanked, which I don't, and if a spanking was the most effective way to get me to behave the way I should behave.  If all those conditions were met, then yes, my husband would have the right to spank me.

What do you mean you don't need to be spanked?

When my husband offers me advice on how I can improve myself and be a better wife and a better person I accept that advice.   Sometimes, I offer him advice and he accepts it, but all too often, he gets stubborn and refuses to see the mistakes he has made.  That is when he gets spanked.

So are you saying you are better than your husband?

Not really, I make lots of mistakes and so does he.  We are human.  But I am constantly trying to improve myself knowing I will never be perfect.  All to often my husband will fail to acknowledge his mistakes.  I use spankings to help motivate him when he is not self motivated.   This does not make me better, I just am helping overcome his weakness.  He helps me overcome my weaknesses, but that does not involve the need for me to be spanked.

Have you ever spanked him in anger?

Well, once (see the New Year's Eve  Story)  He deserved to be spanked and I have no regrets in spanking him.  I just wish I had sent him to the guest room and waited until I was no longer angry before I spanked him.  Otherwise I am not angry when I spank him.

There are many people out there who get "turned on" by this.  Are you "turned on" by spanking your husband?

No, in fact, for a few days after spanking him I usually have little interest in sex.  He thinks it is part of his punishment, but for me I just need a few days to put the spanking out of my mind.

Do you think this helps or hurts your marriage?

I think having a husband who is a jerk would do more damage to our marriage than me spanking him does.

So do you admit it harms the marriage?

It definitely creates tension and stress, but what marriage doesn't have that?  If spanking him avoids bigger issues from developing, the good coming from it outweighs any negatives.

Do you consider what you are doing as abuse?

If I was doing what I was doing for my satisfaction than yes, it would be abuse.  I am doing what I am doing to help him improve.  I know he does not agree that this is the best way to address his short comings, but it works and he will just have to accept it.

Does it matter that he does not consent to be spanked?

No one ever consents to being punished.  This is indeed punishment.  It is firm, painful and humbling but I do not beat him for my pleasure.  I expect him to suffer the consequences of his actions for the sake of our marriage.

What would you do if your husband reported you to the police?

I do not think he would do that.  I think he would leave me before he would do that, but if he did, I would have no choice but to explain myself in a court of law and accept the judgement of a jury of my peers.

Are you afraid your husband will leave you?

I try to be fair and reasonable, so I do not think he would leave me, but if it came to that, I would accept that as a sign that he is simply no longer willing to work to improve his behavior and therefore, just as well.

Your husband feels his penis is too small.  How do you feel about it?

Well, we have had this conversation and I have been upfront and honest with him about it.  His penis is below average, but it has been hard for me to convince him that sex is in the mind and not his groin.  I enjoy sex with him because I love him.  He can bring we to climax and he can physically satisfy me.  I know he thinks I am just being nice when I say I am more concerned about the size of his heart than the size of his penis.  Maybe I should have lied when I admitted it looked small to me.  I knew what size it was before I married him.  I know it is cliche to say size does not matter, but the truth is, for me, I care more about the man it is attached to then its size.  I am sure there are things about me that fail to meet the specs of his dream woman, but hey, who here is a perfect physical specimen.    I know it bothers him, I know he feels self conscious about it, but it doesn't bother me.

Why do you make your husband wear briefs?

Because they are cheaper and easier to bleach.  For me underwear is a functional item.  I wear plain white panties myself, so there is no double standard here.  It should not be a fashion statement.  I don't know who he plans on showing his underwear to that he is worried about who sees them.

What about the doctor?

Well, at first I thought he was being silly, but I did admit that was probably the one place where someone would see his underpants, so I did agree to allow him to wear his boxers to the doctor's office.  I was hoping that would motivate him to change his behavior once and for all, but unfortunately, I still had to spank him just recently.

So are you going to make him wear briefs to his next appointment?

Well, we will just have to see what happens.

What about Sarah?  Would you really spank your husband in front of Sarah?

There have been several times in the past when he has been a real jerk when she was over visiting.  I am embarrassed for him and tired of defending him from Sarah's complaints.  He is my husband and I see his good sides, but when he acts like such a jerk with Sarah she sees only the jerk.  I have been very strict with him regarding his behavior towards her and it seems to be helping.  I want that to continue so he needs to know that I am not bluffing.  If he acts like I jerk to her again I will spank him in front of Sarah.

Do you want to spank him in front of Sarah? 

Absolutely not, but I will do what I have to do.  I know he is terrified of being spanked in front of her and I sincerely hope that is enough to keep him from going back to his old ways.

Does Sarah know you spank your husband?

No.

How do you think she will react?

I have know Sarah longer than I have known my husband.  Our friendship goes all the way back to junior high.  I honestly do not know how she will react.  I am sure she will be shocked, but I know she will support me and we will have a long talk afterwards.  I know she will be discreet and sensitive with this knowledge if I ever comes to that.

What if he refuses to be spanked in front of her?

If I make the decision he is to be spanked in front of her, it will happen.

How can you be so sure?

Because, and I have discussed this with him already.  He knows what behavior will cause me to make this decision.  If he does not want to be spanked in front of Sarah, then he simply has to act civilized when she is here.  We are not talking about me looking for the slightest slip up before I pounce.  He knows the behavior I am talking about.  It is consistent and ongoing.  He ignores warnings and requests to change.  I have seen it before and he has been spanked for it after she left.  He knows exactly what I am talking about.  If he acts that way again I will spank him then and there with Sarah watching.  He will have no one to blame but himself.

Because of this,  deep down he will know he is wrong.  He may plea and beg, but in his heart of hearts he will know he was wrong.  He does not want to be a jerk and the guilt will ultimately lead him to submit.

But what if he surprises you and really refuses?  What if he runs out of the house?  What if he locks himself in the bathroom?

We have never discussed this, but I think he knows the answer.  I made it clear before we even got married.  We either address his behavior with methods that get results or we need to worry about the long term viability of our marriage.

What if Sarah refuses to stay and watch?  What if she excuses herself and leaves?

That is her choice.  He will be spanked then and there.  If she chooses to leave, than so be it.

Last question.  Do you ever see the spankings stopping?

Yes, they will stop when his behavior improves permanently or when they no longer seem to work.  I can certainly make the spankings more severe, to a point, but there is a limit to how severe a spanking I will give.    If they ever stop working and his behavior becomes unbearable, then that might be worse for our marriage than the spankings.  Personally, I hope his behavior improves before the spankings become ineffective.

The Pain is Gone, But the Memories Go On.

Certainly this last spanking I received has been one of the physically worst spankings I have every received but also a very emotionally draining one as well.  It has forced me to face a few thoughts all of which have left me very uncomfortable.

First off, while reading some of your comments has been very difficult, please don't feel guilty for telling me what you believe is the truth even if it is difficult for me to accept or agree with.  many of you have been supportive and encouraging and some of you have been very candid and upfront in you assessment of my situation.  I appreciate all of the comments, the ones that make me feel better as well as the ones that leave me squirming uncomfortably.

The first though that comes to me is that I have no real choice but to accept the fact that I will be spanked for as long as I am married to this woman.  I do continue to believe that I can improve my behavior so that these spankings are few and far between and perhaps less severe, but I am only human and know that I will slip up and that there will be more spankings in my future.  I can live with that so long as they continue to be fair and reasonable.

Second, there have been some thoughts and comments that have left me very uncomfortable and I was at first very reluctant to write about them.  I have already written about how I terrified that one day I will be spanked in front of Sarah.  Of all the things I am afraid of the thought that sooner of later I will be spanked in front of her terrifies me to no end.  It seems a real possibility and I have laid awake some nights worrying about it.  This last incident however has raised a new disturbing thought in my head.  Some have teased me about how this man I offended should have been invited to watch my spanking.  I also have been reliving the time I had on the phone with him, hearing his voice on the phone while I was naked from the waist down cupping my tiny penis in my hand.  I imagine him staring at me and laughing at the site of a recently spanked half naked man having to stand there and apologize to him.  I have found the thoughts very disturbing.

Up until this point I never even considered the fact that my would spank me in front of someone else and if she did that person would be Sarah.  Now I have something new to worry about.  Given the numerous warnings I have gotten about being spanked in front of Sarah, to me it is clear that sooner or later it is going to happen.  Many on here try to reassure me that it will not be the end of the world.  I am not convinced and it remains my number 1 fear.  While thinking about it terrifies me, when I think about being spanked in front of Sarah vs. being spanked in front of someone else, I find the thought of being spanked in front of another man to be a 100 times worse than being spanked in front of Sarah.  I can not imagine even imagine it and hope that idea only exists in the minds of some of my blog readers.  Luckily I have seen no hints that my wife would consider spanking my in front of another man.  While she has threatened it, I still think she is reluctant to spank me in front of Sarah.

Finally, I am a very shy person.  Hence all these thoughts about being spanked in front of others really bothers me.  I unfortunately must face another reality that is more imminent.  While my wife and I have discussed this before, we have not discussed this since my last spanking.  I would presume that for my upcoming physical exam in October, my wife will expect me to wear my briefs instead of my boxers.  I know you all think I am being ridiculous, but for me this is really a big deal.  She previously threatened to make sure I had on my briefs and to even drive me to my physical.  I don't know why this is so important to her.  It is very important to me.  I am not wearing briefs to my next physical.  Period.  If she is serious about making sure I am wearing briefs and drives me, then so be it.  I will sneak a pair of boxers in my pocket and when I am left alone to "undress" I will simply put the boxers on.  She will never know.  So I will take consolation that this will be one battle she will not win.

On that note, I will conclude by saying that there actually is one more thing.  I will reserve it for the next post.  I normally do not write about the sexual relations between my wife and I, but since this last spanking my wife and I have not been having a normal sex life.  I usually have to go about a week of so after a spanking before we get intimate again, but this time it has been almost a month since we have done it.   After this spanking, my wife went 3 weeks before initiating anything, but I found that as we were beginning to get into it, memories of the spanking, the humiliation, the being treated like a child all prevented me from becoming aroused.  It led to some very interesting conversation, but I will save that for the next post.  Hopefully by then I can report that I have since overcome those challenges and everything is back to normal.