I know it was been a while since I posted, sorry but I have been doing a lot of thinking.
First off, sorry that I have not responded to the many comments that so many of you were kind enough to provide. I will make some general comments and apologize for not responding individually.
First, to those who are encouraging me to talk this out with my wife, I want to I really do but I just haven't found the courage to yet.
For those finding older post and suggesting I should be forced to wear panties and a bra, you are just projecting your sexual fantasies onto my situation. In some ways, I am OK with that, but I also realize it is just fantasy and not relevant to what is really happening with me.
For those who are making comments that I got what I deserved I have to admit I do feel a little like I got what I deserved. It pains me every time I think about that spanking and how I cried, but I realize I freaked her out. She was scared and angry and I realize how selfish I was, but that said, there was another comment as to what would happen if it was me that did that to her.
While I was not brave enough to talk to my wife about this I am sorry to say that I did reach out to a lawyer anonymously, not my friend, I called one from a phone book ad. Even speaking anonymously, I was really nervous but managed to squeak out the story and asked if I wanted to, and I was not saying I did, could I bring my wife up on assault charges.
First, he told told me he specialized in criminal defense and not prosecution, but here is what he said. By the letter of the law she could be arrested and charged with domestic violence.
He did warn me that as a defense attorney, he would make the case that this was consensual sex play. He said if she punched me, kicked me, hit me with a two by four across the head it would clear she was assaulting me. But if the only thing she ever did was hit me with a belt on my buttocks, I would have a very hard time of finding a jury who would believe that a man would submit to a spanking from his wife if it was not consensual. He apologized (I guess implying I was a wimp) but said if I really didn't want to be hit by her I needed to leave the house the next time she tried it. If she tried to stop me I should call the police, but under no circumstances should I hit her or even push her. He said unfortunately while the law did acknowledge that men could be abused by their wives, if there is any doubt as to who the aggressor was, police tend to assume it was the man. If hey show up and there are any injuries on her, even if my buttocks was bruised, I would probably be the one to take the ride. I thanked him and hung up the phone wondering what he must have thought of me. He was serious and professional on the phone, but I am sure I am the talk of the water cooler now.
I don't want my wife arrested but the reality that I probably could not make the case if I wanted to makes me realize the predicament I am in. I am not sure anyone would believe this is anything other than consensual sex play.
I have to get up the nerve to talk to my wife. Somehow if I found out she was doing this for sexual pleasure I think I could accept that. I am afraid to ask as I am not sure how I would feel if she really just thought she had the right to treat me as a child.
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Wednesday, January 1, 2014
Happy New Year
I say happy new year because it is tradition, but so far the new year is not happy.
Last week I got the worst spanking of my marriage. It really left me thinking a lot and while this forum is hardly a good therapist I wanted to get some feedback.
This was December 27 I was at work and our boss was going to give us all off until January 2nd to celebrate New years in exchange for working late Friday to make sure all the orders got out before the close of the fiscal year. I called my wife to tell her I was working late. She was disappointed as we had plans for the evening, but understood that work comes first. I didn't know how long we would be so I couldn't tell her when to expect me. Well it only took us an hour to get all the work done and we were all so happy it didn't take that long so the rest of the team decided to stop by for a drink before heading home. Now I don't "drink" but thought I should stop for a Coke to celebrate our successful year. So three hours later I head home and as soon as I walk in the door my wife jumps off the couch and starts yelling at me.
"Where have you been?"
"Working"
"I called the office two hours ago to ask you if you wanted me to save your dinner of if you were going to eat at the office. Your boss answered and said he just sent the team home and apologized to me for keeping you late. I assumed you were on your way home and made dinner for us. When you didn't come home in 20 minutes I started to get worried. When you were not here an hour later I really started freaking out. Why didn't you answer your cell phone, I thought you got killed in some accident you jerk."
I noticed that all though she was mad, she had watery eyes. I realized what a jerk I had been and explained that I stopped by for a Coke with the team and I just considered it part of the "job" as bonding with co-workers is important. My cell phone battery had died so I couldn't call her. She agreed in theory, but then told me I should have called and told her even if I had to borrow a phone. I realized of course she was right, but she then ordered me up to the guest room and that is when I realized I was in for a spanking. I felt so bad, that I didn't argue with her, but I new she was really upset as I was being sent to the guest room and not our bedroom where the spanking usually take place. I was afraid I was going to be sleeping alone tonight.
When she came into the room she had a thick leather belt I had never seen before. She ordered me to take my pants off which I did, but that was a change from my usual spankings where I just have to take my pants down to my knees. I stood before her in my white briefs and t-shirt feeling like a little boy as I stared at the belt folded over in her hand. I can tell you my penis was shriveled up to less than an inch and there was nothing sexual about this for me and looking at her still watery eyes I don't think there was for her.
She ordered me to lay down on the bed, again a change as she usually has me lay over her knee. I laid down on the bed and she ordered me to put my head down. She then pulled my briefs all the way down and off and pulled my t-shirt up to my shoulder blades. All changes from a normal spanking. She then explained to me as best as I can remember it, "This has been the most irresponsible thing you have ever done since we were married. I am going to tan your backside good. I want you to think about how scarred I was while you were out there enjoying your Coke.
And then it started, right from the first stroke it stung worse than I would have imagined. I yelled and turned over in reflex, but quickly laid back down knowing how upset she was. Again the belt came down quickly before I could even calm down. This time I bucked my rear up but quickly laid back down. And that is how the spanking went. She hit, I tried my best to stay still but I couldn't help it every stoke caused a reflex that I either turned, put my hand back, put my legs up or some other reaction, but I tried to end the spanking as quickly as I could by getting back into position as fast as I could, but it just seemed to continue. I thought it would never end and after one particularly solid shot, it happened, I jumped up faced my wife and begged her to please stop as the moisture that was building in my eyes began to flow down my cheeks. If this was a sexual thing and I had a safe word I would have used it at this point. I looked at her pleading for her to stop and when she looked back at me, her voice creaking and a little teary herself she just calmly replied, sorry, we are not done yet, lay back down.
The words scared me, I had no idea how long she planned on spanking me I was truly shaking with fear again I begged as I started crying real tears at this point, she was making me really cry. I don't know why I was crying. Certainly the pain, but something was wrong with me. I didn't want the spanking to continue. I was a grown man and I could have got up and walked out the door, but instead I was pleading with her to stop and when she wouldn't I felt I had not choice but to lay back down and take it some more. I felt so ashamed at myself for not being a man. As the belt came back down, the ritual continued with me bucking and squirming under the belt, the only difference is I was now bawling like a child. Crying I was actually crying and I felt so ashamed of myself but something inside me felt compelled to continue to lay there as best I could. I laid there loudly crying into the pillow before I realized that the spanking had finally stopped. I cried for a few minutes and then it subsided into sobbing. I wasn't sure if she was even still behind me and finally turned around to look. She was sitting on a chair and she had tears running down her cheeks When she saw me looking at her she quickly looked away and wiped them away. She stood up and faced the door and said to me in a creaky voice, "This better be the last time I need to spank you for any reason. I want you to sleep in the guest room. We will get past this, but for now I want to be alone. I will see you in the morning."
So I slept in the guest room that night, on my stomach with no pants on. In the morning I woke and quickly looked at the damage she caused. It was red, very red, there was a few bruises but my bottom was not as badly damaged as I had imagined it, with blood pouring out of it and skin blistered. In fact it made me a little embarrassed that I cried so much I think my ego needed to see skin hanging off to justify my crying. I realized in the morning the crying was as much a part of how I damaged the relation with my wife than about the actual pain in my backside.
Anyway, things are slowly getting back to normal, but she is still upset over this whole thing. She sent me to bed early on New Year's eve even though we had company over. She made an excuse that I was not feeling well (some truth to that) Our guests offered to leave but we insisted they stay and not let me ruin their party. My wife started walking upstairs with me and just when I though she was putting me in the guest room (which I had spent the last few night in) she led me to our bedroom. She asked me to take my pants off and lay down on my stomach. I panicked thinking she was going to spank me again with the guests in the house and I immediately started tearing up and begging her not to. She just told me to do it so I did. I laid down and she pulled my briefs down and off again and I started crying thinking about the spanking to come with our friends down stairs. I flinched when I felt her hand gently rubbing across my backside. It was then I realized that this was probably the first time she had seen the damage she had done. As I realized I was not in for another spanking my cries quickly subsided and I wiped the tears from my eyes. She stood up and then said, tomorrow is a new year. We will discuss this no more, but I want you to remember this spanking the next time your thinking of doing something so selfish and stupid. She kissed me the cheek wished me happy new year and went downstairs. I laid on my stomach still pants-less, not sure if I was allowed to put my PJs on. I couldn't sleep so I laid there almost all night finally falling asleep after midnight. I woke early and my wife is still sleeping. I am taking this time to write this story figuring it will be a while before she wakes up.
Anyway, thanks to anyone who took the time to read this. I certainly have a lot of thinking to do and while I realize that I will be getting comments from people who get off on this kind of stuff, that's fine with me. If you want to jerk off to this story that doesn't bother me, but I can tell you, I have some soul searching to do. I am not sure I want my wife to have this kind of power over me. When I think about how I cried last night on just the thought that she was going to spank me I realized I was no longer a man. Yes it is a new year but I am not sure what it will bring. I don't know if I can take another spanking like I did last week.
Last week I got the worst spanking of my marriage. It really left me thinking a lot and while this forum is hardly a good therapist I wanted to get some feedback.
This was December 27 I was at work and our boss was going to give us all off until January 2nd to celebrate New years in exchange for working late Friday to make sure all the orders got out before the close of the fiscal year. I called my wife to tell her I was working late. She was disappointed as we had plans for the evening, but understood that work comes first. I didn't know how long we would be so I couldn't tell her when to expect me. Well it only took us an hour to get all the work done and we were all so happy it didn't take that long so the rest of the team decided to stop by for a drink before heading home. Now I don't "drink" but thought I should stop for a Coke to celebrate our successful year. So three hours later I head home and as soon as I walk in the door my wife jumps off the couch and starts yelling at me.
"Where have you been?"
"Working"
"I called the office two hours ago to ask you if you wanted me to save your dinner of if you were going to eat at the office. Your boss answered and said he just sent the team home and apologized to me for keeping you late. I assumed you were on your way home and made dinner for us. When you didn't come home in 20 minutes I started to get worried. When you were not here an hour later I really started freaking out. Why didn't you answer your cell phone, I thought you got killed in some accident you jerk."
I noticed that all though she was mad, she had watery eyes. I realized what a jerk I had been and explained that I stopped by for a Coke with the team and I just considered it part of the "job" as bonding with co-workers is important. My cell phone battery had died so I couldn't call her. She agreed in theory, but then told me I should have called and told her even if I had to borrow a phone. I realized of course she was right, but she then ordered me up to the guest room and that is when I realized I was in for a spanking. I felt so bad, that I didn't argue with her, but I new she was really upset as I was being sent to the guest room and not our bedroom where the spanking usually take place. I was afraid I was going to be sleeping alone tonight.
When she came into the room she had a thick leather belt I had never seen before. She ordered me to take my pants off which I did, but that was a change from my usual spankings where I just have to take my pants down to my knees. I stood before her in my white briefs and t-shirt feeling like a little boy as I stared at the belt folded over in her hand. I can tell you my penis was shriveled up to less than an inch and there was nothing sexual about this for me and looking at her still watery eyes I don't think there was for her.
She ordered me to lay down on the bed, again a change as she usually has me lay over her knee. I laid down on the bed and she ordered me to put my head down. She then pulled my briefs all the way down and off and pulled my t-shirt up to my shoulder blades. All changes from a normal spanking. She then explained to me as best as I can remember it, "This has been the most irresponsible thing you have ever done since we were married. I am going to tan your backside good. I want you to think about how scarred I was while you were out there enjoying your Coke.
And then it started, right from the first stroke it stung worse than I would have imagined. I yelled and turned over in reflex, but quickly laid back down knowing how upset she was. Again the belt came down quickly before I could even calm down. This time I bucked my rear up but quickly laid back down. And that is how the spanking went. She hit, I tried my best to stay still but I couldn't help it every stoke caused a reflex that I either turned, put my hand back, put my legs up or some other reaction, but I tried to end the spanking as quickly as I could by getting back into position as fast as I could, but it just seemed to continue. I thought it would never end and after one particularly solid shot, it happened, I jumped up faced my wife and begged her to please stop as the moisture that was building in my eyes began to flow down my cheeks. If this was a sexual thing and I had a safe word I would have used it at this point. I looked at her pleading for her to stop and when she looked back at me, her voice creaking and a little teary herself she just calmly replied, sorry, we are not done yet, lay back down.
The words scared me, I had no idea how long she planned on spanking me I was truly shaking with fear again I begged as I started crying real tears at this point, she was making me really cry. I don't know why I was crying. Certainly the pain, but something was wrong with me. I didn't want the spanking to continue. I was a grown man and I could have got up and walked out the door, but instead I was pleading with her to stop and when she wouldn't I felt I had not choice but to lay back down and take it some more. I felt so ashamed at myself for not being a man. As the belt came back down, the ritual continued with me bucking and squirming under the belt, the only difference is I was now bawling like a child. Crying I was actually crying and I felt so ashamed of myself but something inside me felt compelled to continue to lay there as best I could. I laid there loudly crying into the pillow before I realized that the spanking had finally stopped. I cried for a few minutes and then it subsided into sobbing. I wasn't sure if she was even still behind me and finally turned around to look. She was sitting on a chair and she had tears running down her cheeks When she saw me looking at her she quickly looked away and wiped them away. She stood up and faced the door and said to me in a creaky voice, "This better be the last time I need to spank you for any reason. I want you to sleep in the guest room. We will get past this, but for now I want to be alone. I will see you in the morning."
So I slept in the guest room that night, on my stomach with no pants on. In the morning I woke and quickly looked at the damage she caused. It was red, very red, there was a few bruises but my bottom was not as badly damaged as I had imagined it, with blood pouring out of it and skin blistered. In fact it made me a little embarrassed that I cried so much I think my ego needed to see skin hanging off to justify my crying. I realized in the morning the crying was as much a part of how I damaged the relation with my wife than about the actual pain in my backside.
Anyway, things are slowly getting back to normal, but she is still upset over this whole thing. She sent me to bed early on New Year's eve even though we had company over. She made an excuse that I was not feeling well (some truth to that) Our guests offered to leave but we insisted they stay and not let me ruin their party. My wife started walking upstairs with me and just when I though she was putting me in the guest room (which I had spent the last few night in) she led me to our bedroom. She asked me to take my pants off and lay down on my stomach. I panicked thinking she was going to spank me again with the guests in the house and I immediately started tearing up and begging her not to. She just told me to do it so I did. I laid down and she pulled my briefs down and off again and I started crying thinking about the spanking to come with our friends down stairs. I flinched when I felt her hand gently rubbing across my backside. It was then I realized that this was probably the first time she had seen the damage she had done. As I realized I was not in for another spanking my cries quickly subsided and I wiped the tears from my eyes. She stood up and then said, tomorrow is a new year. We will discuss this no more, but I want you to remember this spanking the next time your thinking of doing something so selfish and stupid. She kissed me the cheek wished me happy new year and went downstairs. I laid on my stomach still pants-less, not sure if I was allowed to put my PJs on. I couldn't sleep so I laid there almost all night finally falling asleep after midnight. I woke early and my wife is still sleeping. I am taking this time to write this story figuring it will be a while before she wakes up.
Anyway, thanks to anyone who took the time to read this. I certainly have a lot of thinking to do and while I realize that I will be getting comments from people who get off on this kind of stuff, that's fine with me. If you want to jerk off to this story that doesn't bother me, but I can tell you, I have some soul searching to do. I am not sure I want my wife to have this kind of power over me. When I think about how I cried last night on just the thought that she was going to spank me I realized I was no longer a man. Yes it is a new year but I am not sure what it will bring. I don't know if I can take another spanking like I did last week.
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