The Pain is Gone, But the Memories Go On.

Certainly this last spanking I received has been one of the physically worst spankings I have every received but also a very emotionally draining one as well.  It has forced me to face a few thoughts all of which have left me very uncomfortable.

First off, while reading some of your comments has been very difficult, please don't feel guilty for telling me what you believe is the truth even if it is difficult for me to accept or agree with.  many of you have been supportive and encouraging and some of you have been very candid and upfront in you assessment of my situation.  I appreciate all of the comments, the ones that make me feel better as well as the ones that leave me squirming uncomfortably.

The first though that comes to me is that I have no real choice but to accept the fact that I will be spanked for as long as I am married to this woman.  I do continue to believe that I can improve my behavior so that these spankings are few and far between and perhaps less severe, but I am only human and know that I will slip up and that there will be more spankings in my future.  I can live with that so long as they continue to be fair and reasonable.

Second, there have been some thoughts and comments that have left me very uncomfortable and I was at first very reluctant to write about them.  I have already written about how I terrified that one day I will be spanked in front of Sarah.  Of all the things I am afraid of the thought that sooner of later I will be spanked in front of her terrifies me to no end.  It seems a real possibility and I have laid awake some nights worrying about it.  This last incident however has raised a new disturbing thought in my head.  Some have teased me about how this man I offended should have been invited to watch my spanking.  I also have been reliving the time I had on the phone with him, hearing his voice on the phone while I was naked from the waist down cupping my tiny penis in my hand.  I imagine him staring at me and laughing at the site of a recently spanked half naked man having to stand there and apologize to him.  I have found the thoughts very disturbing.

Up until this point I never even considered the fact that my would spank me in front of someone else and if she did that person would be Sarah.  Now I have something new to worry about.  Given the numerous warnings I have gotten about being spanked in front of Sarah, to me it is clear that sooner or later it is going to happen.  Many on here try to reassure me that it will not be the end of the world.  I am not convinced and it remains my number 1 fear.  While thinking about it terrifies me, when I think about being spanked in front of Sarah vs. being spanked in front of someone else, I find the thought of being spanked in front of another man to be a 100 times worse than being spanked in front of Sarah.  I can not imagine even imagine it and hope that idea only exists in the minds of some of my blog readers.  Luckily I have seen no hints that my wife would consider spanking my in front of another man.  While she has threatened it, I still think she is reluctant to spank me in front of Sarah.

Finally, I am a very shy person.  Hence all these thoughts about being spanked in front of others really bothers me.  I unfortunately must face another reality that is more imminent.  While my wife and I have discussed this before, we have not discussed this since my last spanking.  I would presume that for my upcoming physical exam in October, my wife will expect me to wear my briefs instead of my boxers.  I know you all think I am being ridiculous, but for me this is really a big deal.  She previously threatened to make sure I had on my briefs and to even drive me to my physical.  I don't know why this is so important to her.  It is very important to me.  I am not wearing briefs to my next physical.  Period.  If she is serious about making sure I am wearing briefs and drives me, then so be it.  I will sneak a pair of boxers in my pocket and when I am left alone to "undress" I will simply put the boxers on.  She will never know.  So I will take consolation that this will be one battle she will not win.

On that note, I will conclude by saying that there actually is one more thing.  I will reserve it for the next post.  I normally do not write about the sexual relations between my wife and I, but since this last spanking my wife and I have not been having a normal sex life.  I usually have to go about a week of so after a spanking before we get intimate again, but this time it has been almost a month since we have done it.   After this spanking, my wife went 3 weeks before initiating anything, but I found that as we were beginning to get into it, memories of the spanking, the humiliation, the being treated like a child all prevented me from becoming aroused.  It led to some very interesting conversation, but I will save that for the next post.  Hopefully by then I can report that I have since overcome those challenges and everything is back to normal.

After the Fall

So I laid there on the guest bed my backside burning and the tears and sobbing slowing, but still continuing.  I was in total disbelief and what had happened, both in the fact that I got spanked for such a trivial offense and for the severity of that spanking.  Also, laying in the guest bedroom it was clear that my wife and I had not yet made up.  I realized that there might be a night or two that I would have to spend in the guest bedroom before things got back to normal.

As the crying finally subsided, I became aware of the fact that I really needed to pee.  I rolled over on to my side and curled up slightly and cupped my penis in my hands as if that would somehow make the urge to go disappear.  I looked down and became aware of how pathetic I looked.  Here I was naked from the waist down wearing only a t-shirt.  In someways, having my shirt on was worse than being naked completely.  It somehow reminded me that I was not undress for a bath or for sex, but I was being punished.  Yes, the spanking may be over, but I was still being punished.  I had been warned not to get out of bed and in spite of the strong urge to pee, I dared not get out of bed.  So I laid there trying not to think of the pressure building in my bladder. 

I hated myself for letting this happen.  I still could not believe my wife had spanked me, overpowered me and forced me over her lap like a child and spanked me till I was crying uncontrollably.  I did not hate my wife, although I was angry with her, but hated myself for allowing this to happen or at least not being strong enough to stop it.  I felt like such a helpless child and I hated myself for not being a man. 

I became aware of the tiny shriveled penis in my hands.  It was so small, barely a nub.  I wish I had the courage to take a picture of it as I am sure no one would believe how small and tiny it gets when I am frightened and scared like this.  I rubbed it slightly trying to get it to grow a little, but I was in no mood to get it to grown even a tiny bit.  I looked down and cursed myself and my pathetic little penis.  I know that erect it is still below average, but at least it looks like a penis, even if it is a small one.  As if I did not feel enough like a man I didn't need my shriveled penis as a reminder of how pathetic I was. 

I laid there shivering and trembling unsure of how long it would be before my wife came back to check on me.  I laid there for about a half an hour before the door finally opened and my wife came in.  Before she even had a chance to say anything to me I looked at her with pleading eyes. 

"Honey, I really need to go to the bathroom.  Can I go to the bathroom?"

With no emotion in her voice she replied, "Use the hall bathroom."  implying that I was not to use the bathroom attached to our master bedroom.  At that point I did not care, I just really needed to pee.  

When I was done I started walking back to the guest bedroom.  My wife was standing in the doorway.  It was then that I noticed she had the hairbrush in her hands.  My heart nearly leaped out of my throat and I am so glad that I peed first or else I might have lost bladder control.  I felt my butt cheeks clench at the site, but was not convinced she intended to spank me again.  After all, how much trouble could I have gotten into just laying in the bed?  Surely the belt spanking she had given me had been sufficient.  I could still feel the heat of that spanking coming off my bottom and it still stung a little.

She saw my eyes glance at the hairbrush and I noticed her eyes glance at my groin, my hands still clutched protectively in front.  I slowed my pace as I got closer to her, unsure of what was going to happen.  

"Come on back in." she said when she saw me slowing my pace. 

As I got to the doorway mere inches from her she finally turned and walked into the room behind her.  I suddenly began shaking again as if I had suddenly been dumped in a bucket of ice water as it became clear to me that I was still in trouble.  She walked to the side of the bed and I stood there next to her not sure what I was supposed to do next.  She looked me up and down and she could probably see me trembling, not so much from the cold, but from fear and uncertainty.  Why did she have the hairbrush?  I trembled thinking that she intended to spank me again.  I looked down at my feet tying to avoid the site of her.  I took a deep breath and let it out slowly trying to compose myself and reassure myself that she was just here to lecture me and the hairbrush was merely a symbol of her authority.  

"Do you know why I had to spank you with the belt?" she asked, calmly. 

"Because I would not apologize to our guest."  I answered confidently.  

"Well, not exactly.  That would have gotten you a hairbrush spanking.  No, I had to tan your backside with the belt because of your defiance and refusal to both recognize the mistake you made and accepting the punishment for it.   You have no one to blame but yourself for this.  At every opportunity you had the chance to make the right choice and every time you made the wrong choice.  This is the most childish you have acted since we have been married and here I was thinking you were finally starting to show some maturity.  A man would have simply walked up to our guest and told him he meant no offense by the jokes he was telling.  That is all it would have taken.  That's it, that is all that needed to be done.  You refused convincing yourself you did nothing wrong.  Like a child you did not think that other peoples feelings mattered.  Like a spoiled little brat you could not care less what another human beings feelings were.  You refused to reach out compassionately to another person and say you were sorry.  You could not swallow your pride to make another person feel better.  What a childish attitude."

The words were starting to sting a little.  It was hard to argue with her.  I still feel I did nothing wrong, but the point she was making was valid.  What would have been the big deal to turn back the clock and simply speak with him.  As I stood there naked from the waist down in front of my wife feeling like a naughty little boy I finally started to get her point.  Why the hell didn't she make that point earlier?  The lecture continued. 

"So, you left me no choice but to spank you.  Then, you refused to accept your punishment, refused to pull your pants and underpants down and refused to submit to your spanking.  I gave you several opportunities to accept your punishment and you refused.  So I finally had to take matters into my own hand.  I hope now you realize that when I say you are to be spanked that means you are going to be spanked.  Refusing me will only make things worse as I hope you now realize."

I slowly nodded my head yes.  

"Now that it is clear what happened and why we are here, then I hope you realize that the belt spanking was for your defiance and refusal to accept responsibility."

Again I nodded yes.

"OK, then."  she sat down on the bed, "now get over my knee as you still have a hairbrush spanking coming for the refusal to apologize."

I couldn't believe what I just heard.  I didn't think I could take another spanking so soon.  I immediately began begging for mercy, "No please, please don't spank me again, I don't think I can take another spanking.  My backside is already on fire."

"Well, I am sorry, but you brought this on yourself.  Now are you going to come over here and get over my knee or do I need to go get the belt again"

"No, please honey.  I will do what you say, I am not refusing you, but please please don't spank me again."

Just writing this out again.  makes me so disgusted at myself.  There I was naked from the waist down my tiny little penis cupped protectively in my hands, my bottom still sore from the previous spanking and I was pleading with my wife not to spank me again.  I was shaking and trembling with fear.  I knew if I resisted she could overpower me and who knows what would happen.  How the hell did I get here.  Where did I go wrong.  So far at least I managed to hold back the crying but other than that I had no dignity left in me as a man.  I was no longer a man in any sense of the word.  I did not know what I was.

Up until now I never felt my wife invented excuses to spank me.  Now for the first time I felt she did.  For all I know this guy never even complained to my wife and was never offended.  I felt betrayed and then a very strange feeling came over me.  I stood there feeling like a powerless child very aware of the tiny shriveled penis cupped in my hands.  While reliving the days events when I though about this guy who caused all the problems I shivered as I thought of him and how he most likely had at least an average sized penis.  For a split second I imagined him laughing at the site of my tiny penis and became very uncomfortable with the thought.  The thought frightened me and I never would have thought my wife capable of cheating on me, but for a split second the thought entered my head as I thought of the other man comparing his penis to my tiny one.  Perhaps my wife spanked me not because she wanted to change my behavior but because I disappointed her as a man.  Certainly, the intensity of this spanking had my mind racing with all sorts of thoughts, not all of which I did dwell on, but this one was one of the stronger thoughts even if it did not last long.

I looked up at my wife.  I wanted to just come out and ask her.  My heart was pounding as the words formed in my head, but in the end, I just wimped out.  She had broken me and I had no fight left.

I began begging again, but slowly moved towards her lap.  "Please honey, don't spank me.  I learned my lesson.  The first spanking really hurt I don't need another one.", but I was right next to her now and I knew what was going to happen next.

She gently guided me across her lap, my top laying on the bed.  I felt her move her legs to 'lock'  me in place like she did earlier and then grab me tight across the waist like before.  I knew I would not be able to break free and the fact that she did this signaled to me that she expected the pain to be so unbearable that she wanted to make sure I did not jump up.

I laid there taking deep breaths waiting for the spanking to start.  I was shivering uncontrollably and clenching my butt cheeks.  I felt so weak, so vulnerable, so helpless.  I wanted this night to be over and for things to go back they way they were, but I also knew that if I was never spanked again, this would never go back to the way they were.  I would always remember this night of how my wife forced me over her knee and spanked me until I cried like a little boy.

CRACK! the hairbrush came down unexpectedly and I screamed out in pain at the sudden assault.  The pain was more intense then I had imagined.  That one crack seemed to re-energize the pain of the previous spanking.  "OH GOD NO, PLEASE NO MORE!", I shouted, but that was followed up with another crack across my  bottom.  The begging and pleading continued.

It took probably only 5 or 6 more crack before the crying started again.  After 10 the spanking stopped.  I cried for a few minutes but there were not as many tears.  My wife waited until I was relatively calm before letting me back up.  I stood up gently running my hands across my backside no longer worried about protecting my tiny penis.

My wife stood up and placed her hand on my shoulder.  "OK, your spankings are done, that part is over.  Now you still need to apologize to (fill in the blank)."

Now I will admit to the blog that I still do not feel that I owed anyone an apology, but at this point I would have confessed to armed robbery to make the spankings stop so I replied, "OK, I will give him a call tomorrow."

She looked at her watch and so, "No, we will call him right now.  Its not that late."

I really wanted the night to calm down, but I was in no mood to argue, so I nodded OK.

"Let's go downstairs and call him on the speaker phone in the den so I can listen in."

Again, I nodded OK and we turned to leave the room.  As we exited the room I turned towards the master bedroom to retrieve my pants but my wife stopped me.

"Where are you going?  The phone is downstairs."

"I am just getting my pants."

"No, you don't need pants.  You will stay as you are."

"Oh honey please, let me get my pants I feel so silly talking on the phone half naked."

"Too bad, besides, its a speaker phone, not a video phone, its not like he is going to see anything."

I realized I had no choice, so feeling ridiculous I began to walk downstairs half naked.  my wife following.

When we got to the phone my wife dialed and I stood next to the phone again instinctively cupping my penis in my hands.

"Hello", he answered when the phone stopped ringing.

"Hi (fill in the blanks) its (me)" I replied my voice a little unsteady and unsure of myself.

"Oh hi, (me) what can I do for you?"

"Well", I started again a little quiver in my speech, "I understand that you overheard some jokes I was telling today and I wanted to let you know that I meant no offense bu them."

"Oh," he replied almost sounding as unsteady as me, "well, OK, sure no problem, great party though had a good time otherwise."

"OK, glad you had a good time. Well," I paused looking at my wife who nodded OK, "I guess that's all I wanted to say."

"OK."

"Well goodnight then."

"OK, goodnight."

My wife pressed the end call button and I stood there looking down.

She started, "Now, do you see how easy that was?  What was the big deal in doing that face to face earlier today.  Was your self pride so big that you couldn't have done that today when I first asked you?  Did I really need to spank you as bad as I did to get you to say those simple words?  I swear sometime you are such a baby."

I felt so stupid standing there.  It was really no big deal.  Why did I take such a stand on a trivial issue?  What the hell is wrong with me?  There are fights worth fighting, why the hell did I pick this one?

"Here is what is going to happen now.  You will take a shower in the guest bath.  You will sleep in the guest room tonight.  You will not be allowed pants or underpants.  If you want a t-shirt that is your choice.  When you come home from work tomorrow, you are to return to the room and again remove your pants and underpants.  You may stay in the room or come downstairs, your choice, but you will remain naked from the waist down tomorrow after work until you go to bed in the guest room.  If you choose not to come down for diner tomorrow I will bring it to the room, but if you do come down to diner, you will remain pants-less.  The next day, when you return back from work, your grounding will be over and you may dress and move about the house as you please.  Any questions?"

Yes, I had a billion questions, but I replied, "No."

"OK then, off to the shower with you."   And off I went.   

Well, the shower gave me lots of time to think and over the next few days I will share some of those thoughts with you.  Thanks for your continued interest. 

Pride Comes Before the Fall

Sorry I have not posted for awhile, but I have been so upset.  I have been struggling to come to grips with the fact that I broke my clean streak and got spanked about a week and a half ago.  It had been pretty intense unlike any spanking I have received and it has been very difficult for me to even write the story and share what has been going on.  The first time I even opened the blog myself and reread the words of encouragement and support and how my October goal looked so close, I cried all over again knowing that I failed.  It took me a few days to calm down enough to write again and even now my eyes are watering at the thoughts of what happened.

It started when we had a cook out at our house and we had a few friends and neighbors over.  Some were friends of mine, some of hers.  Yes, Sarah was there, but this particular story does not involve her.  At one point during the day, I was sitting with a friend of mine and was telling some politically incorrect jokes.  You know the types of jokes I am referring to.  They could be making fun of an ethnicity like Polish, Irish, Jewish jokes, they could be making fun of a profession like doctors, lawyers or engineers, etc, physical traits like being blonde, fat or ugly, jokes about gender like being a man, woman or misc.  Jokes about religion or jokes about political affiliation, liberal or conservative.  Jokes that by there very nature are design, in someway to offend, but in a funny manner.

We probably all have some category of joke that we fit into and as I contemplated writing this I decided that I would not get specific as to the exact type of jokes I was telling because I don't think it should matter.  If I was to say what kind of joke I was telling then perhaps your opinion would be different if you were in the category of the joke I was telling.  I find it very disingenuous when someone laughs at all kinds of jokes, but then suddenly gets offended when a joke is told that makes fun of their background.  I will say this, I laugh at the jokes that are told about my ethnicity and cultural background if they are told in jest.  There is a difference between telling a joke and making an insult.

In my case, I was having some good natured  fun with one of my friends and telling jokes about HIS background and he was replying with jokes about mine and we were having a good laugh at each other's expense.  Sometime later I was in the house bringing in some dirty dishes and bring out more food when my wife came up to me.

"We you telling so jokes earlier that were offensive?" she asked.

"No, why do you ask?"  I replied, not considering the jokes I was telling as offensive per se.

" Well, (male guest of one of her friends), said you were telling (fill in the blank) jokes and you know he is (fill in the blank) and took offense at them."

"So what?  First off, I was telling those jokes to (friend of mine I was telling the jokes to) and he is also (fill in the blank) and he was not offended." I replied.

"Well, maybe but he was still offended you should go and apologize to him."

Well at this point I was a little pissed off.  First, someone overhears a conversation that he was not a party to then complains to my wife instead of saying something to me, then expects me to apologize because he does not have sense of humor?  To me apologizing implies that I have done something wrong.  I did not see myself as doing anything wrong and still don't.   If I tell a joke and someone gets offended that is not my fault.  People seem to be looking for an excuse to be offended these days.  Furthermore, all it would have taken was for him to be a man and to say to my face, sorry, but I don't find that funny.  I might not have apologized, but I certainly wouldn't have continued to tell jokes where he could hear them.  Instead he probably went crying to his girlfriend who went complaining to my wife.  So here I was arguing with her.

I don't recall the exact words I used to make my argument, but her position was that it did not matter if I intended to offend.  If someone found what I said offensive I should apologize.  What was the big deal to apologize?

Again, I repeated that I would apologize if I did something wrong.  I did nothing wrong.  I was joking with a friend of mine.  If he is offended by that then that is his problem not mine.

My wife then calmly said, "Are you going to apologize or do I need to deal with this when everyone leaves?"

At the time, I didn't make the connection.  It had been months since I was last spanked and the idea that she was threatening me with a spanking never occurred to me.  I must admit, if I knew she was going to spank me over this I might have apologized in protest to keep my record clean.  I never would have thought she would have spanked me over telling jokes.  She is usually a lot fairer than that.  I simply thought we would defer the discussion until after our guests left.  After all, we had to be good hosts and get back to our guests.

So I replied, "we can discuss this after everyone leaves."

"Are you sure that is what you want?  You want me to deal with you after everyone has gone?"

"Yes." I replied missing the subtle warning.

"Very well, but it is a real shame that you just simply did not apologize.", and she turned and walked back out.

The rest of the party went off without incident.

After we finished cleaning up she said to me, "OK, now let's settle this failure to apologize business."

"Fine." I replied feeling pretty sure of my argument.  She turned and walked up to our bedroom and I followed her, but by the time I got to our room she already had the hairbrush in her hands.

Without hesitation she looked at me and ordered, "Pull down your pants and underpants."

She was not mad, but calm and assertive.  Both the command and the sight of the hairbrush in her hands shocked me.  My heart began pounding in my chest and my stomach churned at the implication of the order I had been given.  A tingle shot across my bottom and I felt my tiny penis shrivel in fear at the sight of her with the hairbrush.  But after the initial shock I was insulted and offended.  I was not going to let her spank me for telling jokes.  I swallowed hard and with a dry mouth I slowly spoke up in my defense.

"This is not fair.  I am not going to let you spank me for telling jokes."

"You are not being spanked for telling jokes.  You are being spanked for not apologizing to one of our guests, now pull your pants and underpants down."

"No, I won't.  I am not going to be spanked for this."  I was a little defiant and scared.  I never really defied my wife before.  I was trembling and shaking, but also pretty cocksure of myself as I still felt that I was in the right.  "This is not like the other times, I did nothing wrong, I am not going to be spanked for this."

"I am sorry that you don't think you did anything wrong.  That more than anything is the reason you need to be spanked for this.  If you had taken my advice and simply apologized like you were told we would not be here.  You chose to be stubborn and childish about this so now you will be treated like the child you are.  Pull down your pants and underpants, this is the last time I will ask."

I was really trembling and shaking.  In some ways, I felt like I was going to pee my pants I was so scared, but I also felt she was wrong.  My heart was pounding in my ears and my eyes were getting slightly watery, but again I asserted myself.  "No, I am not going to be spanked for this."

With that she calmly placed the hairbrush on the dresser and slowly walked out of the room.  I thought, wow that was easy.  All it really took was to say no.  I thought about all the long, painful and humiliating spankings I had endured from her and all I really ever had to do was to stand up and say no.  I began thinking about the briefs I was wearing and concluded that all I had to do was buy boxers and simply tell her I was not wearing briefs anymore.  It began to look like my days of embarrassment and humiliation were over, but before I could even completely calm back down she came in again.  She was carrying a belt.  Actually she was carrying the belt she used on me New Year's Eve.  That dreaded belt.  My stomach immediately started churning and again I felt like I was going to wet my pants with fear.

Without warning she walked up to me grabbed my arm yanked me so I turned partially away from her and she immediately whacked me hard with the belt across my shorts covered backside.  I yelped at the suddenness of it and my eyes began to water up from the emotional roller-coaster I was on.  I was going to be spanked once again.  My clean streak was over.

After that one whack she released me and I instinctively reached back to rub the spot where she had hit me.  I cursed myself for showing that reaction, but it was a reflex and I could not help myself.  I looked at her shocked, but she was not mad.  She was calm and in control and in some ways that frightened me more than if she was mad and out of control.  If she was mad, then all I had to do was get her calm and she would be more rational.  But she was calm and rational.  This was not her lashing out in frustration or anger.  She was totally in control and making it clear that I had a spanking coming.

"Pull down those pants and underpants now." she said in a firm but calm voice.

I could not believe this was happening, tears began to well up in my eyes, I remained assertive, but hints of doubt and pleading started to enter my words, "No," I said again almost crying.  "I did not do anything wrong, you can't spank me."  The words were half sobs in a begging sort of tone, but I was not saying please and not begging for reprieve.  I was still making my case, still refusing to accept that I had committed a spankable offense.

"But you did do something wrong, you refused to correct your mistake and now you stand here defiant refusing to accept your punishment for that mistake."  Again she quickly grabbed my arm, yanked me sideways and brought the belt across my backside again and letting me go.  I felt a tear run down my cheek, but I fought back the desire to cry and tried to replace it with righteous indignation.

"I don't deserve to be spanked, you can't spank me!" I said still defiant, raising my voice to overcome the desire to cry. I then tried to stand up tall and proud hoping that she would realize that I was simply not wrong on this issue.  My heart was pounding deep in my chest as I stared at her.  I was waiting for her to grab my arm again and was prepared to pull away rather than let her get me turned around exposing my backside to her.   She took a step towards me and I flinched in response.  She shook her head back and forth in a 'no' motion clearly not happy with me.

"I am sorry that you do not see what you have done as wrong, but it is wrong and you will be spanked for this.  Now pull down your pants and underpants and bend over the bed."

My heart was really pounding now and I was trembling with fear as my mouth went dry and I had a shiver that kept shooting all across my body feeling my testicles retract in fear in preparation for a fight.  I was starting to have doubts.  I thought for sure my defiance would help make my case.  I was not going to pull my pants and underpants down.  This was the moment I was always afraid of.  What was she going to do?  It was a battle of wills and I was not going to pull my pants down.

Quietly, barely a whisper, choking back hard as a lump filled my throat, one again I replied, "No."

She moved quickly, I saw her moving and expecting her to grab my arm once again I turned away to avoid her reach.  Being slightly off balance she pushed me back onto the bed and I fell onto it.  She had one arm across my chest and with the other she began to unbutton and unzip my shorts.  I tried to stand back up but was shocked when I felt that I could not push up against her weight.  My shorts were already unzipped and I felt them being pushed down but they were stuck underneath my bottom.  As I continued to struggle pushing up against her, she caught me off guard when she eased up on me and quickly stood up.  My shorts immediately fell to the floor and before I completely processed the move, she once again had pushed me back down onto the bed.

I was frightened at her strength.  I knew she was in good shape, but I was always under the illusion that in a fair fight I would be able to overpower her.  Now it appeared that this was not the case.  Again I tried pushing up against her and again she caught me off guard by easing up and getting me standing again.  I can't even explain the next move it all happened so fast.  I was being spun around and became a little disoriented, felt myself falling again and the next thing I knew I was over her lap the top of my body laying on the bed and my legs over her lap.  I then felt her leg lock my legs tight.

I struggled to break free, but I was mortified to discover how strong she really was and how weak I really was.  Finally after all my resistance and denial I began to realize what I had always feared.  I was helpless to stop her from spanking me.  There I was, shorts at my ankles, my brief cover bottom placed perfectly across her lap.  I tried kicking my legs, but they were held tight in place by her leg.  I tried lifting my upper body, but the combination of her strong arm around my waist and my inability to gain any leverage from the position I was in made it difficult.  I struggled for a while, she said and did nothing until she felt me stop fighting her.  Exhausted from the struggle I finally stopped squirming.  As I calmed down from the fight and let the realization of my predicament sink in, the tears and begging started.

"Please don't spank me, I didn't do anything wrong." I said as tears began to finally flow down my cheeks.

Suddenly I felt the belt across my backside, I let out a scream and then immediately started crying in earnest.  It was a solid hit, sharper than the slaps I received when I was still being defiant.  I then felt her tugging my underpants down.  Part of me wanted to beg her to leave them up but I realized that they were coming down no matter what I pleaded and they offer so little protection anyway that there was just no point in begging.  Soon they had joined my shorts at my ankles.

And so it continued.  Sharp stinging whacks of the belt, my crying and begging for it to stop, my struggling uselessly against her grip trying to break free.  It was at the same time both a blur and a memory that will be burned into my mind for ever.  Emotionally it was the worst spanking I have ever received.  Physically, my bottom burned like it had never burned before.  My kicking and struggling to escape only served to remind me that I had been physically overpowered by my wife. The spanking finally ended like they always do and by the time my wife stood me back up I was broken, physically and emotionally.  I was shaking and trembling before her.  My face wet with tears gasping for breath sobbing like a child.   I was in no condition to have a discussion with.

My wife told me to step out of my shorts and underpants and for the first time that night I did as I was told.  She led me, naked from the waist down, into the guest room.  She told me to lay down on the bed and to stay there until she came back and not to get out of bed for any reason 'or else.'
I was still crying too hard to acknowledge her verbally  but I immediately laid down on the bed, on my stomach of course and cried until I could cry no more.

I had a lot to think about and soon my wife would return.  Writing this story has been emotionally draining for me I even cried writing it out, but I certainly need you comments, but please give me a few days to recover and emotionally prepare myself to read and respond to them.

I will also find the strength to continue this story as when my wife returned, it was clear that while the worst was over for the night, my punishment was not yet done.