Certainly this last spanking I received has been one of the physically worst spankings I have every received but also a very emotionally draining one as well. It has forced me to face a few thoughts all of which have left me very uncomfortable.
First off, while reading some of your comments has been very difficult, please don't feel guilty for telling me what you believe is the truth even if it is difficult for me to accept or agree with. many of you have been supportive and encouraging and some of you have been very candid and upfront in you assessment of my situation. I appreciate all of the comments, the ones that make me feel better as well as the ones that leave me squirming uncomfortably.
The first though that comes to me is that I have no real choice but to accept the fact that I will be spanked for as long as I am married to this woman. I do continue to believe that I can improve my behavior so that these spankings are few and far between and perhaps less severe, but I am only human and know that I will slip up and that there will be more spankings in my future. I can live with that so long as they continue to be fair and reasonable.
Second, there have been some thoughts and comments that have left me very uncomfortable and I was at first very reluctant to write about them. I have already written about how I terrified that one day I will be spanked in front of Sarah. Of all the things I am afraid of the thought that sooner of later I will be spanked in front of her terrifies me to no end. It seems a real possibility and I have laid awake some nights worrying about it. This last incident however has raised a new disturbing thought in my head. Some have teased me about how this man I offended should have been invited to watch my spanking. I also have been reliving the time I had on the phone with him, hearing his voice on the phone while I was naked from the waist down cupping my tiny penis in my hand. I imagine him staring at me and laughing at the site of a recently spanked half naked man having to stand there and apologize to him. I have found the thoughts very disturbing.
Up until this point I never even considered the fact that my would spank me in front of someone else and if she did that person would be Sarah. Now I have something new to worry about. Given the numerous warnings I have gotten about being spanked in front of Sarah, to me it is clear that sooner or later it is going to happen. Many on here try to reassure me that it will not be the end of the world. I am not convinced and it remains my number 1 fear. While thinking about it terrifies me, when I think about being spanked in front of Sarah vs. being spanked in front of someone else, I find the thought of being spanked in front of another man to be a 100 times worse than being spanked in front of Sarah. I can not imagine even imagine it and hope that idea only exists in the minds of some of my blog readers. Luckily I have seen no hints that my wife would consider spanking my in front of another man. While she has threatened it, I still think she is reluctant to spank me in front of Sarah.
Finally, I am a very shy person. Hence all these thoughts about being spanked in front of others really bothers me. I unfortunately must face another reality that is more imminent. While my wife and I have discussed this before, we have not discussed this since my last spanking. I would presume that for my upcoming physical exam in October, my wife will expect me to wear my briefs instead of my boxers. I know you all think I am being ridiculous, but for me this is really a big deal. She previously threatened to make sure I had on my briefs and to even drive me to my physical. I don't know why this is so important to her. It is very important to me. I am not wearing briefs to my next physical. Period. If she is serious about making sure I am wearing briefs and drives me, then so be it. I will sneak a pair of boxers in my pocket and when I am left alone to "undress" I will simply put the boxers on. She will never know. So I will take consolation that this will be one battle she will not win.
On that note, I will conclude by saying that there actually is one more thing. I will reserve it for the next post. I normally do not write about the sexual relations between my wife and I, but since this last spanking my wife and I have not been having a normal sex life. I usually have to go about a week of so after a spanking before we get intimate again, but this time it has been almost a month since we have done it. After this spanking, my wife went 3 weeks before initiating anything, but I found that as we were beginning to get into it, memories of the spanking, the humiliation, the being treated like a child all prevented me from becoming aroused. It led to some very interesting conversation, but I will save that for the next post. Hopefully by then I can report that I have since overcome those challenges and everything is back to normal.
You have to get out of this marriage! This is completely non-consensual, devastates you, leaves you feeling completely insecure and unloved, and you have your whole life ahead of you. Thankfully, it doesn't sound like you have children. You need some support so that you have the strength to leave this woman, who is obviously trying to go deeper into a lifestyle you never chose nor do you want. I hope you will be able to find that support, maybe professional therapy.
ReplyDeleteThe comments many people have made here have made me sick... the people who have said that you deserve this and should get used to it. They are already really into the lifestyle, so of course they're going to act like it's normal. Ignore them!!!
Your wife seems like a real piece of work, and you need to start facing reality. You can't keep hoping she'll change, because she won't.
It is so hard to get the courage to divorce and begin a new life. None of us have crystal balls, and we have to take those risks to make our lives better. However, can you imagine a lifetime with this woman? You have to somehow muster up the courage... even if it takes a year or so to make a plan. Otherwise, you are basically signing up for a lifetime of being emasculated and being abused!
I would be careful advising someone to get a divorce. If you read this blog from the start, she has been discipling him from the beginning and he stayed with her. He knew exactly what he was getting into from the very beginning and knows he needs it on some level.
DeleteThat said, I do think there is clearly a communication problem and a maturity issue on the authors part (sorry to talk about you like your not here rt).
After reading this last post I am now convinced that a marriage counselor would really help, or at least some one on one with a good counselor for rt. Also, there are 2 sides to every story and we only have 1 side of it. How many times have you heard the other side and changed your opinion?
I do understand why you might feel the way you do, but you telling him to get a divorce made me bristle given your only information is limited to what is written here.
KL
Thanks KL and the anonymous poster above.
DeleteI can assure both of you that I would not divorce my wife because someone on the internet told me to any more that I would stay with her if I decided to leave just because people on the internet told me to shut up and take it.
While the comments help me think and I do appreciate the different opinions, they are just that, opinions and I accept the responsibility to make the final decisions.
GROW UP !
ReplyDeleteThanks for the recommendation.
DeleteHow do you propose I do that? What is it that makes you feel I should grown up? Not being nasty, just genuinely confused as to what you think I should do.
rt....
ReplyDeleteHumiliation is part of any kind of disciplined relationship. It is humiliating just to have your wife spank you, let alone other types of humiliation. I sure don't see what the big deal about wearing briefs to a doctor visit. Many men wear briefs.
Of the 15 years my wife has been spanking me, the last 10 I have been required by her to be completely shaven from the waist down. At least once per week I have to take the stubble off.
Last year I had to go to a dermatologist for a rash on my arm. Never thought about them wanting to look anywhere else. I was checked all over my body except inside my briefs by a female intern. The doctor checked i9nside my briefs. The intern made a small remark about me being shaved and instead of saying my wife likes it this way, I automatically said I was submissive to my wife. She said I see. The doc didnt mention anything about it. When the intern came back in she asked if my wife spanked me too. I said sometimes. She said good and that was all that was said. That was a most humiliating experience.......far more than wearing briefs. The last time i was there the intern really looked hard at the backs of my legs and bottom of hips. I know she was looking for signs of spanking but she never said anything. Now I go every 3 months and even though nothing is said, I still feel the embarrassment of knowing that they all know in the docs office by now.
Jon
Hi Jon,
DeleteSorry, but to me this is a big deal. Just because you can go to the doctor and deal with this does not mean I can or will.
You definitely need to come to terms with your wife or divorce. If you are going to stay in this relationship, then you will have to submit to your wife's authority, including punishments. If you were to embrace this FLR, then you might find your sexual libido increased as well as your wife's. You should wear the underwear your wife likes - why you are making such a big deal out of this is hard to understand.
ReplyDeleteGloria
Hi Gloria,
DeleteI have come to terms with the fact that I either need to leave or accept her terms. As for me making such a big deal out of this? Well for me it is a big deal. I am sorry you don't understand why, but I feel the way I feel. It is not a rational thing but an emotional thing.
Hi rt,
ReplyDeleteGood response to a well intended message from Gloria. We own how we feel, even when others cannot understand our feelings.
Doug
Hi RT:
ReplyDeleteI occasionally read your blog but have never commented until now. I just read the very most recent threads on your situation and feel that a contribution is in order. Firstly you are in an abusive situation. It has nothing to do with your manhood. In this world there are many various women and men that are stronger then each other. The fact that a particular man cannot physically overcome a particular woman says nothing about the man in general. Don’t let it interfere with your ego. It is simply the luck of the draw for the couple in general. Secondly men’s penis size seems to come in many sizes and ways-those that stay the same length but expand when turned on and those that are small when relaxed but grow when excited. Average size seems to be an elusive term-who really compiled accurate the sample measurements. My guess is that there is a lot of exaggeration in the reporting and the “reported average” probably is larger than the real number. If the sex is good for both of you then who cares. Your wife may be teasing you on size from time to time but this is probably part of a mind game since she knows that it bothers you. I think you have convinced yourself that you are inferior. If size prevented anything then long ago some minimum sizes would have been selectively eliminated from the population.
As for your spanking situation, if you are not consenting to the spankings then this is an abusive situation. It is called assault and battery. It is not ok. Up to a few years ago, it was the men who were abusing the women but there are more and more cases of the reverse situation. Again it has nothing to do with your ego. Sometimes people simply find themselves in these situations out of no fault of their own. My advice to you is to talk with your wife and explain to her how you feel about the spankings. Think it through before you approach her. If you don’t consent to any spankings then you need to tell her that they will stop as the next time you will call the police. Then you need to follow through. However if you accept that she can do this under specific conditions then it will be consensual under those conditions and both of you must discuss and write out a contract as to how and when this can be carried out.
As for the specific events that prevented you from an apology, if you and your wife were hosting an event at your house then aren’t you responsible for taking care of all of your guests? As a host how could you expect to have a private conversation that others are not supposed to hear? If one of your guests is made to feel uncomfortable aren’t you supposed to fix the problem? It was your role. I would have wanted to make all of my guests feel comfortable. Your queue to fix it should have been when someone or anyone reported to you that one of your guests had an issue.
I've read what others have said here and my view is that far from you being abused, it's seems like you have accepted the punishments from your wife. You may not like them, but you've done nothing to avoid them therefore we can only assume you accept them.
ReplyDeleteAnd how is your wife behaving in an abusive manner when she knows that your complain about the punishments but still accept them?
You've also said in the past that you love your wife and it is only the spankings that you find difficult to accept. You don't sound like a terribly abused husband - just one who occasionally (and it is occasionally) spanked by the dominant partner in the relationship.
You could have a wife who continually moans about your behaviour - and sulks. At least she deals with any major issues there and then!
You also know deep down that you will end up being spanked in front of Sarah - and again, while you hate the idea, it's seems like you are resigned to it happening at some point.
From all the things you've said here, I'm not sure there's much chance of you being spanked in from of another man. It's not something your wife has ever suggested is it? So why would it happen?
As for the briefs v boxers issue. You say you are adamant that you are going to wear your boxers to the medical. That's fine, but surely, after the fuss you've made about this, you also must be aware that your wife will inspect your underpants at some point. And when she finds you have gone against her instructions you know full well you will be punished.
For someone who hates being spanked I'd say that it would be a foolish thing to deliberately go against her wishes.
After all, you were punished for refusing to apologise to your guest. Do you really think that blatantly going against her instructions is not going to earn you a pretty severe dose of correction?
From the last 3 threads, RT clearly refused the spanking and fought but was over powered by his wife who then spanked him severely with the belt. This is NOT acceptance and is therefore considered to be a form of assault and battery. When a woman refuse a man's sexual advances and it happens anyway it is considered rape. Clearly being over powered and beaten is NOT acceptance. It is illegal.
DeleteExcept he really wasn't overpowered if you read carefully his account. He let her do it rather than resist and possibly harm her in doing so. That's a distinction with a difference. I don't think this is an entirely healthy situation , one especially lacking clear communication. But he is an adult and he is accepting the spankings and it isn't abuse as that term is widely understood. His response to being spanked is probably stronger than most men receiving disciplinary spankings. But it's not that different in that most men actually facing an imminent spanking can get pretty emotional about it even though in a consensual relationship.
DeleteEveryone:
ReplyDeleteIf you all read the account of the struggle, it is quite clear that this was not consensual. This was an assault.
"I was frightened at her strength. I knew she was in good shape, but I was always under the illusion that in a fair fight I would be able to overpower her. Now it appeared that this was not the case. Again I tried pushing up against her and again she caught me off guard by easing up and getting me standing again. I can't even explain the next move it all happened so fast. I was being spun around and became a little disoriented, felt myself falling again and the next thing I knew I was over her lap the top of my body laying on the bed and my legs over her lap. I then felt her leg lock my legs tight.
I struggled to break free, but I was mortified to discover how strong she really was and how weak I really was. Finally after all my resistance and denial I began to realize what I had always feared. I was helpless to stop her from spanking me. There I was, shorts at my ankles, my brief cover bottom placed perfectly across her lap. I tried kicking my legs, but they were held tight in place by her leg. I tried lifting my upper body, but the combination of her strong arm around my waist and my inability to gain any leverage from the position I was in made it difficult. I struggled for a while, she said and did nothing until she felt me stop fighting her. Exhausted from the struggle I finally stopped squirming. As I calmed down from the fight and let the realization of my predicament sink in, the tears and begging started.
"Please don't spank me
If the police and a DA read this account, his wife would be charged for multiple offenses.
I don't think you understand adult spanking or much about our blog author either. I also doubt if you are spanked by your wife or you would have more insight into the psychodynamics of a consensual spanking relationship. He definitely doesn't want spanked when one is announced but that is true for most spanked husbands ( and probably spanked wives) . But if he wasn't consenting he would stop it as he surely could. This is no battered wife situation. He is an adult male who is having trouble accepting his wife's discipline and apparently believes he is somehow diminished as a man because his wife takes his pants down. But he also knows he needs it and she is doing it because she loves him. This is a struggle for him as it was for most of us subject to our wives discipline. But he will get through it and I believe he is almost there and when he does he will be a better and happier man
ReplyDeleteAnonymous:
ReplyDeleteYou are rationalizing his situation away. " But if he wasn't consenting he would stop it as he surely could.". How could he break away in the situation as he described?
"I struggled to break free, but I was mortified to discover how strong she really was and how weak I really was. Finally after all my resistance and denial I began to realize what I had always feared. I was helpless to stop her from spanking me. I tried kicking my legs, but they were held tight in place by her leg. I tried lifting my upper body, but the combination of her strong arm around my waist and my inability to gain any leverage from the position I was in made it difficult. I struggled for a while, she said and did nothing until she felt me stop fighting her. Exhausted from the struggle I finally stopped squirming. As I calmed down from the fight and let the realization of my predicament sink in, the tears and begging started. Please don't spank me."
What needs to happen is that if he truly accepts her ability to spank him, he needs to define what the conditions are and what is NOT acceptable. Did he have a safe word? Maybe that is the key. They need to have an acceptable path for controlling events and defining consent. When it goes from being "play" to a real life incapacity then it becomes a criminal offense. I can assure you that here under the statements published she could and would be charged.
The charging decision here that you predict would be a bad charging decision, not that such would be unique in law enforcement today. This is a situation involving competent consensual ( albeit communication challenged) adults and law enforcement belongs no where near it. We are too quick today to look to laws to solve problems better left to common sense. Nor is a safe word the answer. They are not playing an erotic game. This is real discipline administered by a wife who choses that over being a nag or ending the relationship. I acknowledge he has some serious self esteem problems manifested in his concern about his penis and being manly. He would benefit from some therapy, ideally couples therapy, in which she participates. But despite his melodramatic description of his last spanking he has consented and I believe they are close to working it out for themselves.
ReplyDeleteIn most flr I read about, one of the agreed upon items is that when the punishment is given, that takes care of the event that caused it. Thus, instead of your wife sulking or turning away from you or from sex, the punishment permits the offending act to be handled, forgiveness given, and a return to normalcy happens. You indicate that after your latest spanking, you have been denied any sex with your wife for a significant period. So the spanking did not satisfy your wife as an answer to the problem she felt.
ReplyDeleteOn another matter, almost each spanking you describe has come from some clearly identified offense. The thing I can't understand is the rationale for her demand that you wear briefs rather than boxers. There is no offense for which this is a punishment.
Given this control of your underwear (against your clearly stated preference) and the withholding of sex after punishment seems to indicate that she clearly wants control which may very well grow as she continues to have success currently. It surely feels that it will get worse.
Your sleepless nights and your absolute fear of what she may do next raises serious questions about the future of your marriage.