He Said, She Said.

First off, I would like to thank everyone who has commented, and I have tried to reply to most of them, with the exception of the last few exchanges where I was not sure I had anything to add to the conversation yet.  As I read all the comments I realized that I may have given the impression that my wife and I never talk.  That is not really true.  Yes, I find some subjects more difficult talking about than others, but over the years of our marriage my wife and I have discussed a lot of things.

A lot of the people who have commented on my blog have speculated about what my wife would have to say about our marriage?  Well unless she has a blog of her own out there, we really can't say with 100% certainty how she would answer some of the questions that I know many of you would like her to answer.

Well, the more I thought about this, the more I realized that after years of hearing her side of the story and hearing her lectures and explanations, I could probably conduct a theoretical interview with her and I bet you her answers would match mine to about 95% accuracy.  Many of the answers below are things she has told me over the years, explanations she has offered and conversations we have had.  I just never had a chance to work everything we have discussed into one of my stories.

So in the interest of offering both sides of the story, I offer you the following theoretical interview.  Note again, that while I am extremely confident these would be her answers, they are really my understanding of how she would answer the questions based on what she has said to me in the past. So while this is not an actual interview, many of the responses here are the actual answers she has given to me in the past to similar questions.

 Also note that since I am answering these questions based on how I think she would answer, I do not agree with all the answers here.

I hope that by doing this exercise I can provide a more complete picture of what is happening in our lives.

Do you love your husband?

Yes of course I do.

Then why do you spank him?

Because sometimes he acts like a jerk.  He hates being spanked, but it helps him to be a better person.

Why spanking?

Because it works.  It invokes the proper feelings both positive and negative.  It triggers emotions from his childhood when he was more receptive to changing his behavior.  It suppresses his macho attitude that leads him to trouble and humbles him to be more receptive to advice.  He regresses a little but that regression gives him the chance to learn again and be less set in his ways.

Where did you get the idea to spank him?

We shared stories from our childhood and how our parents raised us.  I can tell by the way he described his spankings from his mother that they worked for him and made him a better person.  I tried other methods with some success, but this really seems to work.

What gives you the right to spank him?

As his wife, it is my responsibility to make him the best person he can be.  If the spankings help him correct unwanted behavior, it is my duty to spank him.

How about your behavior?  Why can't he spank you?

First of all, I don't need to be spanked and second of all, it would not work on me the way it works on him.

If you "needed to be spanked" do you agree that your husband would have the right to do it?

If I needed to be spanked, which I don't, and if a spanking was the most effective way to get me to behave the way I should behave.  If all those conditions were met, then yes, my husband would have the right to spank me.

What do you mean you don't need to be spanked?

When my husband offers me advice on how I can improve myself and be a better wife and a better person I accept that advice.   Sometimes, I offer him advice and he accepts it, but all too often, he gets stubborn and refuses to see the mistakes he has made.  That is when he gets spanked.

So are you saying you are better than your husband?

Not really, I make lots of mistakes and so does he.  We are human.  But I am constantly trying to improve myself knowing I will never be perfect.  All to often my husband will fail to acknowledge his mistakes.  I use spankings to help motivate him when he is not self motivated.   This does not make me better, I just am helping overcome his weakness.  He helps me overcome my weaknesses, but that does not involve the need for me to be spanked.

Have you ever spanked him in anger?

Well, once (see the New Year's Eve  Story)  He deserved to be spanked and I have no regrets in spanking him.  I just wish I had sent him to the guest room and waited until I was no longer angry before I spanked him.  Otherwise I am not angry when I spank him.

There are many people out there who get "turned on" by this.  Are you "turned on" by spanking your husband?

No, in fact, for a few days after spanking him I usually have little interest in sex.  He thinks it is part of his punishment, but for me I just need a few days to put the spanking out of my mind.

Do you think this helps or hurts your marriage?

I think having a husband who is a jerk would do more damage to our marriage than me spanking him does.

So do you admit it harms the marriage?

It definitely creates tension and stress, but what marriage doesn't have that?  If spanking him avoids bigger issues from developing, the good coming from it outweighs any negatives.

Do you consider what you are doing as abuse?

If I was doing what I was doing for my satisfaction than yes, it would be abuse.  I am doing what I am doing to help him improve.  I know he does not agree that this is the best way to address his short comings, but it works and he will just have to accept it.

Does it matter that he does not consent to be spanked?

No one ever consents to being punished.  This is indeed punishment.  It is firm, painful and humbling but I do not beat him for my pleasure.  I expect him to suffer the consequences of his actions for the sake of our marriage.

What would you do if your husband reported you to the police?

I do not think he would do that.  I think he would leave me before he would do that, but if he did, I would have no choice but to explain myself in a court of law and accept the judgement of a jury of my peers.

Are you afraid your husband will leave you?

I try to be fair and reasonable, so I do not think he would leave me, but if it came to that, I would accept that as a sign that he is simply no longer willing to work to improve his behavior and therefore, just as well.

Your husband feels his penis is too small.  How do you feel about it?

Well, we have had this conversation and I have been upfront and honest with him about it.  His penis is below average, but it has been hard for me to convince him that sex is in the mind and not his groin.  I enjoy sex with him because I love him.  He can bring we to climax and he can physically satisfy me.  I know he thinks I am just being nice when I say I am more concerned about the size of his heart than the size of his penis.  Maybe I should have lied when I admitted it looked small to me.  I knew what size it was before I married him.  I know it is cliche to say size does not matter, but the truth is, for me, I care more about the man it is attached to then its size.  I am sure there are things about me that fail to meet the specs of his dream woman, but hey, who here is a perfect physical specimen.    I know it bothers him, I know he feels self conscious about it, but it doesn't bother me.

Why do you make your husband wear briefs?

Because they are cheaper and easier to bleach.  For me underwear is a functional item.  I wear plain white panties myself, so there is no double standard here.  It should not be a fashion statement.  I don't know who he plans on showing his underwear to that he is worried about who sees them.

What about the doctor?

Well, at first I thought he was being silly, but I did admit that was probably the one place where someone would see his underpants, so I did agree to allow him to wear his boxers to the doctor's office.  I was hoping that would motivate him to change his behavior once and for all, but unfortunately, I still had to spank him just recently.

So are you going to make him wear briefs to his next appointment?

Well, we will just have to see what happens.

What about Sarah?  Would you really spank your husband in front of Sarah?

There have been several times in the past when he has been a real jerk when she was over visiting.  I am embarrassed for him and tired of defending him from Sarah's complaints.  He is my husband and I see his good sides, but when he acts like such a jerk with Sarah she sees only the jerk.  I have been very strict with him regarding his behavior towards her and it seems to be helping.  I want that to continue so he needs to know that I am not bluffing.  If he acts like I jerk to her again I will spank him in front of Sarah.

Do you want to spank him in front of Sarah? 

Absolutely not, but I will do what I have to do.  I know he is terrified of being spanked in front of her and I sincerely hope that is enough to keep him from going back to his old ways.

Does Sarah know you spank your husband?

No.

How do you think she will react?

I have know Sarah longer than I have known my husband.  Our friendship goes all the way back to junior high.  I honestly do not know how she will react.  I am sure she will be shocked, but I know she will support me and we will have a long talk afterwards.  I know she will be discreet and sensitive with this knowledge if I ever comes to that.

What if he refuses to be spanked in front of her?

If I make the decision he is to be spanked in front of her, it will happen.

How can you be so sure?

Because, and I have discussed this with him already.  He knows what behavior will cause me to make this decision.  If he does not want to be spanked in front of Sarah, then he simply has to act civilized when she is here.  We are not talking about me looking for the slightest slip up before I pounce.  He knows the behavior I am talking about.  It is consistent and ongoing.  He ignores warnings and requests to change.  I have seen it before and he has been spanked for it after she left.  He knows exactly what I am talking about.  If he acts that way again I will spank him then and there with Sarah watching.  He will have no one to blame but himself.

Because of this,  deep down he will know he is wrong.  He may plea and beg, but in his heart of hearts he will know he was wrong.  He does not want to be a jerk and the guilt will ultimately lead him to submit.

But what if he surprises you and really refuses?  What if he runs out of the house?  What if he locks himself in the bathroom?

We have never discussed this, but I think he knows the answer.  I made it clear before we even got married.  We either address his behavior with methods that get results or we need to worry about the long term viability of our marriage.

What if Sarah refuses to stay and watch?  What if she excuses herself and leaves?

That is her choice.  He will be spanked then and there.  If she chooses to leave, than so be it.

Last question.  Do you ever see the spankings stopping?

Yes, they will stop when his behavior improves permanently or when they no longer seem to work.  I can certainly make the spankings more severe, to a point, but there is a limit to how severe a spanking I will give.    If they ever stop working and his behavior becomes unbearable, then that might be worse for our marriage than the spankings.  Personally, I hope his behavior improves before the spankings become ineffective.