I say happy new year because it is tradition, but so far the new year is not happy.
Last week I got the worst spanking of my marriage. It really left me thinking a lot and while this forum is hardly a good therapist I wanted to get some feedback.
This was December 27 I was at work and our boss was going to give us all off until January 2nd to celebrate New years in exchange for working late Friday to make sure all the orders got out before the close of the fiscal year. I called my wife to tell her I was working late. She was disappointed as we had plans for the evening, but understood that work comes first. I didn't know how long we would be so I couldn't tell her when to expect me. Well it only took us an hour to get all the work done and we were all so happy it didn't take that long so the rest of the team decided to stop by for a drink before heading home. Now I don't "drink" but thought I should stop for a Coke to celebrate our successful year. So three hours later I head home and as soon as I walk in the door my wife jumps off the couch and starts yelling at me.
"Where have you been?"
"Working"
"I called the office two hours ago to ask you if you wanted me to save your dinner of if you were going to eat at the office. Your boss answered and said he just sent the team home and apologized to me for keeping you late. I assumed you were on your way home and made dinner for us. When you didn't come home in 20 minutes I started to get worried. When you were not here an hour later I really started freaking out. Why didn't you answer your cell phone, I thought you got killed in some accident you jerk."
I noticed that all though she was mad, she had watery eyes. I realized what a jerk I had been and explained that I stopped by for a Coke with the team and I just considered it part of the "job" as bonding with co-workers is important. My cell phone battery had died so I couldn't call her. She agreed in theory, but then told me I should have called and told her even if I had to borrow a phone. I realized of course she was right, but she then ordered me up to the guest room and that is when I realized I was in for a spanking. I felt so bad, that I didn't argue with her, but I new she was really upset as I was being sent to the guest room and not our bedroom where the spanking usually take place. I was afraid I was going to be sleeping alone tonight.
When she came into the room she had a thick leather belt I had never seen before. She ordered me to take my pants off which I did, but that was a change from my usual spankings where I just have to take my pants down to my knees. I stood before her in my white briefs and t-shirt feeling like a little boy as I stared at the belt folded over in her hand. I can tell you my penis was shriveled up to less than an inch and there was nothing sexual about this for me and looking at her still watery eyes I don't think there was for her.
She ordered me to lay down on the bed, again a change as she usually has me lay over her knee. I laid down on the bed and she ordered me to put my head down. She then pulled my briefs all the way down and off and pulled my t-shirt up to my shoulder blades. All changes from a normal spanking. She then explained to me as best as I can remember it, "This has been the most irresponsible thing you have ever done since we were married. I am going to tan your backside good. I want you to think about how scarred I was while you were out there enjoying your Coke.
And then it started, right from the first stroke it stung worse than I would have imagined. I yelled and turned over in reflex, but quickly laid back down knowing how upset she was. Again the belt came down quickly before I could even calm down. This time I bucked my rear up but quickly laid back down. And that is how the spanking went. She hit, I tried my best to stay still but I couldn't help it every stoke caused a reflex that I either turned, put my hand back, put my legs up or some other reaction, but I tried to end the spanking as quickly as I could by getting back into position as fast as I could, but it just seemed to continue. I thought it would never end and after one particularly solid shot, it happened, I jumped up faced my wife and begged her to please stop as the moisture that was building in my eyes began to flow down my cheeks. If this was a sexual thing and I had a safe word I would have used it at this point. I looked at her pleading for her to stop and when she looked back at me, her voice creaking and a little teary herself she just calmly replied, sorry, we are not done yet, lay back down.
The words scared me, I had no idea how long she planned on spanking me I was truly shaking with fear again I begged as I started crying real tears at this point, she was making me really cry. I don't know why I was crying. Certainly the pain, but something was wrong with me. I didn't want the spanking to continue. I was a grown man and I could have got up and walked out the door, but instead I was pleading with her to stop and when she wouldn't I felt I had not choice but to lay back down and take it some more. I felt so ashamed at myself for not being a man. As the belt came back down, the ritual continued with me bucking and squirming under the belt, the only difference is I was now bawling like a child. Crying I was actually crying and I felt so ashamed of myself but something inside me felt compelled to continue to lay there as best I could. I laid there loudly crying into the pillow before I realized that the spanking had finally stopped. I cried for a few minutes and then it subsided into sobbing. I wasn't sure if she was even still behind me and finally turned around to look. She was sitting on a chair and she had tears running down her cheeks When she saw me looking at her she quickly looked away and wiped them away. She stood up and faced the door and said to me in a creaky voice, "This better be the last time I need to spank you for any reason. I want you to sleep in the guest room. We will get past this, but for now I want to be alone. I will see you in the morning."
So I slept in the guest room that night, on my stomach with no pants on. In the morning I woke and quickly looked at the damage she caused. It was red, very red, there was a few bruises but my bottom was not as badly damaged as I had imagined it, with blood pouring out of it and skin blistered. In fact it made me a little embarrassed that I cried so much I think my ego needed to see skin hanging off to justify my crying. I realized in the morning the crying was as much a part of how I damaged the relation with my wife than about the actual pain in my backside.
Anyway, things are slowly getting back to normal, but she is still upset over this whole thing. She sent me to bed early on New Year's eve even though we had company over. She made an excuse that I was not feeling well (some truth to that) Our guests offered to leave but we insisted they stay and not let me ruin their party. My wife started walking upstairs with me and just when I though she was putting me in the guest room (which I had spent the last few night in) she led me to our bedroom. She asked me to take my pants off and lay down on my stomach. I panicked thinking she was going to spank me again with the guests in the house and I immediately started tearing up and begging her not to. She just told me to do it so I did. I laid down and she pulled my briefs down and off again and I started crying thinking about the spanking to come with our friends down stairs. I flinched when I felt her hand gently rubbing across my backside. It was then I realized that this was probably the first time she had seen the damage she had done. As I realized I was not in for another spanking my cries quickly subsided and I wiped the tears from my eyes. She stood up and then said, tomorrow is a new year. We will discuss this no more, but I want you to remember this spanking the next time your thinking of doing something so selfish and stupid. She kissed me the cheek wished me happy new year and went downstairs. I laid on my stomach still pants-less, not sure if I was allowed to put my PJs on. I couldn't sleep so I laid there almost all night finally falling asleep after midnight. I woke early and my wife is still sleeping. I am taking this time to write this story figuring it will be a while before she wakes up.
Anyway, thanks to anyone who took the time to read this. I certainly have a lot of thinking to do and while I realize that I will be getting comments from people who get off on this kind of stuff, that's fine with me. If you want to jerk off to this story that doesn't bother me, but I can tell you, I have some soul searching to do. I am not sure I want my wife to have this kind of power over me. When I think about how I cried last night on just the thought that she was going to spank me I realized I was no longer a man. Yes it is a new year but I am not sure what it will bring. I don't know if I can take another spanking like I did last week.
I've been reading your blog from the start.
ReplyDeleteI'm okay with consensual spanking relationships where the needs of both parties are being met, but your blog doesn't read that way. I get the impression the imbalance of power is harming your relationship with yourself, and by extension, with your wife. I don't get the impression that it's making you happier. I agree that you have some thinking to do.
I am happy, I just don't like the spankings.
DeleteI do agree with your wife that you are irresponsible and inconsiderate. I do not agree with beating you as she did. You both have problems and should individually seek professional help as I believe your relationship is dysfunctional.
ReplyDeleteI think this spanking was more severe than she intended, but ironically enough, it was also one I felt I deserved.
DeleteI agree with both responders! This SHOULD be truly a consensual relationship!! I can tell that you might be emotionally harmed by this type of relationship!!
ReplyDeleteALSO it appears that your wife is "handling" you at a time when she seems emotionally charged and imbalanced!! She should have "settled down", cooled off, had a conversation with you before the belt started flying!!
I don't know! I think that the two of you need to step back from this kind of relationship UNTIL you have had a REAL heart-to-heart talk!!
Bob
I think you are right about her "spanking in anger" I think she realized it too, but even so, physically the spanking wasn't that severe.
DeleteFirstly, you say you felt so bad you didn't argue with your wife and went straight to the guest bedroom, knowing you were to be punished. If you were so against the idea why didn't you stand your ground?
ReplyDeleteI agree with the others who have commented that it's never a good idea for the dominant party to administer a punishment when angry, but you were certainly in the wrong and could easily have made more of an effort to call home. Knowing your wife's attitude to discipline, you must have known what the consequences might be of your actions.
I agree too with senorrose4 that the pair of you do need a serious and very honest discussion regarding the disciplinary methods in your house. Perhaps if your wife was able to explain why she felt the need to be as strict as she is - you might be more accepting of her methods.
Likewise, if you explained why you find it so difficult to accept her ways, maybe she could meet you halfway, still using the disciplinary methods she feels suitable but perhaps with less severity than she currently employs.
I fear if either of you continue to follow your own paths, then that will only lead to bad feeling, where if you can agree to some kind of halfway house, then both of you will be much happier. It might only need a frank exchange of views ot clear up the issues.
Again, yes, I think she felt bad about spanking in anger. Yes I knew I was going to get spanked, but I did feel bad for what I did and was in no mood to "stand my ground"
DeleteI have also been reading this blog from the begininning.
ReplyDeleteYou have some cliched notions about being a man that I don't think are doing you much good. Your usage of the word seems to focus on your lack of autonomy and your emotional vulnerability. Most people compromise their autonomy for the sake of being in a relationship and they do it precisely for the sake of having a place where they can relax and express their emotions. You may well be right that things have gone too far and changes need to be made, but you can do it without engaging in this sort of all-or-none, black-or-white thinking. Framing a situations in those terms tends to simplify them to you being the hero/victim and the other(s), villain(s).
A former boss of mine, who is a pretty hard driving, competitive, physical guy once defined a man as someone who shows up for unpleasant confrontations and holds himself accountable. In my own opinion, the better word for that is 'adult'.
Think things through and show up.
Your wife saying "We will discuss this no more" bothers me as much as anything else in your blog because what you need is a voice to define some enduring boundaries and that means she needs to listen.
I, like the probable majority of your blog's respondents, see a place for coercion in relationships. Remember that we are a highly biased sample, and that the majority believe a healthy marriage is thoroughly egalitarian.
That being said, give a thought to how much or little absolutely must change; after all your alternative is leaving. Your wife obviously has a strong personality, she seems to be focused on you and the relationship, and also has a strong desire to hold others responsible, or put another way, to discipline and punish. I don't necessarily mean that in a sexual way, more along the lines of some people being more strongly motivated by revenge than others. Somehow your relationship will have to accommodate that.
Because of my own psychology I can see benefits in the two of you continuing with her in authority, but I could never relax, or even continue along grudgingly, in yours. Not knowing where she draws the line of "too far", or her apparent unwillingness to hear input on where that line has to be (e.g. no 3rd party witnesses), are just unacceptable, as is the fact that it doesn't seem to be bringing the two of you closer. A lot of the online material on F/M relationships emphasizes denying the male partner any agency or happiness. Female submissives have written much more intelligent, nuanced material on the subject - The Disciplined Feminist blog is one example.
Also, not calling home is not ideal, but I think even the comments here exaggerate the magnitude, let alone your wife. With cell phones there's little need to memorize phone numbers so once the cell phone is dead, there is no making a call.
I hope the both of you have an outstanding 2014.
Thanks for your thoughtful response. I think what she meant by "we will discuss this no more" was her way of telling me that I was forgiven.
DeleteIt just really shows that this woman was clearly worried sick about you. Perhaps a phone call would of been proper ... She was very worried and upset. Im sure my Maria would of done the same thing, perhaps not as severe but none the less a good spanking would of been order ... Just one thing .... One thing me an my Maria do ... We never go to bed angry at each other ... Your strapping should of wiped your slate clean ... Communication is key ... Usually before and after all my spankings we sit and talk why Im about to be pumished ... After I'm spanked Im put in the corner to think on why I was spanked ... Then we sit and talk again and cuddle ... I never thought I'd Br spankee like a child such as yourself ... But it has done wonders for our relationship ... I'm always considerate of her feelings ... She sounds like a very beautiful woman who demands respect ... Open those comunicación lines ...
ReplyDeleteI know she was worried sick and that is what led to the spanking in anger. The slate was wiped clean and all was forgiven.
DeleteI just read through all your posts, having found your blog via Ms. "Wife In Charge" Dianne and respecting her opinions. To me, the third sentence of this post is the key--"...this forum is hardly a good therapist..." Assuming you've posted honestly, it's more than time you spoke to one. There have been some very thoughtful, accurate posts from Alan and KL, among others, about the desirability of confronting the issue with your wife (as opposed to 'confronting your wife with the issue'). I don't think it matters terribly whether you do that before you talk with a therapist or after, but I'm concerned you're using the good, supportive feeling of people's interest here on the blog to stave off the necessity of facing fears and getting professional advice/help. We ought not to enable you in that. Take a deep breath, cinch up whichever style of underwear you decide to use for the purpose, and make an appointment. Good luck.
ReplyDeleteThanks I will consider this.
DeleteHaving read your posts and comments, I find myself reiterating what everyone else is saying "You need to talk with your wife openly and honestly." I get the feeling that you love your wife and she appears to love you dearly too. I get the impression though that you are afraid to tell her how you feel about the spankings/punishments for fear that she will leave you. (I think you mentioned she said as much in a previous post).
ReplyDeleteHowever, it seems that you are considering your options after this latest spanking and are perhaps considering leaving her. If this is the case then you have nothing to lose by sitting down and talking with her openly about your feelings about this or any other issue. From what you write, she really does seem to love you, I mean she cried herself while spanking you, so like everyone else, I would encourage you wholeheartedly to talk with her. Choose a time when you are both relaxed and not a time when there is tension. Timing is everything! If you can't discuss this with your wife, the person who knows you more than anyone else, the person you took vows with and who loves you, then who can you tell? I think she'd be devastated if you just decided to leave without talking this through. It is a bug bear in your relationship and you can't reconcile while it's still coming between you. Perhaps you can reach a compromise in both your behaviour and her idea of discipline/correction - guidelines, rules. What is acceptable to her in terms of your behaviour and actions and what is not.
One other thing, that strapping you got should have been enough to clean your slate as the person above commented. Dragging out your punishment over several days and adding early nights etc seems unnecessarily harsh and isolating. As someone who's been married 20+ years, I feel the secret to a successful and loving relationship is making up any arguments/issues before going to sleep each night. Waking up the next morning in a loving embrace without tension and anxiety is a joy!
Best wishes in whatever you decide but I think you'll be happier and stronger as a couple if you talk together openly and keep it that way.
The early bedtime was unusual but as I said, I felt so bad I was in no mood to argue.
DeleteWe are stating to talk now and so far, not much has changed.
I agree with all of the commenters who urge you to open up communication with your wife. You are in a difficult spot in your marriage and the only way to break through is to find some ground that the both of you can live with.
ReplyDeleteI do want to comment on one thing though. Your experiences have left you questioning your masculinity as if, somehow, the things you have experienced make you less of a man. This is just not true. You are as much a man today as you were a year ago! This would be true even if you accepted a submissive role. Nothing that happens to you diminishes your masculinity. Your tears came out of a very conflicted and painful situation that most of us would have a problem with. The stereotype of the emotionless man is a thing of the past.
In fact, for me, the only things that diminish a man are things like dishonesty, unfaithfulness, cruelty and so on. Whatever relationship you manage to work out with your wife is not a measure of your manliness.
I appreciate the assurance that I am still a man. My wife certainly thinks so. I may be selfish at times, but I am certainly not cruel, unfaithful or dishonest (well I guess we all stretch the truth at times, but mostly honest)
DeleteOh what nonsense from all these comments!
ReplyDeleteYou got what you deserved, no more and no less.
If you don't want to be spanked, then act considerately in future!
Ms. Julie, your last line is wisdom for certain!
DeleteBest,
WhMs
So consent means nothing to you. Given your reasoning it would be perfectly fine for a man to overpower a woman much smaller than himself and spank the living daylights out of her. You must be out of your mind!
DeleteI have to admit, there is some truth to what you say. That is pretty much how our last conversation went.
DeleteMen who do very stupid things, are forced too wear Bra's, panties, nylons, and earrings! Oh behave, " little girl" you are to be seen, not heard! Or even a word! It's time for your bubble bath, and that's that? You be shaved from head too toe. Now the nail polish, on your toesy's and dainty fingers too, Your days hanging out with the boys will be ending soon! You could see the guys, would they recognize you? In your short pretty dress, panties, sexy nylon thighs! Wouldn't that be a surprise? So my sissy tart, do what I say? Or I leave you in your own pretties, at a truck stop " ladies room" to find your own way! No other clothing or money in your purse, what will you do? You have too show off your pretty underthings become a hooker, get a ride from a trucker, kiss him too? Maybe he will get you some sexy clothes, or he or she? Will keep your in your bra, panties, n hose! You'll be stuck being his bitch too, wait till he gets you to a motel, and wants too screw, sexy girl what will you do? Say it's the time of the month, start sucking till noon, get use to it girlfriend, this is nothing new? You be his panty-ass bitch by his side, keep those heels on he'll tan your hide, inside! He stop at a lingerie shop, that's all you need? You want too escape, and tied up too! Later on its " garter belt and nylons, baby doll nightie, your screwed, keep your spike high heels? He or she wants you in the nude? What will you do? Start sucking like us real girls, till noon" hee, hee, I'm wondering if you will be able too wear any kind of clothes? I suppose, you be his or her riding slut bitch, in an uncomfortable underwire bra, garter belt, nylons or pantyhose!
ReplyDeleteI would have thought my actual situation would have been enough for you. I am glad you are not my wife. Its bad enough I have to put up with the spankings.
DeleteMy words and ideas were more for poetic revenge, I want him to get it in the end, my being spanking friend, when will it end? Or will not? I wonder what she use to hit you with? Is a stick,"? ouch"! A bat? Imagine that? A hairbrush I'll try not to rush, you might blush! A shoe how did I knew? You have too tell me as I say to you! Adou Amanda.
DeleteWow. While I encourage my wife to take the role yours has I view spankings much differently. I have started hating the actual spankings but still love the thought, idea and lead up to one and still encourage my wife to give them when deserved. Your situation is completely different though. Yes, you need to talk or at the very least either A) Accept the spankings as part of your marriage or B) Tell her "no more" and be prepared to leave if she doesn't accept that. It is really that simple. Either you can live with the spankings as a "quirk" of your wife's or you can't accept them even if that means you leave her.
ReplyDeleteSorry, but it really isn't as simple as you make it sound. But you are right. I did speak with her and for now it looks like it will be option A.
DeleteGlad to hear you chose option A. That was my own choice quite a few years ago, and I have never regretted it! You will get used to it, believe me - and you may even get to like it - in some ways, and in due time!
DeleteThanks. I chose option A because I love my wife but I still don't see a time where I will "get to like it"
Delete