In my last post I received a rather interesting comment from a "Rob" who asked some very poignant questions.
I repeat his comment here;
Honestly the bigger part of me wonders if this blog is the work of a fantasist for a few reasons, but taking it at face value i think it presents a moral dilemma and thought experiment in any case, so I'll indulge it for a moment.
I don't understand people's comments saying the discipline is 'working'. If it's working, why are you whining about it online (and why hasn't she caught you blogging, yet)? Hand on heart, do you see benefits from it or not? Is it achieving the ends she claims to have in mind, or not? If not, why is she so myopic as to not see that? Do you doubt the purity of her motive? If it is working (making you behave better), what, really, lies at the root of your complaint? Because it goes against societal norms? Because the punishment doesn't fit the crime? Because being an adult places you above the indignity of certain punishments? Because you believe in an egalitarian relationship?
You seem too well-spoken to be a poor introspector, but you don't seem to be reaching out for help so much as regaling perverts like myself with lurid stories of your wife's latest disciplinary action. If you really want help, then go deeper into what the problem is. Although you're only going to get slanted advice from a slanted audience. For what it's worth, your relationship sounds well-meant but misguided at best (simply by virtue of this blog's existence) and abusive at worst, and that's coming from someone who believes in DD as a viable relationship model.-Rob
I was about to reply to this comment when I thought that perhaps these complex questions deserved their own post, so here they are for everyone, but I will be speaking to Rob.
You are right to remain skeptical of what you read on the internet as I myself am when I am reading other blogs to see if there is anyone in a similar situation as myself. Some of the stuff that I read online is so unbelievable but then I look at my own situation and then I begin to wonder. Sometime truth is stranger than fiction and sometimes I read bonafide news stories that are so bizarre that I no longer know what to believe.
That said, I want to thank you for giving me the benefit of the doubt and responding to me on the assumption that I am on the level and you did ask some difficult questions.
Why am I whining about it? Well, I never considered what I was doing as whining so not sure how to answer that one. I knew long before I even started this blog that I had "accepted" my wife's discipline. Oh sure, I relived some of the struggles I had about divorce, pressing charges, leaving her, resisting. To be honest now, I had gone through all those emotions before I even started the blog. I came to the conclusion that I loved my wife and was willing to submit to her even if I did not enjoy it. But I do not enjoy it. As I struggled with this I became aware that there are many who do enjoy it. A part of me was curious as to why they enjoyed it. Writing this blog and venting my feelings to an interested audience helps me deal with my situation. If you feel I am "whining" about it that's fine. I am sure there are things in your life that you "complain" about but really don't feel the need to change or leave, perhaps your job, your relatives, your home owners association. You are not really looking for things to change, but sometimes you just need to vent to feel better and help you deal with the situation. For me, I have an issue that I would not feel comfortable venting about in real life. This blog allows me to vent in a safe environment and your comments reassure me that there is a sympathetic (even if skeptical) ear.
Hand on heart? Do I see benefits? Well, I don't know. Certainly I am more aware of the behaviors that displease her and she does not nitpicking either. She has always been dominant, but not demanding. At least not demanding in that she can't be pleased. Certainly when she lays down the law there is little room for negotiation. Is my behavior changing? Yes, it is, but just because the spankings are having a positive effect does not mean I have to like them.
Do I doubt the purity of her motive? I always doubted her a little. I read too many blogs online and it is clear that spanking and DD role play have a strong sexual element to it. It is hard to believe that out of all the methods she could use to modify my behavior she chose spanking. Yes it gets my attention, yes it gets the desired results but why spanking? In spite of her denials she must get pleasure out of pulling down my pants and spanking me. Does she get sexual pleasure from that? I don't know and i am less sure of that, but I have little doubt that she gets some kind of high out of spanking me.
So what is my real complaint? What has driven me to this blog and has me describing details of my life to solicit feedback from people who I know are getting their jollies off reading about my situation?
Well, I know there are people who would do anything to have the kind of woman I have. In reading other blogs there are many men out there who enjoy being treated the way I am being treated, but for me this is all too real. I do not enjoy this at all. I accept it for the good of my marriage but I hate it. Grown men should not be treated this way unless they want to. So yes, being an adult should place me above the dignity of certain punishments. Children get spanked. I was spanked as a child. It is a demeaning and humiliating punishment, but for me as a child it worked. I felt embarrassed and ashamed then and had a strong desire to change my behavior to avoid those feelings. I feel twice as embarrassed and ashamed now so yes it does prompt me to change my behavior, but
Do I want help? To be honest, I don't know if I want help to change the situation. It is what it is. It does help for me to share the stories of what is happening and what has happened with an audience who enjoys hearing the stories. Why? I guess I am curious to know why others find this enjoyable. I don't understand what make a man want to be punished like a child. What makes a man not want to be a man. In some ways, I realize the spankings will continue and if I could only understand why some people enjoy being treated this way I try to convince myself that I am not that abnormal.
That said, there was a single event that prompted me to stop and wonder about the true meaning of the situation that I was in and if I was going to truly accept my situation and that was the threat of being spanked in front of Sarah. I have come to accept that my wife will spank me periodically and I have grown to accept that as a problem of my marriage that needs to be dealt with. All marriages have problems some big and some small. Some so big that they can not be overcome and a couple is forced to separate. With the exception of the spankings, I have no other complaints about our marriage. It is a great marriage (for me) except for the fact that my wife spanks me.
My wife has often said, that if I did not want to be spanked, I could either change my behavior or leave. Obviously I have chosen to stay. Now Sarah (and remember that is not her real name) is different. I know I have heard from others that I could survive being spanked in front of Sarah. I am not so sure that is true. I am not sure I want that to be true.
I never admitted this to the blog because I did not want to be wrong, but anyway here goes. Here is the big idea for the new year.
Since my wife has said the only way to really avoid an ordered spanking, whether it is in private of in front of Sarah, would be to leave her. I know that and she knows that. She has pushed me to the edge many times with very severe, sound and embarrassing spankings all, so far in private. She has subjected me to other humiliations, especially in the last few weeks, but I have submitted to them all in private. She threatened to send me to the doctors in briefs. I know for many of you this is a silly thing and don't understand what my hang up is with briefs. Well, I have read where men will shave their pubes and go to the doctor wearing woman's panties and I don't understand how you can do that. Just because you don't understand does not make it a big deal for me. Briefs embarrass me and I do not want anyone to know I wear them. My wife knows this. I think she knows how important this is to me. I think that is the reason she "forgot" to remind me to wear them and has remained silent on the issue why? Because she is afraid is she pushed me too far I will leave her. I realized that while her threat is not an empty threat, it is not like she wants me to leave her.
So the big idea? My wife is afraid I will leave her. For this reason, she may push me to the limit. She may probe and test, but I think she really understands where the line is and will never push me over it for fear of me leaving. I had a comment that hinted at this. All these behaviors are tests to find out where that line is. What can she get away with? (Spanking, corner time, etc.) and what will push me over the edge (public spanking, public display of underwear)
So to all the people who have commented about my last Christmas present, here is my take on it.
I will be spanked in 2015. Those spankings will not be more frequent or severe but will be similar to the spankings I have received up till now.
She will continue to make me wear briefs,whether for her stated reasons or as a reminder of my "status" in her eyes I do not know.
I will NOT be spanked in front of Sarah because my wife fears that will push me over the edge and she does not want me to leave any more that I want to leave.
I will NOT have to wear briefs to my next physical. My wife will remain silent on that issue.
I will continue to write about my spankings, past and future not so much because I am looking to really change the situation, but I do want and appreciate the opinion of an audience who has insight into what my wife may be thinking and planning and how to cope with my situation.
Yes, I admit it. I am clearly in a DD relationship even if it is a little different than many of the others I have read about. I may not consent to it, asked for it, appreciate it or desire it, but I have come to reluctantly accept it.
That does not mean I won't complain or "whine" about it in 2015. The venting, complaining and whining about it helps me deal with it and I thank all my readers for their support in 2014 and hope you will continue to support me in 2015. I will write about any interesting events that happen or share stories from the past if nothing new is happening. I will do my best to write in a way that helps you with your prurient interests so that you can gleam the facts from the story but also provide you with the entertainment you need.
So that said, lets continue the game. I made my predictions for 2015. Anyone care to make predictions of your own?
Dear rt,
ReplyDeleteI am going to respond in a running commentary quoting parts of your post
“Is my behavior changing? Yes, it is, but just because the spankings are having a positive effect does not mean I have to like them”
I don’t like them either, don’t like being bent over. don’t like being scolded, don’t like having my pants taken down, don’t like the pain of her bath brush on my bottom, don’t like the embarrassment and humbling that goes along with bare bottom spanking . But I do like what it does for my attitude, my behavior, and my relationship. I consider all that a fair return for the spankings I get. How is that different from you?
“It is hard to believe that out of all the methods she could use to modify my behavior she chose spanking. Yes it gets my attention, yes it gets the desired results but why spanking? … She must get pleasure out of pulling down my pants and spanking me.”
Your wife is not a spanko . She passes by too many situations she could spank and doesn’t to be a spanko .Of course she gets some satisfaction out of controlling you but that’s just human. Somehow she found out that spanking works with you (it does for many men). It doesn’t really matter how. She uses spanking because it works. If blowing smoke in your ears worked instead she would be doing that. Your wife is going to use whatever kind of discipline works to bring your behavior to the level she expects.
“I am curious to know why others find this enjoyable. I don't understand what make a man want to be punished like a child,,, what makes a man not want to be a man…if I could only understand why some people enjoy being treated this way I try to convince myself that I am not that abnormal”
Some men don’t feel like less than a man because they are spanked. I don’t. My wife has told me she thinks more of me because I admit my failings and accept my punishment from her. It isn’t that I want to be punished like a child. My wife thinks that when I behave like a child her job is to restore me to responsible adulthood with discipline and it works. That’s what I get out of it, more self-respect, my wife’s love and respect and the feeling I am growing. Also, as you describe your spankings ,your wife doesn’t seem to spend enough time on aftercare reassuring you after it’s over and bringing you back to the full intimacy with her that has been interrupted by your behavior.
“I will NOT be spanked in front of Sarah because my wife fears that will push me over the edge and she does not want me to leave any more that I want to leave.”
I agree very much she does not want to spank you in front of Sarah and she does not want you to leave. But you are foolish if you think she will not do it if you misbehave in front of Sarah as you have been warned about. Your wife loves you deeply and is trying to strengthen your marriage with discipline (which by your own admission is working) .But she has drawn a line in the sand on Sarah and will not back down. If she decides to spank you in front of Sarah it will happen and if you push her to that point she will do it. Not taking a spanking in front of Sarah if your wife orders it will cause a crisis in your marriage you do not want.
Finally you asked for predictions for 2015
1. I don’t think Sarah will see you spanked next year. You are a smart guy and know how to avoid that . But please don’t assume it can’t happen. Nothing will make it happen faster than you arrogantly believing it won’t
2. You are going to get spanked in private much more frequently next year possibly with the bottom baring exercises as a prelude. She is upping the standards she expects and those frequent bottom barings were rehearsals. I don’t think the severity of your spanking will increase although that might happen by the end of the year if increased frequency doesn’t work.
3. My big prediction is that by end of 2015 you will tell your blog readers not only are you in a DD relationship but you want to be and understand how much your wife is expressing her love in disciplining you.
Thanks. Just wanted to let you know I read your whole comment and appreciate you sharing your opinion.
DeleteThe thing we appear to differ most on is your spankings still seem to be between consenting adults. It is hard to get people to understand that acceptance is not consent.
I believe (I have to believe ) that my wife is spanking me with the intention of improving my behavior. That may not be true, but it is what I need to believe to make this work. So believing that and accepting that I may be subjected to bare bottom spankings that bring me to tears, how can I possibly feel like a man? When she is treating me like that how can I not feel like anything other than a child?
Perhaps that is the reason there is no "aftercare." She does not see me as her husband at that point, but a naughty child who needs to cry it out and think about what he has done.
So are you saying that if a spanking in front of Sarah is eminent that you'll leave?.....as in walk out of the house and not come back? Divorce your wife?
ReplyDeleteMy predictions for you: you will be spanked more often and more severely especially for repeat offences. Sarah will see you bare bottomed at some point and possibly spanked(50% chance, 100% chance if you fuck up in her presence). When Sarah sees you bare bottomed and/or spanked you won't leave your wife. Your wife will continue to exert her control over you as she is getting her rocks off on this in some way even tho she won't admit it to you. You will soon find yourself like so many of those other blogs you read that you can't believe they are doing this, only soon it will be you doing it. You will probably be wearing panties soon as well.
For the record. I never said that a spanking in front of Sarah would mean I would leave my wife. It is just that I do not know if I could withstand that event. It might be that I would refuse and leave her which is the only real choice I have to avoid it. As I contemplate the possibility that it could happen, I freak out and panic. I am not sure I could just stand there and let her spank me in front of Sarah. I think my wife knows this and she is also unsure how far she can push me before I snap. I think if she felt she could have gotten away with it I would have been spanked in front of Sarah long ago.
DeleteYour Statement “I will NOT be spanked in front of Sarah because my wife fears that will push me over the edge and she does not want me to leave any more that I want to leave.” says you WILL,leave her if this happens. So is that statement Bullshit or are you chickening out? I'm sure your wife can sense your uncertainty and she will use this to her advantage i.e. you will be spanked in front of Sarah if she deems it's needed and she knows you won't leave her. After reading your latest post I fear you're in for a lot more than you bargained for. Your wife will definitely be taking you anally, probably make you wear panties(maybe even her dirty ones), and removing more of your freedoms as time goes on. Have you signed over your paycheck to her yet? You soon will. I also firmly believe someone(probably Sarah) is mentoring your wife and at some point will want a demonstration of her control over you. She'll want to see your wife's progress in controlling you with a live demonstration. And when it happens it will be at a time that is even more inconvenient for you to leave, Such as when your standing bare assed in the corner of the living room as Sarah enters your home. And if you put up a fight then, she'll just manhandle you again and really give Sarah a show. My advise to you is to tell her sooner rather than later this WILL stop or you're leaving her. Otherwise you should buy a dildo and start practicing so it doesn't hurt so much when she takes your anal cherry.
DeleteI think it's positive that you have accepted your wife's discipline. But I think you are slightly deluding yourself if you think the status quo will be maintained in 2015. For whatever reason, your wife is a disciplinarian and by nature will expect standards to be maintained.
ReplyDeleteThe issue you seem to have failed to notice is that as you reach one level, and achieve her standards, so then her expectations increase ever higher. She has set you challenge after challenge so why do you think she will stop now?
My prediction is that your punishments will continue and the severity will increase. And I think that when it happens you will continue to accept the situation because you love love your wife and this is just a small - but important - part of your relationship.
I think the Sarah threat will continue to be just that - unless your a silly enough to push your wife into carrying out her threat. And even if it does happen, I still don't believe you will leave your wife over it.
In closing I'd like to thank your for your blog. It is most interesting to read how another's DD lifestyle develops. It's very different to ours but fascinating just the same. I wish you and your wife al the best with your relationship - a very happy new year.
Thanks for the honest feedback. As for what 2015 holds, if you read my latest post ('Roll Over') I am already beginning to realize that the status quo has already changed. I don't yet know if this will lead to more frequent or more severe spankings yet, but something is different.
DeleteBefore, the spankings were few and far between, now even though I have not been spanked for a while, it seems like my pants are almost constantly being pulled down for one reason or another. In the past there were breaks in between the spankings when everything was normal. Now I am in constant stress that my pants will be coming down on a moments notice. A very different dynamic indeed and I am still struggling with the meaning of it.
For now I am taking my wife at her word that this is all meant to eliminate spankings from 2015. As long as everything remains private and between just us I am willing to see where she is headed with this.
Rest assured that you will not be severely disciplined in front of "Sarah" in 2015. It is now clear to me that you want to keep your panting readership waiting for this ultimate thrill as long as you can. But you richly deserve to be spanked in front of Sarah, you know, if for no other reason than your puerile claim that you will leave your wife if she subjects you to this.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your vote of confidence, but the rest of your comment confuses me.
DeleteSo if a man states he refuses to be spanked, a childish punishment, he is acting childish?
I deserve to be spanked for no other reason than that I refuse to be spanked in front of a stranger?
You don't sound fair or impartial to me. It is clear you are part of the "panting readership" hoping that I will get spanked in front of Sarah.
Well, I of course will do everything in my power to prevent that from happening and hope you can satisfy yourself with the stories of what does happen.
Either way, I hope you keep reading.
You're right. I'm part of your panting readership. But I require escalation sometime. I hope that your wife (or is it you?) provides it in the form of spanking in front of Sarah.
Delete