Sorry for the delay in writing.
First off I wanted to let everyone know that I have read and considered everyone's comments and I apologize for not taking more time to respond to everyone individually. I may still get to it but please be assured that I value every comment I receive.
What I had noticed emerging was a common idea that I needed to have a talk with my wife to discuss my concerns. I said I was afraid to do this, but I could not articulate why. After deep reflection it became apparent to me that while I really did not like the spankings, I really liked my marriage in every other respect. The spankings were so infrequent and even with the one before New Years that left me in tears, I still do not consider them abusive. When I hear about all the other problems many marriages are experiencing I came to the conclusion that if this is the worst thing that happens to me I should consider myself lucky. I guess my fear is that in the attempt to correct the one thing I do not like about my marriage I could screw up all the things that work.
The spanking I got before New Years was pretty severe and left me crying for the first time. It upset me and I think it upset my wife. It was so emotional that I was beginning to think that it may have been my last spanking. This last Sunday I found out that was not the case and I once again got a spanking. I will certainly take the time to write up all the details for you but I will quickly share this. The spanking was no where near as severe as the one I got last time. In fact it was pretty mild as far as spankings go, however, I found myself crying again. I wasn't crying from the pain, but the humiliation and embarrassment and realization that my wife still felt that it was necessary to spank me like a child to get me to change my behavior. Do I feel I deserved the spanking? In relation to what were spanking offenses in the past, yes I deserved the spanking. Do I wish she wouldn't bare my bottom and spank me? Absolutely. Am I going to call the cops on her, divorce her, leave her? Absolutely not. Am I going to talk to her about it and see if I can get her to agree to stop. I don't know, I honestly don't know.
This is the line that still concerns me:
ReplyDelete"I guess my fear is that in the attempt to correct the one thing I do not like about my marriage I could screw up all the things that work."
If anything I did made my husband feel humiliated (or hurt, or upset in some other way), I would absolutely want to know it so I could alter my behavior. The lack of communication on something so important would itself injure our marriage. Certainly it would reduce our intimacy.
If you allow your wife to believe everything is just fine when it isn't, is this being honest with her? If the tables were turned, would you prefer to be protected from the truth, or would you want to think she had enough confidence in you to risk sharing it?
I have had to bring up some very sore issues over the years with my husband. Early in our marriage, my husband was initially reluctant to hear what I had to say, but I would ask him, "Do you want to hear it now, or do you want to wait to hear it some day in front of a marriage counselor?" He listened.
He's told me many times since that he was glad I spoke up. We resolved all those issues and we are stronger for it, married over two decades now.
Please don't hide your truth from your wife. Have the confidence in her that she can handle it and that your marriage will grow from it. Choose intimacy over fear.
1 John 4:18 reads, "There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love." (NIV)
Well, we talked. Nothing has changed except at least now I know she will listen.
DeleteVery interesting post. Good to see your are hanging int there and have finally realised that your relationship is really great, apart this one small thing.
ReplyDeleteI get a feeling from this post that you might be coming around to her way of thinking - even if you don't come out in the open admitting as such.
You say: 'I found myself crying again. I wasn't crying from the pain, but the humiliation and embarrassment and realization that my wife still felt that it was necessary to spank me like a child to get me to change my behavior. Do I feel I deserved the spanking? In relation to what were spanking offenses in the past, yes I deserved the spanking.'
It seems to me that you know you had done wrong and warranted this latest spanking. You admit yourself you deserved it. And you say your wife did this to use the humiliation and embarrassment to help you change your behaviour.
The fact you understand this now, perhaps shows you her methods do actually have some merit.
Submitting to corporal punishment to your wife is an humiliating process but can be a very good method of clearing the air to leave you enjoying the rest of your marriage.
I still think you should discuss the whole situation with her but I also think that it's worth accepting a spanking once in a while if it keeps, what you say is an otherwise great marriage, on an even keel.
Thanks, as you see we did talk. I still hate the spankings, but at least we talked.
DeleteThere is a lot of discussion of consent on here that is hard to disagree with. But another aspect of your situation has not been discussed at all and that is the fact that spouses do punish each other when they are angry or disappointed with behavior or attitude and there is really no conscious consent there. This is just a reality of marriage and staying married. The punishment may be coldness or fighting or withholding sex or any of dozens of chastisements but do not doubt that if you misbehave your spouse will punish you in some way. In your case for reasons she understands best your wife has decided to punish you with embarrassing spankings which apparently do work to modify your behavior. My point is that your options are not punishment or no punishment. As long as your wife believes your behavior is falling short she will punish you and if you talk her out of the spankings she will use some other form of punishment. Speaking as someone who has experienced both corporal and non-corporal punishment from my wife there is much to say for spankings. It is over relatively fast, really clears the air, relieves hurt feelings and does over time change behavior. Personally I would not exchange the spankings I get for any of the alternative ways she could punish. If I were you I would consider telling her that you do not like the spankings but understand why she has to administer them and will try to use the lessons she is teaching to grow and become the man she wants you to be so over time she will have to spank you less often. If you say something like that to her it will open the communication between you more than anything else you could do and ultimately you will get punished less. Good luck
ReplyDeleteWell, it didn't go exactly the way you suggested, but surprisingly, this is kind of what happened with our Pillow Talk. I admitted I did not want to be spanked. She was sympathetic and supportive but made it clear that they would continue if the behavior continued.
DeleteLadies and wife's too become, I wrote a little poem, it's called the " Husband poem"! All this talk about spanking your hubby,might work or not and give him a chubby, you need to be in control, and have too be bold, make him do things, you want as told! Doesn't obey, your heed and call, start the punishment, once and for all! Ladies start a perfume scented bubble bath in your tub, with unscented Nair, put your hubby in there! When he's in tell him what you did, you gonna be changed from a man too a kid? ( boy-girl) you make your own preference? He or she will be baby smooth, will have a hard time looking like a dude? Now your queen of the hill, what will you might get? A Jack or a Jill? " hee,hee" Ladies, and future wives have a great day, and never comprised! "wifey" Amanda.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the poem. It made me laugh. I don't know if that was your intention, but found it funny anyway.
DeleteHello, I'm glad you like the poem, it hit me at the last minute, I wanted to try something different ? There's some others I did in your happy new year blog? Everything rhymes, I did one on you! I hope you like it! Maybe later on I do another one, we all can have fun! I love your blogs, too! Amanda.
DeleteI agree with the comment posted by Anon. on Feb. 17. Being spanked does hurt - and many would regard it as humiliating - but, if deserved, it "clears the air". Moreover, it has to do with whether you are willing to accept that your (mis)behavior requires some sort of punishment - and to suffer the consequences. My own wife is strict, but fair, and I take my 'medicine' as stoically as I can - never forgetting to thank her afterwards for a "well deserved" paddling or flogging... before being assigned a spell of bare-bottomed "corner time"
ReplyDeleteI don't thank her. But it does clear the air as you say.
DeleteIf you deserved it, you should thank her (or acknowledge in some other way that she had the right to spank you)
DeleteSorry, I just can't bring myself to thank her. I guess the only way I acknowledge her right to spank me is by complying when she orders me to pull down my pants and underpants. I don't like it, don't want it and it hurts and lately has been making my cry. I am not going to thank her for that.
Delete"Complying" means that you accept her authority - and thanking her (or just admitting that you deserved it) is no more than another way to admit that you were at fault.
DeleteI may admit my behavior is wrong and reluctantly accept her desire to use spanking as a way of addressing that behavior, but I still don't feel I "deserve" a spanking. Maybe it is just semantics, but I can't say thank you for that. I will try to change my behavior to avoid future spankings and hopefully that will be enough.
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