One Good Comment Deserves a Post

In my last post I received a rather interesting comment from a "Rob" who asked some very poignant questions.

I repeat his comment here;

Honestly the bigger part of me wonders if this blog is the work of a fantasist for a few reasons, but taking it at face value i think it presents a moral dilemma and thought experiment in any case, so I'll indulge it for a moment.

I don't understand people's comments saying the discipline is 'working'. If it's working, why are you whining about it online (and why hasn't she caught you blogging, yet)? Hand on heart, do you see benefits from it or not? Is it achieving the ends she claims to have in mind, or not? If not, why is she so myopic as to not see that? Do you doubt the purity of her motive? If it is working (making you behave better), what, really, lies at the root of your complaint? Because it goes against societal norms? Because the punishment doesn't fit the crime? Because being an adult places you above the indignity of certain punishments? Because you believe in an egalitarian relationship?

You seem too well-spoken to be a poor introspector, but you don't seem to be reaching out for help so much as regaling perverts like myself with lurid stories of your wife's latest disciplinary action. If you really want help, then go deeper into what the problem is. Although you're only going to get slanted advice from a slanted audience. For what it's worth, your relationship sounds well-meant but misguided at best (simply by virtue of this blog's existence) and abusive at worst, and that's coming from someone who believes in DD as a viable relationship model.-Rob 

I was about to reply to this comment when I thought that perhaps these complex questions deserved their own post, so here they are for everyone, but I will be speaking to Rob.

You are right to remain skeptical of what you read on the internet as I myself am when I am reading other blogs to see if there is anyone in a similar situation as myself.  Some of the stuff that I read online is so unbelievable but then I look at my own situation and then I begin to wonder.  Sometime truth is stranger than fiction and sometimes I read bonafide news stories that are so bizarre that I no longer know what to believe.

That said, I want to thank you for giving me the benefit of the doubt and responding to me on the assumption that I am on the level and you did ask some difficult questions.

Why am I whining about it?  Well, I never considered what I was doing as whining so not sure how to answer that one.  I knew long before I even started this blog that I had "accepted" my wife's discipline.  Oh sure, I relived some of the struggles I had about divorce, pressing charges, leaving her, resisting.  To be honest now, I had gone through all those emotions before I even started the blog.  I came to the conclusion that I loved my wife and was willing to submit to her even if I did not enjoy it.  But I do not enjoy it.  As I struggled with this I became aware that there are many who do enjoy it.  A part of me was curious as to why they enjoyed it.   Writing this blog and venting my feelings to an interested audience helps me deal with my situation.  If you feel I am "whining" about it that's fine.  I am sure there are things in your life that you "complain" about but really don't feel the need to change or leave, perhaps your job, your relatives, your home owners association.  You are not really looking for things to change, but sometimes you just need to vent to feel better and help you deal with the situation.  For me, I have an issue that I would not feel comfortable venting about in real life.  This blog allows me to vent in a safe environment and your comments reassure me that there is a sympathetic (even if skeptical) ear.

Hand on heart?  Do I see benefits?  Well, I don't know.  Certainly I am more aware of the behaviors that displease her and she does not nitpicking either.  She has always been dominant, but not demanding.  At least not demanding in that she can't be pleased.  Certainly when she lays down the law there is little room for negotiation.   Is my behavior changing?  Yes, it is, but just because the spankings are having a positive effect does not mean I have to like them.

Do I doubt the purity of her motive?  I always doubted her a little.  I read too many blogs online and it is clear that spanking and DD role play have a strong sexual element to it.  It is hard to believe that out of all the methods she could use to modify my behavior she chose spanking.  Yes it gets my attention, yes it gets the desired results but why spanking?  In spite of her denials she must get pleasure out of pulling down my pants and spanking me.  Does she get sexual pleasure from that?  I don't know and i am less sure of that, but I have little doubt that she gets some kind of high out of spanking me.

So what is my real complaint?  What has driven me to this blog and has me describing details of my life to solicit feedback from people who I know are getting their jollies off reading about my situation?

Well, I know there are people who would do anything to have the kind of woman I have.  In reading other blogs there are many men out there who enjoy being treated the way I am being treated, but for me this is all too real.  I do not enjoy this at all.  I accept it for the good of my marriage but I hate it.  Grown men should not be treated this way unless they want to.  So yes, being an adult should place me above the dignity of certain punishments.  Children get spanked.  I was spanked as a child.  It is a demeaning and humiliating punishment, but for me as a child it worked.  I felt embarrassed and ashamed then and had a strong desire to change my behavior to avoid those feelings.  I feel twice as embarrassed and ashamed now so yes it does prompt me to change my behavior, but

Do I want help?  To be honest, I don't know if I want help to change the situation.  It is what it is.  It does help for me to share the stories of what is happening and what has happened with an audience who enjoys hearing the stories.  Why?  I guess I am curious to know why others find this enjoyable.  I don't understand what make a man want to be punished like a child.  What makes a man not want to be a man.  In some ways, I realize the spankings will continue and if I could only understand why some people enjoy being treated this way I try to convince myself that I am not that abnormal.

That said, there was a single event that prompted me to stop and wonder about the true meaning of the situation that I was in and if I was going to truly accept my situation and that was the threat of being spanked in front of Sarah.  I have come to accept that my wife will spank me periodically and I have grown to accept that as a problem of my marriage that needs to be dealt with.  All marriages have problems some big and some small.  Some so big that they can not be overcome and a couple is forced to separate.   With the exception of the spankings, I have no other complaints about our marriage.  It is a great marriage (for me) except for the fact that my wife spanks me.

My wife has often said, that if I did not want to be spanked, I could either change my behavior or leave.  Obviously I have chosen to stay.  Now Sarah (and remember that is not her real name) is different.  I know I have heard from others that I could survive being spanked in front of Sarah.  I am not so sure that is true.  I am not sure I want that to be true.

I never admitted this to the blog because I did not want to be wrong, but anyway here goes.  Here is the big idea for the new year.

Since my wife has said the only way to really avoid an ordered spanking, whether it is in private of in front of Sarah, would be to leave her.  I know that and she knows that.  She has pushed me to the edge many times with very severe, sound and embarrassing spankings all, so far in private.  She has subjected me to other humiliations, especially in the last few weeks, but I have submitted to them all in private.  She threatened to send me to the doctors in briefs.  I know for many of you this is a silly thing and don't understand what my hang up is with briefs.  Well, I have read where men will shave their pubes and go to the doctor wearing woman's panties and I don't understand how you can do that.  Just because you don't understand does not make it a big deal for me.  Briefs embarrass me and I do not want anyone to know I wear them.  My wife knows this.  I think she knows how important this is to me.  I think that is the reason she "forgot" to remind me to wear them and has remained silent on the issue why?  Because she is afraid is she pushed me too far I will leave her.  I realized that while her threat is not an empty threat, it is not like she wants me to leave her.

So the big idea?  My wife is afraid I will leave her.  For this reason, she may push me to the limit.  She may probe and test, but I think she really understands where the line is and will never push me over it for fear of me leaving.  I had a comment that hinted at this.  All these behaviors are tests to find out where that line is.  What can she get away with? (Spanking, corner time, etc.) and what will push me over the edge (public spanking, public display of underwear)

So to all the people who have commented about my last Christmas present, here is my take on it.

I will be spanked in 2015.  Those spankings will not be more frequent or severe but will be similar to the spankings I have received up till now.

She will continue to make me wear briefs,whether for her stated reasons or as a reminder of my "status" in her eyes I do not know.

I will NOT be spanked in front of Sarah because my wife fears that will push me over the edge and she does not want me to leave any more that I want to leave.

I will NOT have to wear briefs to my next physical.  My wife will remain silent on that issue.

I will continue to write about my spankings, past and future not so much because I am looking to really change the situation, but I do want and appreciate the opinion of an audience who has insight into what my wife may be thinking and planning and how to cope with my situation.

Yes, I admit it.  I am clearly in a DD relationship even if it is a little different than many of the others I have read about.  I may not consent to it, asked for it, appreciate it or desire it, but I have come to reluctantly accept it.

That does not mean I won't complain or "whine" about it in 2015.  The venting, complaining and whining about it helps me deal with it and I thank all my readers for their support in 2014 and hope you will continue to support me in 2015.  I will write about any interesting events that happen or share stories from the past if nothing new is happening.  I will do my best to write in a way that helps you with your prurient interests so that you can gleam the facts from the story but also provide you with the entertainment you need.

So that said, lets continue the game.  I made my predictions for 2015.  Anyone care to make predictions of your own?

Merry @#$%&! Christmas

Well, if there was any doubt that my wife was sending a clear message that she planned to continue to humiliate me that doubt ended Christmas morning.  In addition to all the thoughtful gifts we gave each other, I open one package and what did I find in it?  A wooden hairbrush and a package of Hanes white briefs.

I was upset when I opened the package.  I looked at her with a "why?" face.  She did not smile or laugh but simply said, "Well, you can use new underpants and a hairbrush can be used for just brushing hair.  If it gets used for anything else, well that is entirely up to you."

I put the package down, not sure how I felt or was supposed to feel.  The month of December has been very intense and can only hope that with the new year things go back to normal, even if it means the occasional spanking.

Than one more thought came into my head.  When and where did she buy these?  Did she buy them together?  Did she buy them when she was shopping with Sarah?  I wanted to ask to reassure myself she was discrete when she bought them, but another part of me just did not want to know.   All day long I kept thinking back to that "present" wondering what it all meant.  Like I said, it has been a very intense month.  I can only hope it changes soon.


Merry Freaking Christmas.

Bare Bottom Warnings

I know it has been quite a long time since my last post.  First off, I am alive and well.  One comment-er had asked if my silence was because I was spank free or if it was because I was agonizing over a traumatic experience.   Well, the truth is both.  I have not been spanked, but there has been a series of "incidents" that  I have been agonizing over.

If you recall from my past posts I wrote about an incident that happened in "A Shot Across the Bow" where my wife made my strip to my briefs and walk around the house all morning.  Well, apparently she has not forgotten how effective this was so she did it again.  I was preparing to write about that incident when she did it again, and again and again.  In fact she did it several times this month and it has left me scared and confused.  This is a big shift in our relationship and don't know what to make of it.

It started about a month ago shortly after my last post.  We were talking about New Year's resolutions and how most of them fail within the first month.  She then joked, that perhaps she should set a resolution not to spank me in 2015.  Given that we were discussing how most resolutions fail, I took this to mean that I could expect to be spanked in 2015.  She then followed up her thought with the following,

"You know, if I want to keep that resolution in 2015, you need to change your behavior so that I don't have reason to spank you in 2015.  I think for the rest of this year, I am going to set a very low threshold for your punishments, but I don't want to spank you that much.  So instead I will bare your bottom and set you in position so you can think about how close you have come to getting spanked.  We can do this for the rest of the year and come 2015 hopefully you will come to recognize your behavior to the point where you can avoid all spank-able offenses."

I of course did not like the idea at all.  It sounded like I would be having my bottom bared twice a day by her.  Of course, I really did not have the will or assertiveness to resist.  If this was her plan I had no choice but to comply.  And so it came to be.

It was as little as two days latter when I started grumbling over my wife's request to clean out the garage as there were items too close to the cars and she was worried something would get run over or damaged.  It was cold and I had no desire to be out in the garage.  After a quick warning about how my continued attitude could cross the line into a spank-able offense I was order to "bend over the arm of the couch."

I complained that she was being ridiculous, but she just calmly stated I could either take the warning or wait until the situation escalated into a "full fledged spanking."  So I decided to get it over with a lay over the arm of the couch.  She immediately pulled down the sweat pants I was wearing all the way to my ankles then returned to pull my briefs all the way down to my ankles.  She then left the room and I stayed there for over an hour bent over the couch arm not daring to move.  I felt absolutely ridiculous.

Finally she came back in told me to stand up and face her.  I did looking down at my shriveled tiny penis and thinking how stupid I looked.   She did not say anything or do anything.  I think she just wanted to see me looking stupid with my pants and undies at my ankles.  I stayed like that for about 5 minutes before she told me I could pull my pants back up and that was that. Well, I had to go clean the garage out.

A few days later, I complained about taking the garbage out to the curb.  This time, without warning, she pulled my in front of her as she sat down on the couch.  She unbuckled my pants and pulled them down to my ankles, then pulled down my briefs.  She pulled me over her lap and placed her hand on my bottom.  She gently pushed one of her fingers ever so slightly between my butt checks and then sat like that for about a half hour.  I felt violated, even though it was my wife.  The whole time I laid there shivering at the helplessness I felt laying like that across her lap.  She then let me get up, pull my pants up then ordered me to take out the trash.  Of course, I did it immediately this time.

Another day, I was late coming home and when she asked me why I was late, instead of just telling her about the heavy traffic and having to stop and gas up the car I yelled at her.  That one, I felt bad about.  I don't know why I yelled at her.  I was stressed about the traffic but that was not her fault and I should not have yelled at her.  I actually expected a real spanking for that one.  She ordered me up to the guest room and I figured it was going to be the real deal.  I was ordered to strip down to my briefs and I quickly complied, the whole time begging for forgiveness and leniency.   Once down to my undies I was ordered to place myself over three pillows that she stacked in the middle of the bed. So there I was butt high up on the pillows laying down on the bed.  She came up to me and I flinched as I felt her hands on the waistband of my briefs.  She slowly pulled them down and all the way off until I was completely naked over the pillows.  It made me wonder why she didn't just ask me to strip naked.  I guess she enjoys baring my bottom herself.

So I laid there shivering and I heard the belt being retrieved from the closet and I felt my eyes water slightly in anticipation of the belt smacking down on my tender bottom.  I nearly wet the bed when she gently placed the belt across my bottom then walked out of the room.  She left me my like that for an hour before returning, picking up the belt and placing it back in the closet.  She then told me I was free to get up and go downstairs if I wanted to, but that I was not allowed to get dressed.  I asked if I could at least have my briefs and she said, no.  I was to remain naked until the morning.  So deciding I did not want to be down in the living room and kitchen all night naked, I went to the bathroom, took a shower and read in bed until I fell asleep.

Another day, I was driving with my wife and got a little "irate" at another driver.  Well as soon as we got home and took off my jacket she grabbed me, stood me in front of her and began unbuttoning my jeans.  When I protested as to why she was doing this she reminded me of the "road rage" incident.  I complained that me expressing an opinion about my fellow drivers was hardly road rage. Nonetheless, she informed me that I should show more patience and restraint while driving.  So soon my jeans were at my ankles and she started leading my over to a corner of the living room and I hobbled along, pants at my ankles restraining my movement.  I felt so ridiculous.  She pushed me into a corner and as soon as I was in the corner she pulled my briefs all the way down to my ankles and left me there for nearly 2 hours.  She finally called me out of the corner and ordered me over to the couch where she was sitting.  I shuffles over to her, pants and undies still at my ankles and when I got there she gently guided me over her lap.  She placed her hand on my bottom and then spread my cheeks wide.  I shivered as I felt the cool air brush across my exposed bottom hole.  She kept my cheeks spread for a minute or two and I trembled at the exposure.  Eventually she released my cheeks and after a few more minutes of being over her lap she stood me up and told me I could get dressed.

It has been a very confusing month.  So while I have not been spanked, I have been walking around totally on edge never knowing what little slip up can cause my pants and underpants to be pulled down and then be placed in one of several vulnerable positions that she has had me in.  Also, there has been no sex this month at all and while it seems like my wife is baring my bottom and as a consequence, exposing my penis and testicles to her frequently, I have not seen my wife naked or touched her in just about a month.  As a result I am not sure how to think of her anymore.  Oh she is still my wife, but it is clear to me she is denying me access to her body while she is constantly exposing me and humiliating me for the slightest offense.  I almost wish we would go back to the way things were.  Having to deal with the occasional painful and humiliating spanking was bearable when they were few and far between but these frequent "warnings" at the slightest misstep are becoming very stressful.

Now I saved the worst, but not the last incident, as the last one I will discuss.  It was last weekend and Sarah, who I have spoken about often on here, was due to come over to meet my wife and they were planning on going out Christmas shopping.  My wife was asking about some gift ideas for my mother and wanted to know if I wanted her to pick something up for us to give my mother.  Now I don't know why I did what I did.  There has been a lot of stress at work as we try to close out the year, but I know that should have nothing to do with my wife or mother.

Anyway, I actually just replied that "I don't F***ING know what to get my mother!."

As soon as those words left my lips I knew I was wrong and immediately apologized.  My wife replied, "Well, I am glad you realized that there is no call for that kind of response to s simple question.  Especially since I know you have a lot going on and I am trying to help you out by picking something up for us to give your mother."

"I know, I am sorry.  I don't know why I said that."

My wife just shook her head and said, "Well, as you know we are in this strict warning period, so I will not spank you for something you immediately recognize as a mistake, but you know we need to bare that naughty bottom of yours as a warning,

I swallowed hard and began shaking.  I remembered that day that I posted about in 'A Shot Across the Bow' and remembered how freaked out I got standing around in my underpants in the living room thinking she was going to let Sarah see me in my underpants.  Lately, it had been bare bottomed or even completely naked.  I assumed she was going to either make me bend over the couch or stand in the corner with my bare bottom on display until Sarah arrived.  Like the last time I figured she would allow me to run upstairs at the last moment and get dressed.  Instead of pulling my pants down right there in the living-room she ordered me up to the guest room.  I breathed a sigh of relief.

When we got to the guest room it was the same as before.  I was ordered to strip to my underpants and lay over three pillows she stacked in the middle of the bed.  So once again I was butt up over the three pillows.  She then pulled my briefs down, but this time she left them at my ankles.

She then said, "You are to remain like that until I tell you to move.  You are not to turn around or look away from that wall.  If you do, you will be spanked.", she paused for a second and then very sternly asked, "Is that clear?"

I meekly replied yes.  I then heard her walking downstairs.  About an hour later I heard the door bell ring and I heard Sarah come into the house.  About a half hour later after that I heard someone coming up the stairs.  I assumed it to be my wife.  I heard her come into the room but she did not say anything.  I laid there heart pounding in my chest not sure who was behind me.  I felt so helpless and vulnerable.

I quietly asked, "Honey is that you?" but I got no reply.  I was really trembling now.  A horrible thought filled my mind, I thought, Oh my God, its Sarah.  She actually allowed Sarah to come up and see me laid out helpless and exposed like this.  I became aware that the position I was in left my butt cheeks slightly spread and I clenched in reflex at the thought that she was behind me staring at my unprotected bottom.  I also realized that since my undies were at my ankles, not only was she witnessing my bare bottom but the tighty whities clinging helplessly to my ankles.  I know it sounds stupid, but for some reason having them clinging to my ankles like that was worse than if they were taken completely off.

Again I quietly asked, "Honey, is that you?"  Again I received no reply and again I figured that was proof that it was Sarah.  A part of me wanted to turn around and confirm my worst nightmare but I remembered the warning my wife gave me if I was to turn around.  I would be spanked and if I was to be spanked, Sarah would get to see it.  I could not believe my wife would do this to me for such a tiny little slip up, which I immediately apologized for.  As I became overwhelmed with emotion I began to cry.  Soon I was softly sobbing and tears began to stream down my cheeks.

As the tears began to flow freely and I fought to keep my sobs quiet I finally heard a voice behind me, "OK Honey," my wife's voice quietly spoke finally.  I felt a wave of relief spread over my entire body  and I took a deep breath in relief to clear my head and felt the strangest sensation spread out from my bottom hole and shoot out down my legs and across my body.  It was really weird.

She told me her and Sarah were leaving now.  That I was allowed to pull up my underpants and put on a t-shirt, but I was not to put pants back on until she returned.  I was free to move about the house as I desired, but that Sarah would be coming back to the house when they were done.  She turned to leave and I immediately grabbed my underpants and pulled them up and had a t-shirt on before their car had even backed out the driveway.  I quickly went downstairs to get something to eat, but had half an ear on the door and was prepared to run back up the stairs at a moments notice.    I ended up spending most of the day upstairs and when my wife and Sarah finally returned several hours later I was safely upstairs.  My wife came up looked at me in my t-shirt and undies and told me I could get completely dressed and come downstairs if I wanted to.  To tell you the truth.  I did not want to so I just got dressed and stayed upstairs until Sarah left about a half hour later.

There have been 2 other incidents since this one, all similar, but I think by now you get the idea of the hell I have been going through.  Now I will have to see what the new year brings, hopefully it will be a spank free year, but I do not know if these bare bottom warning session will continue or not.  I actually find them worse than the spankings, which hurt more of course, but they were less frequent.  These bare bottom sessions are happening so frequently that they are effecting my thoughts 24 x 7.  This is definitely a significant change in our relationship.  I only hope it end soon.

Wait Till I Get You Home.

Well, like I said in my last post, it has been quiet.  Almost too quiet.  I have received no threats, no warning since my last spanking.  In some ways it makes me nervous.  I almost want to ask her out and out, Am I still subject to being spanked?

In some ways, I feel the same way I did when I was 12.  It had been a long time since I had been spanked at that age and I came to the conclusion that I was "too old" to be spanked.  My mother did not threaten to spank me or warn me that I would get a spanking if I did so and so, but alas, one day when I misbehaved (mouthed off to her actually) I quickly found myself pants and briefs down over my mother's knee being spanked just like I was still a little boy.  It happened without warning and suddenly it was like the spankings never really stopped.  Of course I know now that the spanking at 12 was to be my last (well at least from my mother) but all through my teenage years I still felt that I could still be spanked without warning if my behavior so warranted it.  I have no doubts that my mother would have bared my bottom at 14, 15, 16, 17 or even 18 if I acted immature or childish and "earned" a spanking.  I was spared a spanking at those ages not because I was "too old" but simply because I "got it" and grew out of the childish behaviors that earned me those spankings.

That is exactly how I feel now.  I must be behaving right so I am not getting spanked, but I would be a fool to believe that the spankings have ended for good.  I am sure that if I cross the line again, I will find myself bare bottom over my wife's knee being spanked just as if they never stopped.  In some ways, when I find myself being spanked by my wife, it is as if my spankings from childhood never stopped, just a change in who is doing the spanking.

Now since I have no new stories to share with everyone, I promised to share a incident that happened when we were still relatively newly weds.  The actual spanking itself was not particularly memorable, but what makes this blog worthy is the fact that I was told I was going to be spanked long before I was actually spanked.

We were at her parents house for a 4th of July BBQ (I know its not really a BBQ if we are grilling, but that's what we call it anyway)  There were many members of her family there, brothers, uncles, aunts, cousins, as well as some children of various ages.  So while I knew everyone there, they were still relative strangers to me.  Oh sure I was related by marriage to them all, but they were still strangers to me.   Anyway, it happened so long ago I don't remember the details, but I will make them up to make for a more interesting story, but the basic story is true.

As is typical with a gathering like this, people start talking, relaxing and often begin discussing controversial topics like politics.   At some point, I was discussing some topic with one of my wife's cousins and as the conversation became more "spirited" I began to find I was "accidentally" inserting superfluous adjectives and adverbs that many people would find crude and offensive.  I think you know that kinds of words I am talking about, especially the one that start with F.

I meant no offense by it, but of course I now know my wife's family is very restrained in the use of such words and they consider it a mark of an uneducated person and one who lacks respect for others.  The worst part of it was some of the children had heard me using the words.  The real little ones were not paying attention, but some of the older children knew these words and had suffered punishment as a result of using them.  They were not used to hearing these words coming out of the mouths of adults in their family so I was a source of confusion to them.  Was I part of the family or was I one of those rude and inconsiderate adults they have heard about.

Anyway, apparently my mother in law spoke to my wife and my wife came over to me and asked to "see me for a second."  She then explained how she was embarrassed about my language, that her family did not appreciate the use of that language and how I should be especially ashamed of myself talking that way in front of all the children.  She told me how if the children used that language they would be punished for it ,without stating what exactly that punishment would be.  Well, I admit I was embarrassed and realized I should have shown restraint.  Even though I had already been spanked by her at this point, I was still not clued in on cause and effect.  I don't know what I was thinking, she was right about this of course.  I should respect the rules of her family and be respectful of the example her family wanted to set for their children.  I guess I did not want to admit that I screwed up, so I downplayed what I did and started arguing that it was no big deal, they should lighten up, I am sure the kids have heard worse, etc, etc.

That did it, she looked at me and simply said, "I don't believe this!  Well when we get home I am going to pull your pants and briefs down to bare your bottom take you over my knee and spank your naughty backside with my hairbrush."

I was dumbstruck.  Like I said, this was not my first spanking, but she was so precise in her description of what would happen when we got home that the image of her doing it quickly shot thought my mind.  I played the image out in my mind and knew what would happen when we got home.  She quickly walked back to the rest of the family and I never even got the opportunity to protest without being in ear shot of other family members.

The rest of the evening went on without another incident, but I became very quiet and sullen as the rest of the family enjoyed their evening.  Every time I looked over a saw my wife talking with someone I swore she was apologizing for my behavior and promising that I would be dealt with when we returned home.  I felt a tingling in my bottom every time some one looked at me as if they knew what was going to happen to me.  The children would become quiet when they came near me.  It was as if they knew I was going to be spanked.  It was typical of the way a child behaves around a naughty child for fear that they will somehow absorb the punishment from that child.  I am sure it was simply them being quiet around the man who was using all those bad words.  Nonetheless, it made me feel very uncomfortable and self conscious the rest of the night.

At one point during the day I heard a little girl yelp and looked over and saw a little boy perhaps around 8 or 9 had pulled the hair of one of the little girls.  I saw his mother get up and as she started to walk towards his I could see that look on his face that he knew what he did was wrong.  His mother grabbed his arm and walked him to the edge of the yard away from the other kids.  She stood him in front of her and bent over to speak directly to him.  I watched as he looked down at his feet and clutched his hands to his sides and his mother obviously scolded him for what he did. After a few seconds he nodded in acknowledgement of what was said to him and his mother stood up and walked back to her seat.  He slowly walked back behind her and you could clearly see the look of embarrassment on his face.

As I thought about my own pending spanking I could not help but project myself onto that little boy and how he must have felt.  It was like I was feeling now, but then I think I quickly realized that he was probably not going to be spanked for what he did.  These were different times and children are not spanked as often as they used to be.  Now don't get me wrong, I had no desire to have that boy spanked, but it did send a shiver up my spine as the contrast came to me.  Here was clearly a naughty little boy and his mother spoke with him, pointed out his mistake, he was sorry for it and while he remained a little embarrassed at his slip up and scolding ,that was it,  He was done.  He was not going to have to bare his backside, go over his mother's knee of feel the sting of the hairbrush.  As I tossed this thought through my head I was starting to feel really depressed.  I thought about how I was going to be spanked like a little boy, bare bottom, over my wife's knee when I got home and the thought that I was being treated, like a child, kept rolling around in my head.  I felt like a child, but in a way I wasn't because real children were not even punished like that anymore.  I had to sit there feeling like a little boy knowing I had a bare bottom spanking waiting for me when I got home, while all around me, real little boys were just enjoying the BBQ and playing with each other while there was no threat at all to their bottoms, only mine.  It really bothered me and I felt butterflies turn over in my stomach every time I thought about the pending spanking.

Now of course when I was a child spankings were very frequent punishments for little boys.  I have certainly spent more than my fair share of time over my mother's knees.  I also recalled going to a family picnic.  We had an aunt and her house was about two blocks from a rail road track.  I was about 10 and one of my distant cousins was there, he was about 8.  We were playing in the yard and heard the whistle of the freight train in the distance.  I suggested we go down and watch the train go by.  He hesitated while I ran down to the tracks, but he eventually followed me.  We watched as the train rolled past and when the long train had finally passed we walked back to the house.  On the way back, his mother yelled at him, "You know you are not allowed down by those train tracks", grabbed him by the arm and dragged him back to the house leaving me standing there feeling guilty.

I arrived back at the house and went looking for him and as I walked around inside, I heard him crying from upstairs and heard the slaps of what sounded like a belt.  The slapping stopped and eventually the crying slowed down.  I heard a door open and my aunt say to him, "When you are ready you can pull your pants up and come downstairs"  I panicked and ran out of the house into the yard and tried to pretend that I did not hear what i just heard.  The rest of the night I kept expecting my mother to come get me and punish me for leading my cousin astray or perhaps I would be dealt with when we got home.  Neither one of those happened and to this day I still have guilt over the spanking I caused my cousin to get, but I rationalized it as I was never told to stay away from the tracks.  If he was told not to go down there and he went, that was his fault not mine and he got what he deserved.

Anyway, I had the whole rest of the evening to have all kinds of thought and memories like this flowing through my head all night.  We eventually left and when we got home, I was almost immediately told to wait in the living room while my wife retrieved the hairbrush.  The spanking went like most spankings go, pants down, briefs down, over the knee.  Afterwards I was told to go right to bed, so I went to bed by myself and I was asleep before my wife came to bed.  This was not a particularly long or hard spanking and there was nothing memorable about the spanking itself, but the lead up and dreading about it all night caused all kinds of thoughts, images and feelings to surface and that is what made this spanking note worthy.

All Quiet On The Western Front

Well it has been a few weeks since my "controversial" trip to the doctors where I chose to wear boxers instead of my usual briefs.  It was the clear consensus of people who took the time to comment that I should have "manned up" and wore the briefs and was the implied preference of my wife.  Nonetheless, there has been no inquiry or consequences as a result of my decision and it seems that I have survived this latest battle.

I do realize however, that the war is not over.  Although I have not been spanked since the last spanking I wrote about I do still feel the possibility of me being spanked again is very real and unfortunately inevitable.  I do not know when I will slip up again and I am doing my best not to, but deep down I recognize my human weakness and dread the day when I once again find myself over my wife's knees feeling the sting of her hairbrush which remains her favorite implement.  Oh sure I have felt her hand and certainly the belt , but the vast majority of the spankings I have received have been the hairbrush.

Sarah was over the other day and that visit went without any incident or tension at all.  In some ways it has been very strange.  If I were to look at just these last few weeks I could come to the conclusion that I was never spanked and just led a normal healthy marriage.  The only real reminder I get of my situation comes every morning when I get dresses and put on a clean pair of tighty whities when I come out of the shower.  I briefly (pun intended) look at myself in the mirror and am reminded that I am putting them on solely at my wife's demand and that I do not get a choice in underpants.  Other than that reminder there are no threats, warnings or admonishments to "be good or else" and certainly no spanking to speak of.

In some ways, a part of me wants to think that perhaps my wife has simply given up and decided that for what ever reason, she no longer feels that spanking me is necessary or productive.  I would really like to think that is the case.  Of course the rational part of me recognizes that I have gone longer periods of time without a spanking and there is no reason to believe that the spankings have stopped for good.  I guess I have just been a "good little boy" and not provided a valid reason for my wife to spank me.  Like I said before, she does not look for menial excuses to spank me.  I would not say that I felt I deserved every spanking I got, but at least I see cause and effect.

For those who take an interest in reading about my spankings, I apologize for not having anything new to speak of.  Of course I could always write about a past spanking experience, but compared to the ones I already wrote about I don't have one that stands out or has an interesting twist to it like the ones I already wrote about.  Well, maybe there is one more story I should relate.  I did get spanked once after get together with her family shortly after we were married.  The spanking was done if private when we got home, but she informed me that I would be spanked while we were still there.  That led to some awkward feelings before we left and some strange feeling after I was actually spanked.  Perhaps I will share the details of that story in the next few days unless I have the unfortunate opportunity to write about a new incident.

"Undress to your underpants and put on this gown..."

Well, today was the day of my annual physical.  Of course many of you who were following my blog know that I had every intention of wearing boxers to my physical in spite of the implied implication that since I was spanked I would be required to wear briefs to my physical.

First off, for the record.  If you read my post "Boxes and Boxers" you will note that it was my wife who made the statement that if I was not spanked before my next physical I could wear boxers, but if she did spank me she would make me wear briefs.  Well at no point did I every agree to this.  In fact I even made the comment that if I were to be spank free I could wear boxers without having to hide the fact from her.  That did not happen.

So to those who said I made an agreement and should be a man and keep my word, I must point out that I gave no word.  I simply acknowledged what my wife's plans were but I never accepted the challenge.  To those who simply feel that I must submit to my wife at all costs, I get what you are saying, but like I said before.  I would rather take a private spanking and accept the consequences rather than have to show up at the doctor's wearing those stupid tighty whities.  I know, many of you feel I am making a big deal out of nothing, but I feel the way I feel.  I can't help but feel self conscience in the briefs, but it is an emotional issue and not an intellectual decision.

At no point prior to my appointment did my wife "remind"  me of her threat to force me to wear briefs to my next appointment.  She had left before I left for the morning having remained silent on the issue.  So yes, I wore boxers.  I arrived home before her having left early to make my appointment and by the time she came home I had already changed into briefs.

I don't know why she remained silent on this, perhaps her incentive to correct my behavior failed and she wanted to conveniently forget to avoid the conflict.  Perhaps she legitimately forgot.  Either way I got to wear my boxers to the appointment.

Now, if she were to suddenly remember and ask me what I wore, I think at this point I would admit to wearing the boxers.  I really don't think she would spank me for wearing them, but even if she did, I am still better off being spanked in private rather than wearing the briefs.

For those who were hoping I would finally be forced to wear the briefs to my doctor's appointment, sorry that I don't have a story to share about how embarrassed I was sitting on the crinkly paper in my tighty whities while the nurse remarked that my pulse and blood pressure seemed to be a little high.  

I don't know what is going to happen next, but it looks like I won this round.

Boxer Backlash

First off, I really want to thank everyone for commenting as it helps me think through all this.  My last post seemed to generate a lot of comments on my admission that I plan to wear boxers at my upcoming physical exam.  Since the majority of the comments were the same I thought I would respond to them in general rather than individually.  Sorry for not responding to each one, but I thought this would be more efficient.  Should you wish to further comment, please do and I will respond individually as appropriate.

First off, let me reiterate my side of the story.  While I maintain that I do not consent to or desire being spanked, I can reluctantly acknowledge that I can sometimes be a bit of a jerk and 90% of the time I can understand what behavior led me to being spanked.  Again, understanding is not acceptance in the true sense of the word. but I find submitting to a spanking easier than doing what it would take to stop them once and for all, i.e. leave my wife.

Now, regarding my underwear choice.  First, I don't mean to be disrespectful, but I really don't care what kind of underwear you wear.  I don't care if your wife makes you wear panties, thongs, jockstraps or whatever.  I am sorry if you feel my wife should make me wear panties, get over it.  This is not about you and your fantasies.  This is about me and my wife.

Talking nasty to my wife, failing to meet my commitments, being rude to guests, I get it, it is bad behavior.  My wife chooses to spank me for that kind of behavior and that is just the way it is.  I get that.  My underwear choice?  That is by no stretch of the imagination bad behavior.  That is her imposing an unfair restriction on me that serves no purpose except to make me feel uncomfortable. I know you all feel I am making a big deal out of this and I should just get over it, but a personal preference for one style of underwear over another is not bad behavior.  Now, because she is my wife, I accepted her personal preference and have worn the briefs in deference to her preference, but I don't see any reason whatsoever to have to wear them where others can see them.  If I wear boxers once a year to the doctors, that is not bad behavior and I will not be forced to do something like that.  I have reluctantly accepted the spankings and the briefs so long as they remain a private matter between my wife and I.

I know you are all hoping that my wife finds out and punishes me for it, but I don't see how she will find out.  I am alone in the exam room with the doctor and/or nurse and they are professionals and will not talk about what happens in the exam room without my permission.  It is as simple as that.  So I will be wearing my boxers to the exam and  I know I will get away with it, so that is that.

Now, why should I have to wear briefs just because my wife says so.  She prefers plain white panties and I have never questioned her choice because unlike her, I feel she should be allowed to wear what makes her comfortable.  What if I were to tell her I want her to only wear a purple thong?  Do you think she should wear it just because I told her that is what I want her to wear?  If she chose to wear one to please me that would be her decision, but if she then said she was going to wear plain white panties to the doctor, than that would be the end of the discussion.

I feel the same way about this and I feel very strongly about it.  In fact I feel so strongly about it that I am even willing to risk a private spanking (though I am confident I will go undetected) if it means I get to wear boxers to my physical.  My mind is made up.  As for speculation about having to wear panties or something more embarrassing, I am not going to consider those hypothetical questions.  I have enough trouble just dealing with my briefs.

Anyway, I hope I did not come across as rude, but this is an issue I feel very passionate about.  I just wanted to make my thoughts and position clear.  Thanks.

Yes, I am still here. Yes, I am still spanked

First off.  I wanted to apologize for not writing sooner.   As there were a lot of questions about he relationship between my wife and I, I wrote a hypothetical interview with my wife where I answered certain questions based on the things she has said to me, told me or that I inferred over the years.

Let's just say that while I hope everyone found the post helpful in understanding the dynamics between myself and my wife, I found the post very emotional.  As I read and re-read what I wrote and reflect on the reality that it represents I find myself confused about what it all means.

It is clear that the only way I can end the spankings is to leave my wife.  I want the spankings to end, but I don't want to leave my wife.  In theory, the spankings will end if my behavior improves once and for all, but no matter how hard I try I always seem to screw up.

Yes, I did get spanked since my last post.  It was a quick and brief spanking for yelling at my wife.  I am human I get angry.  I know it was wrong to yell at my wife.  If we were to simply talk through our differences she would listen and respect what I had to say, but the second I started to get nasty and mean with her, my pants came down and well, I guess you know the rest.  I was angry so it took a little while for the tears to flow, but she continued to spank me until I started crying.   I don't think the spankings will every end.

Now, the appointment has been made for my annual physical.  It will take place after work on the 16th of this month.  She never mentioned forcing me to wear briefs, but I have made up my mind that I will be wearing boxers.  I have even planned to sneak a pair in my jacket if necessary and will change into them when I am left alone to undress for my physical.

If my wife is going to continue to spank me and make me wear briefs than the least I can do is hold out as long as possible to keep this all a secret.  While I have been unsuccessful in keeping myself spank free at least for now they remain a private affair.  I still hope that I can keep Sarah from finding out and make sure no matter what I don't give my wife the slightest excuse to spank me in front of Sarah.

Sorry for the quick and simple post, I have been too emotional to write in more detail, but I will try to keep everyone updated.  Also, I replied back to the comments you have been generous enough to make.  Thanks.

He Said, She Said.

First off, I would like to thank everyone who has commented, and I have tried to reply to most of them, with the exception of the last few exchanges where I was not sure I had anything to add to the conversation yet.  As I read all the comments I realized that I may have given the impression that my wife and I never talk.  That is not really true.  Yes, I find some subjects more difficult talking about than others, but over the years of our marriage my wife and I have discussed a lot of things.

A lot of the people who have commented on my blog have speculated about what my wife would have to say about our marriage?  Well unless she has a blog of her own out there, we really can't say with 100% certainty how she would answer some of the questions that I know many of you would like her to answer.

Well, the more I thought about this, the more I realized that after years of hearing her side of the story and hearing her lectures and explanations, I could probably conduct a theoretical interview with her and I bet you her answers would match mine to about 95% accuracy.  Many of the answers below are things she has told me over the years, explanations she has offered and conversations we have had.  I just never had a chance to work everything we have discussed into one of my stories.

So in the interest of offering both sides of the story, I offer you the following theoretical interview.  Note again, that while I am extremely confident these would be her answers, they are really my understanding of how she would answer the questions based on what she has said to me in the past. So while this is not an actual interview, many of the responses here are the actual answers she has given to me in the past to similar questions.

 Also note that since I am answering these questions based on how I think she would answer, I do not agree with all the answers here.

I hope that by doing this exercise I can provide a more complete picture of what is happening in our lives.

Do you love your husband?

Yes of course I do.

Then why do you spank him?

Because sometimes he acts like a jerk.  He hates being spanked, but it helps him to be a better person.

Why spanking?

Because it works.  It invokes the proper feelings both positive and negative.  It triggers emotions from his childhood when he was more receptive to changing his behavior.  It suppresses his macho attitude that leads him to trouble and humbles him to be more receptive to advice.  He regresses a little but that regression gives him the chance to learn again and be less set in his ways.

Where did you get the idea to spank him?

We shared stories from our childhood and how our parents raised us.  I can tell by the way he described his spankings from his mother that they worked for him and made him a better person.  I tried other methods with some success, but this really seems to work.

What gives you the right to spank him?

As his wife, it is my responsibility to make him the best person he can be.  If the spankings help him correct unwanted behavior, it is my duty to spank him.

How about your behavior?  Why can't he spank you?

First of all, I don't need to be spanked and second of all, it would not work on me the way it works on him.

If you "needed to be spanked" do you agree that your husband would have the right to do it?

If I needed to be spanked, which I don't, and if a spanking was the most effective way to get me to behave the way I should behave.  If all those conditions were met, then yes, my husband would have the right to spank me.

What do you mean you don't need to be spanked?

When my husband offers me advice on how I can improve myself and be a better wife and a better person I accept that advice.   Sometimes, I offer him advice and he accepts it, but all too often, he gets stubborn and refuses to see the mistakes he has made.  That is when he gets spanked.

So are you saying you are better than your husband?

Not really, I make lots of mistakes and so does he.  We are human.  But I am constantly trying to improve myself knowing I will never be perfect.  All to often my husband will fail to acknowledge his mistakes.  I use spankings to help motivate him when he is not self motivated.   This does not make me better, I just am helping overcome his weakness.  He helps me overcome my weaknesses, but that does not involve the need for me to be spanked.

Have you ever spanked him in anger?

Well, once (see the New Year's Eve  Story)  He deserved to be spanked and I have no regrets in spanking him.  I just wish I had sent him to the guest room and waited until I was no longer angry before I spanked him.  Otherwise I am not angry when I spank him.

There are many people out there who get "turned on" by this.  Are you "turned on" by spanking your husband?

No, in fact, for a few days after spanking him I usually have little interest in sex.  He thinks it is part of his punishment, but for me I just need a few days to put the spanking out of my mind.

Do you think this helps or hurts your marriage?

I think having a husband who is a jerk would do more damage to our marriage than me spanking him does.

So do you admit it harms the marriage?

It definitely creates tension and stress, but what marriage doesn't have that?  If spanking him avoids bigger issues from developing, the good coming from it outweighs any negatives.

Do you consider what you are doing as abuse?

If I was doing what I was doing for my satisfaction than yes, it would be abuse.  I am doing what I am doing to help him improve.  I know he does not agree that this is the best way to address his short comings, but it works and he will just have to accept it.

Does it matter that he does not consent to be spanked?

No one ever consents to being punished.  This is indeed punishment.  It is firm, painful and humbling but I do not beat him for my pleasure.  I expect him to suffer the consequences of his actions for the sake of our marriage.

What would you do if your husband reported you to the police?

I do not think he would do that.  I think he would leave me before he would do that, but if he did, I would have no choice but to explain myself in a court of law and accept the judgement of a jury of my peers.

Are you afraid your husband will leave you?

I try to be fair and reasonable, so I do not think he would leave me, but if it came to that, I would accept that as a sign that he is simply no longer willing to work to improve his behavior and therefore, just as well.

Your husband feels his penis is too small.  How do you feel about it?

Well, we have had this conversation and I have been upfront and honest with him about it.  His penis is below average, but it has been hard for me to convince him that sex is in the mind and not his groin.  I enjoy sex with him because I love him.  He can bring we to climax and he can physically satisfy me.  I know he thinks I am just being nice when I say I am more concerned about the size of his heart than the size of his penis.  Maybe I should have lied when I admitted it looked small to me.  I knew what size it was before I married him.  I know it is cliche to say size does not matter, but the truth is, for me, I care more about the man it is attached to then its size.  I am sure there are things about me that fail to meet the specs of his dream woman, but hey, who here is a perfect physical specimen.    I know it bothers him, I know he feels self conscious about it, but it doesn't bother me.

Why do you make your husband wear briefs?

Because they are cheaper and easier to bleach.  For me underwear is a functional item.  I wear plain white panties myself, so there is no double standard here.  It should not be a fashion statement.  I don't know who he plans on showing his underwear to that he is worried about who sees them.

What about the doctor?

Well, at first I thought he was being silly, but I did admit that was probably the one place where someone would see his underpants, so I did agree to allow him to wear his boxers to the doctor's office.  I was hoping that would motivate him to change his behavior once and for all, but unfortunately, I still had to spank him just recently.

So are you going to make him wear briefs to his next appointment?

Well, we will just have to see what happens.

What about Sarah?  Would you really spank your husband in front of Sarah?

There have been several times in the past when he has been a real jerk when she was over visiting.  I am embarrassed for him and tired of defending him from Sarah's complaints.  He is my husband and I see his good sides, but when he acts like such a jerk with Sarah she sees only the jerk.  I have been very strict with him regarding his behavior towards her and it seems to be helping.  I want that to continue so he needs to know that I am not bluffing.  If he acts like I jerk to her again I will spank him in front of Sarah.

Do you want to spank him in front of Sarah? 

Absolutely not, but I will do what I have to do.  I know he is terrified of being spanked in front of her and I sincerely hope that is enough to keep him from going back to his old ways.

Does Sarah know you spank your husband?

No.

How do you think she will react?

I have know Sarah longer than I have known my husband.  Our friendship goes all the way back to junior high.  I honestly do not know how she will react.  I am sure she will be shocked, but I know she will support me and we will have a long talk afterwards.  I know she will be discreet and sensitive with this knowledge if I ever comes to that.

What if he refuses to be spanked in front of her?

If I make the decision he is to be spanked in front of her, it will happen.

How can you be so sure?

Because, and I have discussed this with him already.  He knows what behavior will cause me to make this decision.  If he does not want to be spanked in front of Sarah, then he simply has to act civilized when she is here.  We are not talking about me looking for the slightest slip up before I pounce.  He knows the behavior I am talking about.  It is consistent and ongoing.  He ignores warnings and requests to change.  I have seen it before and he has been spanked for it after she left.  He knows exactly what I am talking about.  If he acts that way again I will spank him then and there with Sarah watching.  He will have no one to blame but himself.

Because of this,  deep down he will know he is wrong.  He may plea and beg, but in his heart of hearts he will know he was wrong.  He does not want to be a jerk and the guilt will ultimately lead him to submit.

But what if he surprises you and really refuses?  What if he runs out of the house?  What if he locks himself in the bathroom?

We have never discussed this, but I think he knows the answer.  I made it clear before we even got married.  We either address his behavior with methods that get results or we need to worry about the long term viability of our marriage.

What if Sarah refuses to stay and watch?  What if she excuses herself and leaves?

That is her choice.  He will be spanked then and there.  If she chooses to leave, than so be it.

Last question.  Do you ever see the spankings stopping?

Yes, they will stop when his behavior improves permanently or when they no longer seem to work.  I can certainly make the spankings more severe, to a point, but there is a limit to how severe a spanking I will give.    If they ever stop working and his behavior becomes unbearable, then that might be worse for our marriage than the spankings.  Personally, I hope his behavior improves before the spankings become ineffective.

The Pain is Gone, But the Memories Go On.

Certainly this last spanking I received has been one of the physically worst spankings I have every received but also a very emotionally draining one as well.  It has forced me to face a few thoughts all of which have left me very uncomfortable.

First off, while reading some of your comments has been very difficult, please don't feel guilty for telling me what you believe is the truth even if it is difficult for me to accept or agree with.  many of you have been supportive and encouraging and some of you have been very candid and upfront in you assessment of my situation.  I appreciate all of the comments, the ones that make me feel better as well as the ones that leave me squirming uncomfortably.

The first though that comes to me is that I have no real choice but to accept the fact that I will be spanked for as long as I am married to this woman.  I do continue to believe that I can improve my behavior so that these spankings are few and far between and perhaps less severe, but I am only human and know that I will slip up and that there will be more spankings in my future.  I can live with that so long as they continue to be fair and reasonable.

Second, there have been some thoughts and comments that have left me very uncomfortable and I was at first very reluctant to write about them.  I have already written about how I terrified that one day I will be spanked in front of Sarah.  Of all the things I am afraid of the thought that sooner of later I will be spanked in front of her terrifies me to no end.  It seems a real possibility and I have laid awake some nights worrying about it.  This last incident however has raised a new disturbing thought in my head.  Some have teased me about how this man I offended should have been invited to watch my spanking.  I also have been reliving the time I had on the phone with him, hearing his voice on the phone while I was naked from the waist down cupping my tiny penis in my hand.  I imagine him staring at me and laughing at the site of a recently spanked half naked man having to stand there and apologize to him.  I have found the thoughts very disturbing.

Up until this point I never even considered the fact that my would spank me in front of someone else and if she did that person would be Sarah.  Now I have something new to worry about.  Given the numerous warnings I have gotten about being spanked in front of Sarah, to me it is clear that sooner or later it is going to happen.  Many on here try to reassure me that it will not be the end of the world.  I am not convinced and it remains my number 1 fear.  While thinking about it terrifies me, when I think about being spanked in front of Sarah vs. being spanked in front of someone else, I find the thought of being spanked in front of another man to be a 100 times worse than being spanked in front of Sarah.  I can not imagine even imagine it and hope that idea only exists in the minds of some of my blog readers.  Luckily I have seen no hints that my wife would consider spanking my in front of another man.  While she has threatened it, I still think she is reluctant to spank me in front of Sarah.

Finally, I am a very shy person.  Hence all these thoughts about being spanked in front of others really bothers me.  I unfortunately must face another reality that is more imminent.  While my wife and I have discussed this before, we have not discussed this since my last spanking.  I would presume that for my upcoming physical exam in October, my wife will expect me to wear my briefs instead of my boxers.  I know you all think I am being ridiculous, but for me this is really a big deal.  She previously threatened to make sure I had on my briefs and to even drive me to my physical.  I don't know why this is so important to her.  It is very important to me.  I am not wearing briefs to my next physical.  Period.  If she is serious about making sure I am wearing briefs and drives me, then so be it.  I will sneak a pair of boxers in my pocket and when I am left alone to "undress" I will simply put the boxers on.  She will never know.  So I will take consolation that this will be one battle she will not win.

On that note, I will conclude by saying that there actually is one more thing.  I will reserve it for the next post.  I normally do not write about the sexual relations between my wife and I, but since this last spanking my wife and I have not been having a normal sex life.  I usually have to go about a week of so after a spanking before we get intimate again, but this time it has been almost a month since we have done it.   After this spanking, my wife went 3 weeks before initiating anything, but I found that as we were beginning to get into it, memories of the spanking, the humiliation, the being treated like a child all prevented me from becoming aroused.  It led to some very interesting conversation, but I will save that for the next post.  Hopefully by then I can report that I have since overcome those challenges and everything is back to normal.

After the Fall

So I laid there on the guest bed my backside burning and the tears and sobbing slowing, but still continuing.  I was in total disbelief and what had happened, both in the fact that I got spanked for such a trivial offense and for the severity of that spanking.  Also, laying in the guest bedroom it was clear that my wife and I had not yet made up.  I realized that there might be a night or two that I would have to spend in the guest bedroom before things got back to normal.

As the crying finally subsided, I became aware of the fact that I really needed to pee.  I rolled over on to my side and curled up slightly and cupped my penis in my hands as if that would somehow make the urge to go disappear.  I looked down and became aware of how pathetic I looked.  Here I was naked from the waist down wearing only a t-shirt.  In someways, having my shirt on was worse than being naked completely.  It somehow reminded me that I was not undress for a bath or for sex, but I was being punished.  Yes, the spanking may be over, but I was still being punished.  I had been warned not to get out of bed and in spite of the strong urge to pee, I dared not get out of bed.  So I laid there trying not to think of the pressure building in my bladder. 

I hated myself for letting this happen.  I still could not believe my wife had spanked me, overpowered me and forced me over her lap like a child and spanked me till I was crying uncontrollably.  I did not hate my wife, although I was angry with her, but hated myself for allowing this to happen or at least not being strong enough to stop it.  I felt like such a helpless child and I hated myself for not being a man. 

I became aware of the tiny shriveled penis in my hands.  It was so small, barely a nub.  I wish I had the courage to take a picture of it as I am sure no one would believe how small and tiny it gets when I am frightened and scared like this.  I rubbed it slightly trying to get it to grow a little, but I was in no mood to get it to grown even a tiny bit.  I looked down and cursed myself and my pathetic little penis.  I know that erect it is still below average, but at least it looks like a penis, even if it is a small one.  As if I did not feel enough like a man I didn't need my shriveled penis as a reminder of how pathetic I was. 

I laid there shivering and trembling unsure of how long it would be before my wife came back to check on me.  I laid there for about a half an hour before the door finally opened and my wife came in.  Before she even had a chance to say anything to me I looked at her with pleading eyes. 

"Honey, I really need to go to the bathroom.  Can I go to the bathroom?"

With no emotion in her voice she replied, "Use the hall bathroom."  implying that I was not to use the bathroom attached to our master bedroom.  At that point I did not care, I just really needed to pee.  

When I was done I started walking back to the guest bedroom.  My wife was standing in the doorway.  It was then that I noticed she had the hairbrush in her hands.  My heart nearly leaped out of my throat and I am so glad that I peed first or else I might have lost bladder control.  I felt my butt cheeks clench at the site, but was not convinced she intended to spank me again.  After all, how much trouble could I have gotten into just laying in the bed?  Surely the belt spanking she had given me had been sufficient.  I could still feel the heat of that spanking coming off my bottom and it still stung a little.

She saw my eyes glance at the hairbrush and I noticed her eyes glance at my groin, my hands still clutched protectively in front.  I slowed my pace as I got closer to her, unsure of what was going to happen.  

"Come on back in." she said when she saw me slowing my pace. 

As I got to the doorway mere inches from her she finally turned and walked into the room behind her.  I suddenly began shaking again as if I had suddenly been dumped in a bucket of ice water as it became clear to me that I was still in trouble.  She walked to the side of the bed and I stood there next to her not sure what I was supposed to do next.  She looked me up and down and she could probably see me trembling, not so much from the cold, but from fear and uncertainty.  Why did she have the hairbrush?  I trembled thinking that she intended to spank me again.  I looked down at my feet tying to avoid the site of her.  I took a deep breath and let it out slowly trying to compose myself and reassure myself that she was just here to lecture me and the hairbrush was merely a symbol of her authority.  

"Do you know why I had to spank you with the belt?" she asked, calmly. 

"Because I would not apologize to our guest."  I answered confidently.  

"Well, not exactly.  That would have gotten you a hairbrush spanking.  No, I had to tan your backside with the belt because of your defiance and refusal to both recognize the mistake you made and accepting the punishment for it.   You have no one to blame but yourself for this.  At every opportunity you had the chance to make the right choice and every time you made the wrong choice.  This is the most childish you have acted since we have been married and here I was thinking you were finally starting to show some maturity.  A man would have simply walked up to our guest and told him he meant no offense by the jokes he was telling.  That is all it would have taken.  That's it, that is all that needed to be done.  You refused convincing yourself you did nothing wrong.  Like a child you did not think that other peoples feelings mattered.  Like a spoiled little brat you could not care less what another human beings feelings were.  You refused to reach out compassionately to another person and say you were sorry.  You could not swallow your pride to make another person feel better.  What a childish attitude."

The words were starting to sting a little.  It was hard to argue with her.  I still feel I did nothing wrong, but the point she was making was valid.  What would have been the big deal to turn back the clock and simply speak with him.  As I stood there naked from the waist down in front of my wife feeling like a naughty little boy I finally started to get her point.  Why the hell didn't she make that point earlier?  The lecture continued. 

"So, you left me no choice but to spank you.  Then, you refused to accept your punishment, refused to pull your pants and underpants down and refused to submit to your spanking.  I gave you several opportunities to accept your punishment and you refused.  So I finally had to take matters into my own hand.  I hope now you realize that when I say you are to be spanked that means you are going to be spanked.  Refusing me will only make things worse as I hope you now realize."

I slowly nodded my head yes.  

"Now that it is clear what happened and why we are here, then I hope you realize that the belt spanking was for your defiance and refusal to accept responsibility."

Again I nodded yes.

"OK, then."  she sat down on the bed, "now get over my knee as you still have a hairbrush spanking coming for the refusal to apologize."

I couldn't believe what I just heard.  I didn't think I could take another spanking so soon.  I immediately began begging for mercy, "No please, please don't spank me again, I don't think I can take another spanking.  My backside is already on fire."

"Well, I am sorry, but you brought this on yourself.  Now are you going to come over here and get over my knee or do I need to go get the belt again"

"No, please honey.  I will do what you say, I am not refusing you, but please please don't spank me again."

Just writing this out again.  makes me so disgusted at myself.  There I was naked from the waist down my tiny little penis cupped protectively in my hands, my bottom still sore from the previous spanking and I was pleading with my wife not to spank me again.  I was shaking and trembling with fear.  I knew if I resisted she could overpower me and who knows what would happen.  How the hell did I get here.  Where did I go wrong.  So far at least I managed to hold back the crying but other than that I had no dignity left in me as a man.  I was no longer a man in any sense of the word.  I did not know what I was.

Up until now I never felt my wife invented excuses to spank me.  Now for the first time I felt she did.  For all I know this guy never even complained to my wife and was never offended.  I felt betrayed and then a very strange feeling came over me.  I stood there feeling like a powerless child very aware of the tiny shriveled penis cupped in my hands.  While reliving the days events when I though about this guy who caused all the problems I shivered as I thought of him and how he most likely had at least an average sized penis.  For a split second I imagined him laughing at the site of my tiny penis and became very uncomfortable with the thought.  The thought frightened me and I never would have thought my wife capable of cheating on me, but for a split second the thought entered my head as I thought of the other man comparing his penis to my tiny one.  Perhaps my wife spanked me not because she wanted to change my behavior but because I disappointed her as a man.  Certainly, the intensity of this spanking had my mind racing with all sorts of thoughts, not all of which I did dwell on, but this one was one of the stronger thoughts even if it did not last long.

I looked up at my wife.  I wanted to just come out and ask her.  My heart was pounding as the words formed in my head, but in the end, I just wimped out.  She had broken me and I had no fight left.

I began begging again, but slowly moved towards her lap.  "Please honey, don't spank me.  I learned my lesson.  The first spanking really hurt I don't need another one.", but I was right next to her now and I knew what was going to happen next.

She gently guided me across her lap, my top laying on the bed.  I felt her move her legs to 'lock'  me in place like she did earlier and then grab me tight across the waist like before.  I knew I would not be able to break free and the fact that she did this signaled to me that she expected the pain to be so unbearable that she wanted to make sure I did not jump up.

I laid there taking deep breaths waiting for the spanking to start.  I was shivering uncontrollably and clenching my butt cheeks.  I felt so weak, so vulnerable, so helpless.  I wanted this night to be over and for things to go back they way they were, but I also knew that if I was never spanked again, this would never go back to the way they were.  I would always remember this night of how my wife forced me over her knee and spanked me until I cried like a little boy.

CRACK! the hairbrush came down unexpectedly and I screamed out in pain at the sudden assault.  The pain was more intense then I had imagined.  That one crack seemed to re-energize the pain of the previous spanking.  "OH GOD NO, PLEASE NO MORE!", I shouted, but that was followed up with another crack across my  bottom.  The begging and pleading continued.

It took probably only 5 or 6 more crack before the crying started again.  After 10 the spanking stopped.  I cried for a few minutes but there were not as many tears.  My wife waited until I was relatively calm before letting me back up.  I stood up gently running my hands across my backside no longer worried about protecting my tiny penis.

My wife stood up and placed her hand on my shoulder.  "OK, your spankings are done, that part is over.  Now you still need to apologize to (fill in the blank)."

Now I will admit to the blog that I still do not feel that I owed anyone an apology, but at this point I would have confessed to armed robbery to make the spankings stop so I replied, "OK, I will give him a call tomorrow."

She looked at her watch and so, "No, we will call him right now.  Its not that late."

I really wanted the night to calm down, but I was in no mood to argue, so I nodded OK.

"Let's go downstairs and call him on the speaker phone in the den so I can listen in."

Again, I nodded OK and we turned to leave the room.  As we exited the room I turned towards the master bedroom to retrieve my pants but my wife stopped me.

"Where are you going?  The phone is downstairs."

"I am just getting my pants."

"No, you don't need pants.  You will stay as you are."

"Oh honey please, let me get my pants I feel so silly talking on the phone half naked."

"Too bad, besides, its a speaker phone, not a video phone, its not like he is going to see anything."

I realized I had no choice, so feeling ridiculous I began to walk downstairs half naked.  my wife following.

When we got to the phone my wife dialed and I stood next to the phone again instinctively cupping my penis in my hands.

"Hello", he answered when the phone stopped ringing.

"Hi (fill in the blanks) its (me)" I replied my voice a little unsteady and unsure of myself.

"Oh hi, (me) what can I do for you?"

"Well", I started again a little quiver in my speech, "I understand that you overheard some jokes I was telling today and I wanted to let you know that I meant no offense bu them."

"Oh," he replied almost sounding as unsteady as me, "well, OK, sure no problem, great party though had a good time otherwise."

"OK, glad you had a good time. Well," I paused looking at my wife who nodded OK, "I guess that's all I wanted to say."

"OK."

"Well goodnight then."

"OK, goodnight."

My wife pressed the end call button and I stood there looking down.

She started, "Now, do you see how easy that was?  What was the big deal in doing that face to face earlier today.  Was your self pride so big that you couldn't have done that today when I first asked you?  Did I really need to spank you as bad as I did to get you to say those simple words?  I swear sometime you are such a baby."

I felt so stupid standing there.  It was really no big deal.  Why did I take such a stand on a trivial issue?  What the hell is wrong with me?  There are fights worth fighting, why the hell did I pick this one?

"Here is what is going to happen now.  You will take a shower in the guest bath.  You will sleep in the guest room tonight.  You will not be allowed pants or underpants.  If you want a t-shirt that is your choice.  When you come home from work tomorrow, you are to return to the room and again remove your pants and underpants.  You may stay in the room or come downstairs, your choice, but you will remain naked from the waist down tomorrow after work until you go to bed in the guest room.  If you choose not to come down for diner tomorrow I will bring it to the room, but if you do come down to diner, you will remain pants-less.  The next day, when you return back from work, your grounding will be over and you may dress and move about the house as you please.  Any questions?"

Yes, I had a billion questions, but I replied, "No."

"OK then, off to the shower with you."   And off I went.   

Well, the shower gave me lots of time to think and over the next few days I will share some of those thoughts with you.  Thanks for your continued interest. 

Pride Comes Before the Fall

Sorry I have not posted for awhile, but I have been so upset.  I have been struggling to come to grips with the fact that I broke my clean streak and got spanked about a week and a half ago.  It had been pretty intense unlike any spanking I have received and it has been very difficult for me to even write the story and share what has been going on.  The first time I even opened the blog myself and reread the words of encouragement and support and how my October goal looked so close, I cried all over again knowing that I failed.  It took me a few days to calm down enough to write again and even now my eyes are watering at the thoughts of what happened.

It started when we had a cook out at our house and we had a few friends and neighbors over.  Some were friends of mine, some of hers.  Yes, Sarah was there, but this particular story does not involve her.  At one point during the day, I was sitting with a friend of mine and was telling some politically incorrect jokes.  You know the types of jokes I am referring to.  They could be making fun of an ethnicity like Polish, Irish, Jewish jokes, they could be making fun of a profession like doctors, lawyers or engineers, etc, physical traits like being blonde, fat or ugly, jokes about gender like being a man, woman or misc.  Jokes about religion or jokes about political affiliation, liberal or conservative.  Jokes that by there very nature are design, in someway to offend, but in a funny manner.

We probably all have some category of joke that we fit into and as I contemplated writing this I decided that I would not get specific as to the exact type of jokes I was telling because I don't think it should matter.  If I was to say what kind of joke I was telling then perhaps your opinion would be different if you were in the category of the joke I was telling.  I find it very disingenuous when someone laughs at all kinds of jokes, but then suddenly gets offended when a joke is told that makes fun of their background.  I will say this, I laugh at the jokes that are told about my ethnicity and cultural background if they are told in jest.  There is a difference between telling a joke and making an insult.

In my case, I was having some good natured  fun with one of my friends and telling jokes about HIS background and he was replying with jokes about mine and we were having a good laugh at each other's expense.  Sometime later I was in the house bringing in some dirty dishes and bring out more food when my wife came up to me.

"We you telling so jokes earlier that were offensive?" she asked.

"No, why do you ask?"  I replied, not considering the jokes I was telling as offensive per se.

" Well, (male guest of one of her friends), said you were telling (fill in the blank) jokes and you know he is (fill in the blank) and took offense at them."

"So what?  First off, I was telling those jokes to (friend of mine I was telling the jokes to) and he is also (fill in the blank) and he was not offended." I replied.

"Well, maybe but he was still offended you should go and apologize to him."

Well at this point I was a little pissed off.  First, someone overhears a conversation that he was not a party to then complains to my wife instead of saying something to me, then expects me to apologize because he does not have sense of humor?  To me apologizing implies that I have done something wrong.  I did not see myself as doing anything wrong and still don't.   If I tell a joke and someone gets offended that is not my fault.  People seem to be looking for an excuse to be offended these days.  Furthermore, all it would have taken was for him to be a man and to say to my face, sorry, but I don't find that funny.  I might not have apologized, but I certainly wouldn't have continued to tell jokes where he could hear them.  Instead he probably went crying to his girlfriend who went complaining to my wife.  So here I was arguing with her.

I don't recall the exact words I used to make my argument, but her position was that it did not matter if I intended to offend.  If someone found what I said offensive I should apologize.  What was the big deal to apologize?

Again, I repeated that I would apologize if I did something wrong.  I did nothing wrong.  I was joking with a friend of mine.  If he is offended by that then that is his problem not mine.

My wife then calmly said, "Are you going to apologize or do I need to deal with this when everyone leaves?"

At the time, I didn't make the connection.  It had been months since I was last spanked and the idea that she was threatening me with a spanking never occurred to me.  I must admit, if I knew she was going to spank me over this I might have apologized in protest to keep my record clean.  I never would have thought she would have spanked me over telling jokes.  She is usually a lot fairer than that.  I simply thought we would defer the discussion until after our guests left.  After all, we had to be good hosts and get back to our guests.

So I replied, "we can discuss this after everyone leaves."

"Are you sure that is what you want?  You want me to deal with you after everyone has gone?"

"Yes." I replied missing the subtle warning.

"Very well, but it is a real shame that you just simply did not apologize.", and she turned and walked back out.

The rest of the party went off without incident.

After we finished cleaning up she said to me, "OK, now let's settle this failure to apologize business."

"Fine." I replied feeling pretty sure of my argument.  She turned and walked up to our bedroom and I followed her, but by the time I got to our room she already had the hairbrush in her hands.

Without hesitation she looked at me and ordered, "Pull down your pants and underpants."

She was not mad, but calm and assertive.  Both the command and the sight of the hairbrush in her hands shocked me.  My heart began pounding in my chest and my stomach churned at the implication of the order I had been given.  A tingle shot across my bottom and I felt my tiny penis shrivel in fear at the sight of her with the hairbrush.  But after the initial shock I was insulted and offended.  I was not going to let her spank me for telling jokes.  I swallowed hard and with a dry mouth I slowly spoke up in my defense.

"This is not fair.  I am not going to let you spank me for telling jokes."

"You are not being spanked for telling jokes.  You are being spanked for not apologizing to one of our guests, now pull your pants and underpants down."

"No, I won't.  I am not going to be spanked for this."  I was a little defiant and scared.  I never really defied my wife before.  I was trembling and shaking, but also pretty cocksure of myself as I still felt that I was in the right.  "This is not like the other times, I did nothing wrong, I am not going to be spanked for this."

"I am sorry that you don't think you did anything wrong.  That more than anything is the reason you need to be spanked for this.  If you had taken my advice and simply apologized like you were told we would not be here.  You chose to be stubborn and childish about this so now you will be treated like the child you are.  Pull down your pants and underpants, this is the last time I will ask."

I was really trembling and shaking.  In some ways, I felt like I was going to pee my pants I was so scared, but I also felt she was wrong.  My heart was pounding in my ears and my eyes were getting slightly watery, but again I asserted myself.  "No, I am not going to be spanked for this."

With that she calmly placed the hairbrush on the dresser and slowly walked out of the room.  I thought, wow that was easy.  All it really took was to say no.  I thought about all the long, painful and humiliating spankings I had endured from her and all I really ever had to do was to stand up and say no.  I began thinking about the briefs I was wearing and concluded that all I had to do was buy boxers and simply tell her I was not wearing briefs anymore.  It began to look like my days of embarrassment and humiliation were over, but before I could even completely calm back down she came in again.  She was carrying a belt.  Actually she was carrying the belt she used on me New Year's Eve.  That dreaded belt.  My stomach immediately started churning and again I felt like I was going to wet my pants with fear.

Without warning she walked up to me grabbed my arm yanked me so I turned partially away from her and she immediately whacked me hard with the belt across my shorts covered backside.  I yelped at the suddenness of it and my eyes began to water up from the emotional roller-coaster I was on.  I was going to be spanked once again.  My clean streak was over.

After that one whack she released me and I instinctively reached back to rub the spot where she had hit me.  I cursed myself for showing that reaction, but it was a reflex and I could not help myself.  I looked at her shocked, but she was not mad.  She was calm and in control and in some ways that frightened me more than if she was mad and out of control.  If she was mad, then all I had to do was get her calm and she would be more rational.  But she was calm and rational.  This was not her lashing out in frustration or anger.  She was totally in control and making it clear that I had a spanking coming.

"Pull down those pants and underpants now." she said in a firm but calm voice.

I could not believe this was happening, tears began to well up in my eyes, I remained assertive, but hints of doubt and pleading started to enter my words, "No," I said again almost crying.  "I did not do anything wrong, you can't spank me."  The words were half sobs in a begging sort of tone, but I was not saying please and not begging for reprieve.  I was still making my case, still refusing to accept that I had committed a spankable offense.

"But you did do something wrong, you refused to correct your mistake and now you stand here defiant refusing to accept your punishment for that mistake."  Again she quickly grabbed my arm, yanked me sideways and brought the belt across my backside again and letting me go.  I felt a tear run down my cheek, but I fought back the desire to cry and tried to replace it with righteous indignation.

"I don't deserve to be spanked, you can't spank me!" I said still defiant, raising my voice to overcome the desire to cry. I then tried to stand up tall and proud hoping that she would realize that I was simply not wrong on this issue.  My heart was pounding deep in my chest as I stared at her.  I was waiting for her to grab my arm again and was prepared to pull away rather than let her get me turned around exposing my backside to her.   She took a step towards me and I flinched in response.  She shook her head back and forth in a 'no' motion clearly not happy with me.

"I am sorry that you do not see what you have done as wrong, but it is wrong and you will be spanked for this.  Now pull down your pants and underpants and bend over the bed."

My heart was really pounding now and I was trembling with fear as my mouth went dry and I had a shiver that kept shooting all across my body feeling my testicles retract in fear in preparation for a fight.  I was starting to have doubts.  I thought for sure my defiance would help make my case.  I was not going to pull my pants and underpants down.  This was the moment I was always afraid of.  What was she going to do?  It was a battle of wills and I was not going to pull my pants down.

Quietly, barely a whisper, choking back hard as a lump filled my throat, one again I replied, "No."

She moved quickly, I saw her moving and expecting her to grab my arm once again I turned away to avoid her reach.  Being slightly off balance she pushed me back onto the bed and I fell onto it.  She had one arm across my chest and with the other she began to unbutton and unzip my shorts.  I tried to stand back up but was shocked when I felt that I could not push up against her weight.  My shorts were already unzipped and I felt them being pushed down but they were stuck underneath my bottom.  As I continued to struggle pushing up against her, she caught me off guard when she eased up on me and quickly stood up.  My shorts immediately fell to the floor and before I completely processed the move, she once again had pushed me back down onto the bed.

I was frightened at her strength.  I knew she was in good shape, but I was always under the illusion that in a fair fight I would be able to overpower her.  Now it appeared that this was not the case.  Again I tried pushing up against her and again she caught me off guard by easing up and getting me standing again.  I can't even explain the next move it all happened so fast.  I was being spun around and became a little disoriented, felt myself falling again and the next thing I knew I was over her lap the top of my body laying on the bed and my legs over her lap.  I then felt her leg lock my legs tight.

I struggled to break free, but I was mortified to discover how strong she really was and how weak I really was.  Finally after all my resistance and denial I began to realize what I had always feared.  I was helpless to stop her from spanking me.  There I was, shorts at my ankles, my brief cover bottom placed perfectly across her lap.  I tried kicking my legs, but they were held tight in place by her leg.  I tried lifting my upper body, but the combination of her strong arm around my waist and my inability to gain any leverage from the position I was in made it difficult.  I struggled for a while, she said and did nothing until she felt me stop fighting her.  Exhausted from the struggle I finally stopped squirming.  As I calmed down from the fight and let the realization of my predicament sink in, the tears and begging started.

"Please don't spank me, I didn't do anything wrong." I said as tears began to finally flow down my cheeks.

Suddenly I felt the belt across my backside, I let out a scream and then immediately started crying in earnest.  It was a solid hit, sharper than the slaps I received when I was still being defiant.  I then felt her tugging my underpants down.  Part of me wanted to beg her to leave them up but I realized that they were coming down no matter what I pleaded and they offer so little protection anyway that there was just no point in begging.  Soon they had joined my shorts at my ankles.

And so it continued.  Sharp stinging whacks of the belt, my crying and begging for it to stop, my struggling uselessly against her grip trying to break free.  It was at the same time both a blur and a memory that will be burned into my mind for ever.  Emotionally it was the worst spanking I have ever received.  Physically, my bottom burned like it had never burned before.  My kicking and struggling to escape only served to remind me that I had been physically overpowered by my wife. The spanking finally ended like they always do and by the time my wife stood me back up I was broken, physically and emotionally.  I was shaking and trembling before her.  My face wet with tears gasping for breath sobbing like a child.   I was in no condition to have a discussion with.

My wife told me to step out of my shorts and underpants and for the first time that night I did as I was told.  She led me, naked from the waist down, into the guest room.  She told me to lay down on the bed and to stay there until she came back and not to get out of bed for any reason 'or else.'
I was still crying too hard to acknowledge her verbally  but I immediately laid down on the bed, on my stomach of course and cried until I could cry no more.

I had a lot to think about and soon my wife would return.  Writing this story has been emotionally draining for me I even cried writing it out, but I certainly need you comments, but please give me a few days to recover and emotionally prepare myself to read and respond to them.

I will also find the strength to continue this story as when my wife returned, it was clear that while the worst was over for the night, my punishment was not yet done.